Cream...

You have been all over the board, in more ways then one since coming here. Perhaps you need to back away entirely, take a hard look at your life and what your goals are and then come back and try to decide how or even IF you fit into this type of life. You may just prefer to be a bottom or a top vs. a sub or a Domme. Nothing wrong with that but you need to decide for you, no one else can make that decision.

Honestly though, the behavior you describe above would concern me from a subbie stand point. If you can't be honest with a Dom you are interested or not interested in then how can any sub trust you? And if you can't make decisions on how your life is to run how can others trust you to make decisions for them and their lives? You need to sort out YOU first before trying to involve others.