That's a great description of the poor girl's predicament and the guy's enjoyment of it. High marks for that, I'm sure.

I hope you don't mind me picking on this assignment to try out my critical skills for the first time, but Ruby wants me to participate here, and then you posted ...

But if you think it's drivel, ignore it.

The ending came as a surprise, as you intended, and, for me it works well. But not perfectly well. I do think you can improve on it. I have rewritten this paragraph several times. I can't explain why I am not quite happy about it, but somehow, even after we realise that it was Jake's female slave giving the blonde a throat-fuck, I didn't think back and slap my forehead, saying, "Of course!"

I'm curious about the cause of the slave's punishment, but I suppose I must live with that. Was the blonde bitch being punished for something too, or had she simply been made available?

Finally, the injustice of the slave's second punishment: I think more could be made of that, even if only in the slave's acceptance of it.



A few more comments - apologies, the first's a niggle - but here goes:

though a great deal of fun to visually feast upon

I'm a member of the Split Infinitive Police, and you're nicked!


That girl was tied down and tied up, all of it tight and right.

Not a niggle: I liked it. I also liked the phrase perfectly out of place.



The individual doing the deed

I felt this was a bit awkward, and drew attention to the fact that you hadn't called the individual a man. Especially as the earlier reference was to a person. Too neutral ... suspicious. What about something like Her ravager ... ? You're still thinking "man" in that case. I also think you could have put this in earlier, because we know she's getting the mother of all face-fucks at this point.


The war for air


Another little gem!



... along with some frustration.

This almost slips past unnoticed, but it needs to be seen. I would have put a full stop after "return to him" and made it a stand-alone phrase.


He motioned for the waiter to bring his tab. As he waited, his beautiful slut walked towards him, her strap-on cock still glistening from the leavings of the blonde’s mouth. When she stopped beside him, Jake stroked her cheek as she gazed adoringly up at him.

Is Jake tall, or is she short? Or did she kneel?


Finally, I did enjoy the story as you wrote it very much. Forgive me if my comments are out-of-turn or excessive in any way. They're intended to be constructive for you and educational for me. However, if a corrective is needed, I'm sure Ruby'll provide it.

TYWD