Bad Endings

[Razor7826]

Hmm, my least favorite is likely

Part 7: A Lover Scorned
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/c...hapterid=19612

A nice premise, but too short and under developed.

Here are my thoughts on the other ones-

The True Valedictorian:
The first person POV really helps the story, and I think it is executed well.

Corin's Dream
Taken from one of the bad endings from a story at CHYOO that I have since removed. This is one of the 'Bad Ends' that motivated the creation of the series.

Or Else-
Literalization of a Japanese Hentai-game, or at least my interpretation of what was going on.

A Mother's Life Lessons-
Same basis as Or Else. Not executed incredibly well, but I like the idea, and I'm not interested in revising something that was not really my own creation.

Equal Trade
Probably the most fucked up of the stories. The climax is probably too brief.

Women of God
My favorite and also the longest.

Sister of Two
The fight scene is terrible, but the exploitation is fantastic.



Also, a note on the name of series-
I've played a lot of Japanese Hentai Games, nearly all of which have branching story lines with both good and bad endings. The ending screen will occassionally label the endings as either 'Good Ends' or 'Bad Ends', and while it is not proper English, 'Bad End' has come to epitomize all of the bad paths that lie in the path of every heroine.

[Mad Lews]

I agree the first was the best IMHO

A few thoughts on #7
Bad End
Ending #7
A Lover Scorned
By Razor7826

Kelly Hill knocked on the door of apartment 318B of the Shaded Meadows apartment complex. As usual for these special days, the twenty-three year old lawyer wore a shawl to cover her bobbed black hair, as well as sunglasses to cover her large green eyes. Specializing in family law required that she keep much of her social life hidden from the public, most of all her deviant sex life. (Ok I don’t think she would call it “Deviant” maybe unusual tastes)

The door opened, and a beautiful woman in her thirties led Kelly into the apartment. The older woman, Rachel Edwards, grabbed Kelly in a strong hug against her sleek red dress and gave her a long and deep kiss. Kelly returned the affection.

For the last three months, Kelly and Rachel were in a secret relationship. While Kelly was out to her family and friends, her professional life required secrecy with regards to her sexuality, for word of her lesbianism (a lesbian affair) would destroy her practice.

Rachel Edwards was the perfect woman for Kelly Hill, and the two women of them were quickly growing close to each other. She understood Kelly’s professional situation, and was willing to keep their relationship quiet, as long as she knew that Kelly’s heart belonged to her. Not only were they growing more intimate, but they both had a completely trusting giving sex life (This is awkward say it another way or drop it), each woman willing to do whatever was necessary to please the other.

Their recent encounters took a turn to( toward trust issues and bondage)I think the story is about trust and betrayal I wouldn't even feel a need to mention BDSM BDSM, with their current interests falling on sexual bindings. Both women found it incredibly hot and satisfying to bind the other woman’s limbs with bandages, then fuck them with a strap on dildo.

Rachel reached her hand out to Kelly’s chin and grinned. “Today is my turn to tie you up, teehehe.( OK this is just me but I’m never thrilled with sound effects .” She giggled, might work as well as teehehe”) She was playful, as usual, and Kelly would be happy to oblige. Both women grinned with anticipation as Rachel led Kelly into her bedroom.

That’s strange, Kelly thought, as she noticed the room (door?) to Rachel’s other bedroom was closed. She dismissed the thought as unimportant, and in the master bedroom she began the foreplay. For today, Kelly took on a more submissive roll, letting Rachel slowly disrobe her. Once she was fully naked, Rachel pushed her down onto the bed and began the binding. She bent each of her limbs at the elbows and ankles, where Rachel was ready to encase them in layer upon layer of cloth bandages. By the time the bindings were complete, Kelly looked like she had no hands or feet, the bandages giving the impression that she was a quadruple amputee. Rachel could see that Kelly was hot and ready, but instead of pulling a dildo from her nightstand, she pulled out a manila envelope.

“Kelly, before we continue, I have something important to ask you.”

“What do you need, honey?”

Rachel pulled photographs from the envelope and held them in front of her girlfriend’s face. The photographs clearly showed Kelly fucking a man, and she looked like she was having the time of her life. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out.”

“I can explain... please… it was a one time thing.”

“That is also a lie. I have photos of two separate occasions.” The lie was exposed. Kelly had been seeing Mark, one of her superiors at her law firm. While there were the career incentives the activities, Rachel was right- she did enjoy the sex.

