Hi Razer,

I'm just another pair of eyes and here's my two cents.

I read the original assignment, the comments by Ruby and Dean, and the revisions.

Version 4 that has Dean's input is my favorite. It pulled me in. The descriptions from the submissives point of view were raw, slutty, and cruel.

If it were mine, I'd kick this out,

They call it a fugue state. Dropping your life and starting anew, without realizing it.

I'm Reverend Sarah Kent. For six years I lived as Veronica, the willing fuck-slave of Michael and Michelle Lee. I love my family, but my craving for defilement tears at my mind, and I feel myself slipping back into that life of perfect sin...
Why?

You have to give the reader credit for knowing what fugue means. Don't spell things out. Show, don't tell. You can use the highlighted parts of this paragraph in the body of the piece by massaging the words.

It is less restricting. You'll more room to play with other elements that allow the story to develop. In other words, I think that paragraph will box you in.

I want to know how the ravished, cock sucking, ass-fucked piece of meat got there and what's going to happen next. *rubs hands together*