Ophelia Fey's Second Assignment

[Ophelia Fey]

Thank you for your feedback.

....but I think paragraphs should always have a line break between them, even if it just separates lines of dialogue. It makes the text much more readable and easier to follow.

I tried to format this piece correctly. Are there guidelines available?
When I went to school, back in the dark ages, paragraphs were indented 5 spaces, and dialogue got quotation marks, regardless of position in a paragraph. A line of dialogue was not treated as an independent paragraph.

Would the following be correct formatting?

“Now, repeat after me. I do not have PMS. I’m pissed because you’re an asshole.”

“Yes Mistress. I do not... ellipsis OF” The lash across his back came from nowhere, stinging.

“Yes Mistress. Mistress does not have PMS.” The lash came again, curling around his side.

“Yes Mistress. Mistress does not have PMS. Mistress is pissed.” And again the lash fell. Samuel gritted his teeth and started again.

“Yes Mistress. Mistress does not have PMS. Mistress is pissed because this worthless slave is an asshole.”

Connie jabbed the toe of the stiletto into his flesh.

“Well done. You remembered that you’re an asshole.”


Would dialogue in the middle of a paragraph require a line break before and after? Like so -

She pulled the blindfold off the hook on the wall, and whispered, (doesn't the comma indicate the pause?)

“Raise your head.”

Connie pushed his bangs back from his forehead, and buckled it, then pushed his head gently back on the bench. She was certain he could smell her, her cunt felt like it was steaming.

Again, thanks for your feedback. Was there anything in particular you liked? disliked? I struggled to find her domina vibe, and I'm not sure if it was because she was PMS'ing or just really wanted to fuck him rather than play. Was the ending weak?
I appreciate the formatting issue, and will correct it in future, I'm really hoping for content related feedback as well.

[Nikita]

I'll give you a little feedback on the formatting, Ophelia. Good story starter.

Thank you for your feedback.

I tried to format this piece correctly. Are there guidelines available?

Grammar tips

When I went to school, back in the dark ages, paragraphs were indented 5 She pulled the blindfold off the hook on the wall, and whispered, spaces, and dialogue got quotation marks, regardless of position in a paragraph. A line of dialogue was not treated as an independent paragraph.

Story writing is different. Ruby is the grammar maven. She just may correct me.

Writer's Resources

Would the following be correct formatting?

“Now, repeat after me. I do not have PMS. I’m pissed because you’re an asshole.”

“Yes Mistress. I do not... ellipsis OF” The lash across his back came from nowhere, stinging.

“Yes Mistress. Mistress does not have PMS.”

The lash came again, curling around his side.

“Yes Mistress. Mistress does not have PMS. Mistress is pissed.”

And again the lash fell. Samuel gritted his teeth and started again.

“Yes Mistress. Mistress does not have PMS. Mistress is pissed because this worthless slave is an asshole.”

Connie jabbed the toe of the stiletto into his flesh.

“Well done. You remembered that you’re an asshole.”

Would dialogue in the middle of a paragraph require a line break before and after? Like so -

She pulled the blindfold off the hook on the wall, and whispered, (doesn't the comma indicate the pause?) *

*She pulled the blindfold off the hook on the wall, and whispered, “Raise your head.”

Connie pushed his bangs back from his forehead, and buckled it, then pushed his head gently back on the bench. She was certain he could smell her, her cunt felt like it was steaming.

Again, thanks for your feedback. Was there anything in particular you liked? disliked? I struggled to find her domina vibe, and I'm not sure if it was because she was PMS'ing or just really wanted to fuck him rather than play. Was the ending weak?
I appreciate the formatting issue, and will correct it in future, I'm really hoping for content related feedback as well.