“I… I love you, Rachel. Mark doesn’t change that.”

“Fuck you, you lying bitch! Whatever the hell you are, you’re not a lesbian, and you’ll fucking pay for leading me on like this.” Rachel was furious, but she also began to cry, the pain of Kelly’s infidelities clearly tearing at her soul. The older woman reached into her night stand and pulled out a ball gag, which she quickly fastened around Kelly’s head. Kelly tried to resist, but it was no use, the bindings leaving her completely helpless against a woman that just moments ago she had placed her complete trust in.

With her former girlfriend bound and gagged, Rachel left the room and Kelly’s line of sight. Kelly could hear voices outside, and a few moments later Rachel returned with two unfamiliar, naked, men behind her. “Alex, Zach... do whatever you want with her, I don’t care.” Rachel left the room, and the two white men approached the defenseless captive. She tried to bat them off were her stub limbs, but her attempts proved useless as each of the men grabbed two of her stumps and held her in the air. Reader needs a little more graphic info for this image, horizontal? Vertical? sandwiched between them? Paint us a picture. The positioning of her legs gave no defenses as the men shoved their stiff penises into her asshole and pussy (maybe from her perspective first the tearing pain of dry penetration as they impaled her from the front and rear). Never before had she been double penetrated Now the guys perspective, the giddy joy as they thrust with abandon her struggles urging them on , and the pain was almost unbearable. She screamed and screamed into the gag as the men raped her repeatedly, but her muffled moans drew no saviors.

Later that night, the two men finally tired of the prone, cum covered sex toy. Rachel returned to the room and looked over her former girlfriend, still unsatisfied with the punishment visited upon her. “Get that fucking bitch out of my sight. You guys can keep her.”Nah, sell her for a few hundred bucks (NOT THIRTY PIECES OF SILVER that's too blatant)

Alex turned to Rachel, “You know what we’ll end up doing to her… right?”

Rachel knew exactly what they would do. “Yes, I am aware. I want that bitch to suffer for a long, long time. Take her car, too.” Alex got dressed and went out to his van, and returned with a large tote bag. With some help from Rachel and Zach, he managed to fit Kelly into the bag, which he zipped up almost all the way, showing some concern for her breathing. Rachel barely gave it a thought as the men carried Kelly Hill out of her life, the anger over her infidelity still tearing at her mind.
Over the following weeks and months, Rachel Edwards had brief moments where she regretted giving Kelly away to be sold as a sex slave. Finally, she saved and approached her friends, asking if she could do anything to get her friend and lover back, realizing that Kelly truly was special to her. Unfortunately, her friends told her it was too late, that no records of any kind were kept beyond the first buyer.

For years to come, Rachel would regret her mistake, but not nearly as much as Kelly Hill.

BAD END #7
Even though you are writing in third person you still need to emote the feelings of those involved. When you describe actions try to do it as your characters would see it. When your characters react try to let the reader follow the reasons and reasoning.
OK the ending regret needs to be developed, Anger fades to regrets, you need to explain to the readers why. Did she lose something special when she sold Kelly? I also think she should sell ,not give her away. It makes the sin of betrayal more complete.You might also give the reader a bit more of a taste as to what Kelly's new life is like

[Razor7826]

So is my second assignment to revise and edit this story, or to attempt a complete rewrite?

Finals are over the next week, so my devotion to these assignments may be spotty for a while. However, I will still appreciate having assignments to work on.

EDIT: An updated version coming up shortly.

[Razor7826]

Bad End
Ending #7
A Lover Scorned
By Razor7826

Kelly Hill knocked on the door of apartment 318B of the Shaded Meadows apartment complex. As usual for these special days, the twenty-three year old lawyer wore a shawl to cover her bobbed black hair and sunglasses to cover her large green eyes. Specializing in family law required that she keep much of her social life hidden from the public, most of all her kinky sex life.

The door opened, and a beautiful woman in her thirties led Kelly into the apartment. The older woman, Rachel Edwards, grabbed Kelly in a strong hug against her sleek red dress and gave her a long and deep kiss. Kelly returned the affection. For three months, Kelly and Rachel maintained a secret relationship. While Kelly was out to her family and friends, her professional life required secrecy with regards to her sexuality, for word of her lesbian affairs could destroy her practice.

