Firstly I would like to say that I'm sorry that you are in this situation, mirage. I know what a rush it can be to find out what you crave, and just wanting it more now that it has a name...and things become even more overwhelming when feelings are involved, don't they? And hell, feelings develop quickly with somebody who knows how to push your buttons...at least it's that way for me.

That said, although I do believe the that the advice that has been given so far is excellent -- I also believe that we don't know enough about the situation to make a profound judgement about the dom in question. Frankly, it is always good to be safe and careful. But other than that, he may just be new and insecure -- I am sure we all have been in a situation where we asked ourselves whether what we were doing was right, too extreme, etcect...I still reach that point occasionally, and albeit I don't consider myself as ultra experienced, I've been living the life for a few years by now. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that he is not necessarily a bad guy, and that what happened is not necessarily extreme in a harmful way. Hell, when I first started out I found pretty much everything extreme...super gentle lovey-dovey spankings included.

This does not change the fact, however, that he is still in a relationship. This, I believe, is a problem you shouldn't ignore. I, for my part, understand that he wants time to think things through -- been there, done that. But mirage, I don't think that you should sit around and wait for him to make up his mind. It hardly ever leads to happiness if you stick with somebody who is committed to somebody else. He needs to make up his mind, and it is not your responsibility to wait for that to happen. I know it is hard at times to move on, but I think that moving is what you should do. Focus on what is good for you. If he wants to be with you he will catch up with you. If not -- well, then you haven't got anything to lose, right?

I know this is easier said than done -- relationships are always complicated, moreso when you throw something as overwhelming as dominance and submission into the mix. I honestly hope that you will be able to find a way to a more centered and less confused state of being. In fact, I'm quite convinced that you will

Anyway, just my two cents on the subject! Take care of yourself -- and if this doesn't work out, don't panic. There's more than one fish in the sea