Quote Originally Posted by Razor7826 View Post




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By Razor7826

I freeze. Everything around me swirls as the world around me shifts and stabilizes. I sit there, shocked from the flood of new sensations. Eliminate there. No need for it and it takes away from the piece.
The senses begin to collate. A salty taste. A slapping noise. An incomprehensible field of fuzz. The smell of sweat. I feel full, and something reminds me of getting spanked by my father thirty years ago.

Then I realize what is going on. I'm sucking on a penis as its owner thrusts his hips back and forth. Another object pierces my vagina, but it doesn't hurt in the same way it used to. Get rid of "then". "Penis" and "vagina" weaken this story. I know they are overused. But this is a raw moment - tool, cock, pussy, cunt, hole - all those would add to the raw.
I panic and start to scream. The people that are using me pull out. I fall to my side on a king-sized bed. I don't recognize either of them. Replace "that" with "who".

The bearded man bends over with a panic stricken face. His voice strains with anxiety. "Rachel! Rachel, what's wrong?"

The Asian woman that was assaulting me with him rushes to his side. "Rayche? Are you okay? Please, answer me!" She starts to cry, as if I'm her family, but her face is entirely unfamiliar.
Replace "that" with "who"





They call it a fugue state. Dropping your life without even realizing it, and starting anew.

My name is not Rachel. It's Reverend Rebecca Kent, and for the rest of my life, I must hide from my parish the sins I committed as Rachel Phillips. I love my husband, but as each day drags by in my real life, I long for the touches of Mike and Michelle.
I really liked this and how you did it. I would really like to see how grimy you can make this feel. This needs a re-write towards graphic and grimy sex - it is begging for it. I wanna know more about this gal.

You did make a very good use of the limitations.