Rachel Edwards was the perfect woman for Kelly Hill, and the two women were quickly growing close to each other. She understood Kelly’s professional situation, and was willing to keep their relationship quiet, as long as she knew that Kelly’s heart belonged to her. They had grown more and more intimate over the months, each woman willing to do whatever was necessary to please the other.

Their recent encounters took a turn into bondage, with their current interests falling on sexual bindings. Both women found it incredibly hot and satisfying to bind the other woman’s limbs with bandages, then use them in almost every way conceivable. There was something about absolute trust that turned both of the women on, regardless of which role they were in.

Rachel reached her hand out to Kelly’s chin and grinned. “Today is my turn to tie you up." She giggled playfully. Kelly would be happy to oblige. Both women grinned with anticipation as Rachel led Kelly into her bedroom.

"That’s strange," Kelly thought, as she noticed the door to Rachel’s other bedroom was closed. She dismissed the thought as unimportant.

In the master bedroom they began the foreplay. For today, Kelly took on a more submissive roll, letting Rachel slowly disrobe her. Once she was fully naked, Rachel pushed her down onto the bed and began the binding. She bent each of her limbs at the elbows and ankles, where Rachel was ready to encase them in layer upon layer of cloth bandages. By the time the bindings were complete, Kelly looked like she had no hands or feet, the bandages giving the impression that she was a quadruple amputee. Rachel could see that Kelly was hot and ready, but instead of pulling the usual ribbed dildo from her nightstand, she pulled out a manila envelope.

“Kelly, before we continue, I have something important to ask you.”

“What do you need, honey?”

Rachel pulled photographs from the envelope and held them in front of her girlfriend’s face. The photographs clearly showed Kelly fucking a man, and she looked like she was having the time of her life. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

The question caught Kelly completely off guard. She stammered, “I... I can explain... please… it was a one time thing.”

“That is also a lie. I have photos of two separate occasions.” The lie was exposed. Kelly had been seeing Mark, one of her superiors at her law firm. While there were the career incentives the activities, Rachel was right- she did enjoy the sex.

“I… I love you, Rachel. Mark doesn’t change that.”

“Fuck you, you lying bitch! Whatever the hell you are, you’re not a lesbian, and you’ll fucking pay for leading me on like this.” Rachel was furious, but despite her anger, she cried, the pain of Kelly’s infidelities tearing at her soul. The older woman reached into her night stand and pulled out a ball gag, which she quickly fastened around Kelly’s head. Kelly tried to resist, but it was no use, the bindings leaving her completely helpless against a woman that just moments ago she had placed her complete trust in.

With her former girlfriend bound and gagged, Rachel left the room and Kelly’s line of sight. Kelly could hear voices outside, and a few moments later Rachel returned with two unfamiliar, naked, men behind her. “Alex, Zach... do whatever you want with her, I don’t care.” Rachel left the room and the two white men approached the defenseless captive.

Kelly looked at the men with panic as they disrobed. She knew what fate Rachel had left her to and fought with all of her might. She flailed about wildly and tried to bat off her assailants with her stub limbs, but her attempts proved useless as each of the men grabbed two of her stumps and held her in the air, sandwiching her between their upright bodies. The positioning of her legs gave no defenses as the men shoved their stiff penises into her asshole and pussy. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the men bounced her up and down on their cocks, their tools violating her in completely new ways; never before had she been double penetrated, and the pain of the experience was almost unbearable. She screamed and screamed into the gag as the men raped her repeatedly, but her muffled moans drew no saviors, leaving her to the sadistic and gleeful whims of the men.

Later that night, the two men finally tired of the prone, cum covered sex toy. Rachel returned to the room and looked over her former girlfriend, still unsatisfied with the punishment visited upon her. “Get that fucking bitch out of my sight. You guys can keep her.”

Alex turned to Rachel, “You know what we’ll end up doing to her… right?”

Rachel knew exactly what they would do. “Yes, I am aware. Just give me half of whatever you can get for her. I want that bitch to suffer for a long, long time. Take her car, too.”

Alex got dressed and went out to his van, and returned with a large tote bag. With some help from Rachel and Zach, he managed to fit Kelly into the bag, which he zipped up almost all the way, showing some concern for her breathing. Rachel barely gave a thought as the men carried Kelly Hill out of her life, forever.

