Quote Originally Posted by Lavender
see the thing is i dont want to be in an bdsm relationship i just want an normal one but if i have to do this stuff then i have to, i just want to know how i can enjoy it as well
If that's the only attitude with which you approach topping, I'd suggest explaining to your boyfriend that you simply aren't cut out for it. The entire point of a Domme is that she is the one in control. She sets the scene. She gives the orders and makes sure that those orders are obeyed. In the fantasy, when she grants others their fantasies, it's a coincidence or an uncharacteristic show of extreme generosity.

It sounds like you already have a pretty decent idea of what your boyfriend wants, but the question is "What do you want?" Ponder that long and hard, and don't get stuck in the rut of chains, whips, and leather. Anything goes. If having another person as a pet, slave, servant, or plaything figures nowhere into your fantasies, it's time to just concede that topping isn't for you.