How do I know if I'm a dom?

[Aesop]

Here's the funny thing. I don't know what category I fall into, but I know there is something going on. I've always had fantasies of tied up girls, usually naked, offered up to me for me to make my choice. I get instantly erect at the sight of a girl when she is wearing a ball gag and looking frightened. Sex is hotter when her hands are tied, even if it's voluntary.

There's a girl right now who very much loves to do what she is told to do. Her life is very stressful and full of responsibility. With me, she can let go and listen without having to worry about what is right, what is wrong, and who might pass judgement. She loves to make me happy, and does pretty much as she is asked or told. I give her assignments to follow through with. I introduced her to nipple clamps, and how to use them without too much pain, and how to use them to heighten her pleasure when orgasming. I have her do things that she otherwise wouldn't, but that she might enjoy.

While she is in the office, I have had her put her cell phone on vibrate and sit on it while I call until she comes. I have asked her to go to her car after work and call me while she plays with herself until orgasm. I request certain outfits for her to wear, make her get creative, and take pictures of herself to send me.

She is a willing partner. I am completely enjoying this. I am erect right now just thinking about her and all of this. She makes me very very happy.

Am I a dominant? Am I a control freak? What's going on here?

The next question is where can I take it from here? I want more things for her to do but am running out of ideas. There is absolutely a line that she will not cross and I would not ask her because I do care about her. She won't do anything to risk her job, for example.

Any thoughts here? I'm trying to open up and be honest with myself, and learn about what's going on. Thanks.

It's hard to say. There are many defintions on what a dominant actually is, so answering you with a definite yes or no is almost impossible. To me you sound like someone who is just discovering the fun of being a dom. And boy is it fun.!

It's also a major responsibility and it sounds like you're finding that out. You have to be creative - there aren't too many subs who like to say, "Tie me up." - they just want it done and they want variety like everybody else. You have to be assertive even when you aren't sure you're doing something she (or he) likes and you have to follow through on tasks and punishments and things like that even if you don't feel like it yourself to maintain the discipline you expect from the sub. Most of all you are responsible for all the safety precautions. Now it's true that the sub should be thinking about that stuff too, but many submissives are reluctant to say no or safeword, especially when their emotions are frazzled. Don't ever forget that they need to please you as badly as you need to dominate them. Sometimes that will lead them to act foolish and prideful just like everybody else who's out to please somebody.

So are you a dom? I dunno. Only you can really answer that, but we'll be around to help you figure it out.

[Evan_]

That's an awesome answer. Better than I expected, actually. Thank you very much.

It's a challenge being creative all the time, and I know she expects it and wants it. She has begun to call me "Master" in emails, and signs her name "pet." This is her own doing, not mine. When she finds things she knows I like, she tries to bring them up or refer back to them, hoping to please.

She's really something else. I'm not sure how this really began, but I like where it's going.