Months went by, and Rachel Edwards' hatred for her unfaithful lover subsided. She realized the gravity of her situation, knowing that somewhere in the world, the ever kind and cheerful Kelly Hill was being used and abused without end by some perverted master.

Finally, after nearly two years of regretting her hasty decision, she broached the subject with her friends. asking if she could do anything to get her friend and lover back. Unfortunately, her friends told her it was too late, that no records of any kind were kept beyond the first buyer. Kelly was truly lost forever. There was nothing that Rachel could do to undo her deed.

For years to come, Rachel would regret her mistake, but not nearly as much as Kelly Hill. Life as she knew it ended the day she was sold. Her buyer became immediately infatuated with Kelly's limb bindings and kept his slave like that for years to come, a truly defenseless pet and cum-dump. Thoughts of her betrayal burned in her mind endlessly, each brutal rape a terrible reminder of her misplaced faith.

BAD END #7

[Mad Lews]

Hi Razor,
I'd call this filler between assignments. You are quite a prolific writer and we instructors need to keep up, without interfering with finals that is.
OK bad endings 7, pretty good butt....
I find most human conflict, ie most stories, can come down to honest misunderstandings. You want your audience to have some sympathy for at least one character in the story and a villain often helps.
So first rewrite,
Kelly is bisexual, always has been, but maybe didn't emphasis that to Rachel.
Rachel is obsessive and possessive with a few control issues. She might have been the one who steered them into bondage. See how this changes the tone of the story. Develop the characters deftly getting the idea across to the reader through actions and conversations instead of coming right out and saying so.
Then off you go to do the project hope assignment; Once that is finished come back here review and edit this assignment, then post it here.
second rewrite will then be assigned

[Razor7826]

Here is the new version. Basically, I 'showed' rather than told through dialogue at the beginning, and expanded the ending. The sex paragraphs in the middle are mostly the same with only minor changes.

-------------------

Bad End
Ending #7
A Lover Scorned
By Razor7826

Kelly hill drove through the streets of suburban Greengrass Park, bundled in a beige shawl and thick black sunglasses, unusual for the Northern Californian community. She drove quickly along as many side streets as possible, hoping that no one would recognize her car; while it was easy to hide her appearance for these special occasions, obscuring her car was far more difficult, necessitating the precautions. She made sure to avoid every location that her friends, family, or clients lived and worked, making the normally ten minute drive extend to just under forty.

She arrived at her destination and parked behind the three-story apartment complex. She stood up and walked towards the door, pressed the ringer for apartment 318B, and was promptly buzzed in. She gracefully climbed the two flights of stairs and entered the unlocked apartment. The long, shiny black hair of her lover grabbed her attention as it never failed to do.

Rachel Edwards sat at the kitchen table, one arm draped against the backrest while the other held a glass filled with red wine. “Kelly! You’re later than I thought you would be.”

Kelly smiled at the subtle jab to her usual tardiness. “Sorry, I took side streets the entire way here.”

“You don’t have to hide our relationship, you know. People don’t care anymore.”

“My Christian clients still do. They don’t want a... lesbian to represent them in family court.”

Rachel sighed. “They’ll accept it and come back.” She chugged the rest of the glass.

“Offices in this area aren’t cheap. I’d be out of business before I could recover.”

Rachel stood up and walked towards Kelly. “Yes, they will. You’re a good lawyer.” She looked into Kelly’s green eyes and reached out, pulling down the shawl and revealing her lover’s frizzy red hair. “You’re a magnificent lawyer.” She leaned in and kissed Kelly’s lips. “Let me take the lead today. I want to make you feel good, so you can forget all about work.”

Kelly returned the kiss and followed Rachel as she was lead into her bedroom. She glanced at the door to Rachel’s office, and noted that it was the first time she had ever seen it closed without Rachel inside at work. She dismissed the thought as unimportant, however, and entered the master bedroom. There, the foreplay began.

Rachel slowly disrobed Kelly and pushed her onto the bed. Once Kelly was lying on her back, completely still, Rachel began the bindings that they both had grown to love over the last few months, just one of the many fetishes that they shared. She bent each of her limbs at the elbows and ankles, where Rachel was ready to encase them in layer upon layer of cloth bandages. By the time the bindings were complete, Kelly looked like she had no hands or feet, the bandages giving the impression that she was a quadruple amputee. Rachel could see that Kelly was hot and ready, but instead of pulling the usual ribbed dildo from her nightstand, she pulled out a manila envelope.

“Kelly, before we continue, I have something important to ask you.”

“What do you need, honey?”

Rachel pulled photographs from the envelope and held them in front of her girlfriend’s face. The photographs clearly showed Kelly fucking a man, and she looked like she was having the time of her life. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

The question caught Kelly completely off guard. She stammered, “I... I can explain... please… it was a one time thing.”

“That’s a lie. I have photos of two separate occasions.” The lie was exposed. Kelly had been seeing Mark, a divorcee that she represented successfully in divorce court.

“I… I love you, Rachel. Mark doesn’t change that.”

“Fuck you, you lying bitch! Whatever the hell you are, you’re not a lesbian, and you’ll fucking pay for leading me on like this.” Rachel was furious, but despite her anger, she cried, the pain of Kelly’s infidelities tearing at her soul. The older woman reached into her night stand and pulled out a ball gag, which she quickly fastened around Kelly’s head. Kelly tried to resist, but it was no use, the bindings leaving her completely helpless against a woman that just moments ago she had placed her complete trust in.

With her former girlfriend bound and gagged, Rachel left the room and Kelly’s line of sight. Kelly could hear voices outside, and a few moments later Rachel returned with two unfamiliar, naked, men behind her. “Alex, Zach... do whatever you want with her, I don’t care.” Rachel left the room and the two white men approached the defenseless captive.

Kelly looked at the men with panic as they disrobed. She knew what fate Rachel had left her to and fought with all of her might. She flailed about wildly and tried to bat off her assailants with her stub limbs, but her attempts proved useless as each of the men grabbed two of her stumps and held her in the air, sandwiching her between their upright bodies. The positioning of her legs gave no defenses as the men shoved their stiff penises into her asshole and pussy. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the men bounced her up and down on their cocks, their tools violating her in completely new ways; never before had she been double penetrated, and the pain of the experience was almost unbearable. She screamed and screamed into the gag as the men raped her repeatedly, but her muffled moans drew no saviors, leaving her to the sadistic and gleeful whims of her rapists.

Later that night, the two men finally tired of the prone, cum covered sex toy. Rachel returned to the room and looked over her former girlfriend, still unsatisfied with the punishment visited upon her. “Get that fucking bitch out of my sight. You guys can keep her.”

Kelly sprang back to life, her eyes bug eyed at what Rachel had just told her friends. She wagged her four stubby limbs in the air, trying to upturn herself so she could crawl away, but she was truly defenseless and immobile. She looked around frantically before turning her eyes to the woman that betrayed her.

Rachel sat on the bed beside Kelly, making sure to sit on an edge not soaked with cum. “Yes, Kelly, you’re going to be out of my hair forever, but hey, you were never serious about us, were you? You insisted on keeping our little relationship a secret, and now I can understand why. It will work to my benefit, however- nobody will ever think of me as suspect.”

Alex turned to Rachel and asked with concern, “You know what we’ll end up doing to her… right?”

Rachel knew exactly what they would do. “Yes, I am aware. Just give me half of whatever you can get for her. I want that bitch to suffer for a long, long time. Oh, and take her car, too.”

“I… I don’t know if you really understand the magnitude of what you’re asking us to do.”

“Yes, I do know what I am asking of you. Just do it, alright? I hate her, and she’s a slut, so I’m absolutely certain she’ll love what’s in store for her.”

Alex stood back, amazed at his friend’s cruelty, but nonetheless complied with her request. He and Zach packed the bound and gagged woman into a duffle bag, zipped it up almost all the way, and carried it down to her van. The duo shoved her clothes inside the bag as well, making sure to grab the car keys from her pants pocket.

Rachel looked down on the parking lot triumphantly as Alex opened the side door of Kelly’s car and threw the duffle bag into the back seat. The lime green Beetle disappeared out of the parking lot, carrying Kelly Hill out of Rachel’s life forever.

---------------------------------------------------------

Months went by, and Rachel Edwards' hatred for her unfaithful lover subsided. She realized the gravity of her situation, knowing that somewhere in the world, the ever kind and cheerful Kelly Hill was being used and abused without end by some perverted master.

Finally, after nearly two years of regretting her hasty decision, she called Alex on the phone. “Hey… can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Is there any way for you to track down where Kelly was sold to?

“Rachel…”

“Can you?”

“No, I made that clear. Once we sell her, no questions are asked. You got your eight-hundred dollars. Leave it at that.”

“But…”

“There are no ‘but’s. We brought her to our contacts, they paid us, and we never saw her again. Asking too many questions is the best way to get shot.” He hung up the phone, leaving Rachel to accept the consequences of her actions. She dropped the phone to the floor, collapsed to her knees, and cried.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unknown to Rachel, her former lover was experiencing those consequences not far away. Ten miles across town, in the basement beneath an old family manor, slept Kelly Hill. Her arms were still bound like that day two years ago, but rather than with bandages, they were fitted with durable leather sleeves. Her owner bought her for her beauty, but he quickly became infatuated with the same style of erotic bindings that Kelly herself had taken a liking to, and fitted his new slave with more permanent equipment.

Kelly Hill awoke to the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. It was time for another round. Knowing and accepting the abuse that would be visited upon her by her owner and his friends, she could do nothing but think back to the day her life ended with the betrayal Fresh tears sprang from her eyes when she thought how none of this- not the rape, not the slavery, not torture- would have happened if she had only been a faithful lover.

Copyright Razor7826, 2008

[Mad Lews]

Dear Razor7826,

First off I’d like to say the story is improving, in this adaptation there is a lot more nuance and the ladies are painted more fully. The actual bondage could use a little more detail as I’m not getting a clear picture but we’ll get to that.

Here is the new version. Basically, I 'showed' rather than told through dialogue at the beginning, and expanded the ending. The sex paragraphs in the middle are mostly the same with only minor changes.

-------------------

Bad End
Ending #7
A Lover Scorned
By Razor7826

Kelly hill drove through the streets of suburban Greengrass Park, bundled in a beige shawl and thick black sunglasses, unusual for the Northern Californian community. She drove quickly along as many side streets as possible, hoping that no one would recognize her car; while it was easy to hide her appearance for these special occasions, obscuring her car was far more difficult, necessitating the precautions. She made sure to avoid every location that her friends, family, or clients lived and worked, making the normally ten minute drive extend to just under forty.

She arrived at her destination and parked behind the three-story apartment complex. She stood up and walked towards the door, pressed the ringer for apartment 318B, and was promptly buzzed in. She gracefully climbed the two flights of stairs and entered the unlocked apartment. The long, shiny black hair of her lover grabbed her attention, as it never failed to do.

Rachel Edwards sat at the kitchen table, one arm draped against the backrest while the other held a glass filled with red wine. “Kelly! You’re later than I thought you would be.”

Kelly smiled at the subtle jab to her usual tardiness. “Sorry, I took side streets the entire way here.”

“You don’t have to hide our relationship, you know. People don’t care anymore.”

“My Christian clients still do. They don’t want a... lesbian to represent them in family court.”

Rachel sighed. “They’ll accept it and come back.” She chugged the rest of the glass.

“Offices in this area aren’t cheap. I’d be out of business before I could recover.”

Rachel stood up and walked towards Kelly. “Yes, they will. You’re a good lawyer.” She looked into Kelly’s green eyes and reached out, pulling down the shawl and revealing her lover’s frizzy red hair. “You’re a magnificent lawyer.” She leaned in and kissed Kelly’s lips. “Let me take the lead today. I want to make you feel good, so you can forget all about work.”

Kelly returned the kiss and followed Rachel as she was lead into her bedroom. She glanced at the door to Rachel’s office, and noted that it was the first time Passive voice! Ruby would whack your pee pee for that!! This entire sequence the observation and dismissal serves as a hint for the reader to reflect back on you can revise it into a sigle sentence and stand it alone as a one sentence paragraph, that way it will 'stand out' she had ever seen it closed without Rachel inside at work. She dismissed the thought as unimportant, however, and entered the master bedroom. There, the foreplay began.

Rachel slowly disrobed Kelly and pushed her onto the bed. Once Kelly was lying on her back, completely still, Rachel began the bindings that they both had grown to love over the last few months, just one of the many fetishes that they shared. She bent each of her limbs at the elbows and ankles, OK I'm getting a little image problem here, it might be my inexperience but for the 'quad look' wouldn't you bend and bind the elbows and knees, ankles aren't that flexible? where Rachel was ready to encase them in layer upon layer of cloth bandages. By the time the bindings were complete, Kelly looked like she had no hands or feet, the bandages giving the impression that she was a quadruple amputee. Rachel could see that Kelly was hot and ready, but instead of pulling the usual ribbed dildo from her nightstand, she pulled out a manila envelope.

“Kelly, before we continue, I have something important to ask you.”

“What do you need, honey?”

Rachel pulled photographs from the envelope and held them in front of her girlfriend’s face. The photographs clearly showed Kelly fucking a man, and she looked like she was having the time of her life. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

The question caught Kelly completely off guard. She stammered, “I... I can explain... please… it was a one time thing.”

“That’s a lie. I have photos of two separate occasions.” The lie was exposed. Kelly had been seeing Mark, a divorcee that she represented successfully in divorce court.

“I… I love you, Rachel. Mark doesn’t change that.”

“Fuck you, you lying bitch! Whatever the hell you are, you’re not a lesbian, and you’ll fucking pay for leading me on like this.” Rachel was furious, but despite her anger, she cried, the pain of Kelly’s infidelities tearing at her soul. The older woman this is a minor point, but you haven't told us which one is older. Before you use 'older' as an identifier you need to do that. Yes it becomes clear, but you've just made your reader stop reading and try to figure it out.reached into her night stand and pulled out a ball gag, which she quickly fastened around Kelly’s head. Kelly tried to resist, but it was no use, the bindings leaving her completely helpless against a woman that just moments ago she had placed her complete trust in.

With her former girlfriend bound and gagged, Rachel left the room and Kelly’s line of sight. Kelly could hear voices outside, and a few moments later Rachel returned with two unfamiliar, naked, men behind her. “Alex, Zach... do whatever you want with her, I don’t care.” Rachel left the room and the two white men approached the defenseless captive.

Kelly looked at the men with panic as they disrobed They were naked two sentences back.. She knew what fate Rachel had left her to and fought with all of her might. She flailed about wildly and tried to bat off her assailants with her stub limbs, but her attempts proved useless as each of the men grabbed two of her stumps and held her in the air, sandwiching her between their upright bodies. The positioning of her legs gave no defenses as the men shoved their stiff penises into her asshole and pussy. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the men bounced her up and down on their cocks, their tools violating her in completely new ways; never before had she been double penetrated, and the pain of the experience was almost unbearable. She screamed and screamed into the gag as the men raped her repeatedly, but her muffled moans drew no saviors, leaving her to the sadistic and gleeful whims of her rapists.

Later that night, the two men finally tired of the prone, cum covered sex toy. Rachel returned to the room and looked over her former girlfriend, still unsatisfied with the punishment visited upon her. “Get that fucking bitch out of my sight. You guys can keep her.”

Kelly sprang back to life, her eyes bug eyed at what Rachel had just told her friends. She wagged her four stubby limbs in the air, trying to upturn herself so she could crawl away, but she was truly defenseless and immobile. She looked around frantically before turning her eyes to the woman that betrayed her.

Rachel sat on the bed beside Kelly, making sure to sit on an edge not soaked with cum. “Yes, Kelly, you’re going to be out of my hair forever, but hey, you were never serious about us, were you? You insisted on keeping our little relationship a secret, and now I can understand why. It will work to my benefit, however- nobody will ever think of me as suspect.”

Alex turned to Rachel and asked with concern, “You know what we’ll end up doing to her… right?”

Rachel knew exactly what they would do. “Yes, I am aware. Just give me half of whatever you can get for her. I want that bitch to suffer for a long, long time. Oh, and take her car, too.”

“I… I don’t know if you really understand the magnitude of what you’re asking us to do.”

“Yes, I do know what I am asking of you. Just do it, alright? I hate her, and she’s a slut, so I’m absolutely certain she’ll love what’s in store for her.”

Alex stood back, amazed at his friend’s cruelty, but nonetheless complied with her request. He and Zach packed the bound and gagged woman into a duffle bag, zipped it up almost all the way, and carried it down to her van. The duo shoved her clothes inside the bag as well, making sure to grab the car keys from her pants pocket.

Rachel looked down on the parking lot triumphantly as Alex opened the side door of Kelly’s car and threw the duffle bag into the back seat. The lime green Beetle disappeared out of the parking lot, carrying Kelly Hill out of Rachel’s life forever.

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Months went by, and Rachel Edwards' hatred for her unfaithful lover subsided. She realized the gravity of her situation, knowing that somewhere in the world, the ever kind and cheerful Kelly Hill was being used and abused without end by some perverted master.

Finally, after nearly two years of regretting her hasty decision, she called Alex on the phone. “Hey… can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Is there any way for you to track down where Kelly was sold to?

“Rachel…”

“Can you?”

“No, I made that clear. Once we sell her, no questions are asked. You got your eight-hundred dollars. Leave it at that.”

“But…”

“There are no ‘but’s. We brought her to our contacts, they paid us, and we never saw her again. Asking too many questions is the best way to get shot.” He hung up the phone, leaving Rachel to accept the consequences of her actions. She dropped the phone to the floor, collapsed to her knees, and cried.

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Unknown to Rachel, her former lover was experiencing those consequences not far away. Ten miles across town, in the basement beneath an old family manor, slept Kelly Hill. Her arms were still bound like that day two years ago, but rather than with bandages, they were fitted with durable leather sleeves. Her owner bought her for her beauty, but he quickly became infatuated with the same style of erotic bindings that Kelly herself had taken a liking to, and fitted his new slave with more permanent equipment.

Kelly Hill awoke to the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. It was time for another round. Knowing and accepting the abuse that would be visited upon her by her owner and his friends, she could do nothing but think back to the day her life ended with the betrayal Fresh tears sprang from her eyes when she thought how none of this- not the rape, not the slavery, not torture- would have happened if she had only been a faithful lover.

Copyright Razor7826, 2008

So Razor, I'm really beginning to like this. I know you've got some Hopish things to do but would you like to work on making this more than just a bad ending?

Yours
Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

I'm at a bit of a loss what I need to work on for Project Hope. I tackled a revision a few weeks ago, but none of the changes I made felt very significant. I'll try to look it over the next few days and see if I can revise it a bit more.

As for this Bad Ending, I'm not particularly interested in expanding it into something more. This was my least favorite of the Bad Ends before, and even with the revisions it probably still is. If I were to expand it further, the bulk of the transformation would have to be in the middle sex scene, which would bore me to tears.

Much like I've mentioned before, I'd much prefer to be given new prompts and see what I can come up with. I understand that revision is an excruciatingly important part of the writing process, but I find it far more interesting to write entirely new stories using the feedback from old ones.

[Razor7826]

Oh, and a question about passive voice; when is it okay? Sparingly, of course, but specifics?

[Mad Lews]

Oh, and a question about passive voice; when is it okay? Sparingly, of course, but specifics?

This is one that I need to go back to my first year college English (5th edition) text for.
1 only verbs have voice
2 a verb having a direct object is in active voice
3 when the direct object is converted to a subject the voice becomes passive
4 passive verb phrasing always contains a part of the verb phrase 'to be'

bad example:

Razor chose to write the story. ( Active)
The story was chosen by Razor to write. (Passive)

OK you can see where problems develop. To write is modifying Razor? the story?
In a sentence with any complexity passive voice quickly becomes awkward or confusing. On the other hand A very simple sentence can be turned passive without too much discomfort.

Susan must learn obedience. (active)
Obedience must be learned. (passive)

As always you can get away with a lot more if you put it in the mouth of your characters (in quotes). Just make sure it's in character with your character's manner of speech.

OK a brand new assignment eh.

Give me 5 genere that you like to read, I'll come up with somethiing

[Razor7826]

I absolutely hate breaking things into genres, but if I have to,

1) Horror
2) Thriller
3) Mystery
4) Sci-fi
5) Fantasy

Which probable doesn't help in breaking things down any further.



As for Bad End 7, if I were to expand it, it would focus on the emotions of Rachel, having to live with the horrible fate she condemned her true love to. The future of Kelly Hill, on the other hand, is rather unoriginal, as well as overlaps on another story I've made a lot of progress on.

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Updates on other projects, if you are interested:

I submitted my Fugue State entry for the January contest, and another chapter in "The Queen of Sorrow's Falls".

I've completed a first draft for another story(chapter), and done light editing. Each chapter is a stand alone story that is related to the others.

I'm almost done with the aforementioned story that kind of overlaps with Kelly Hill's fate (limb binding doggy girl).