Hi,

This is my first post, but this thread is exactly the kind of problem I am facing, gs77 you are not alone.

"My S.O. is submissive; I want to learn to be dominant so I can please him/her." -Blue_Monday
That is exactly the question I have asked myself. I think me filling in a little background here may be useful, so I will digress to that briefly. I have been seeing my girlfriend for almost 6 months now, and living together for almost 3. We clicked with each other almost instantly, and I know that she is the only person for me (I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that can relate to this). The only area that we have a problem with, which we openly discuss, is sexually. When we first met, our sex lives were (as far as I was concerned) great. I have always been into kinky sex - light bondage, gags, blindfolds, toys - from both submissive and dominant roles, and I have a very high sexual appetite / desire. Though for me the 'kick' out of it all has always been the sex side of it, the pleasure derived from the physical contact, the teasing and playing sexually more than mental 'games' or control.

My girlfriend has had previous BDSM relationships, and is by preference submissive, though she is also better at dominating me, than I am her. She sees things in a totally different perspective than me, and this is where I feel that there is a problem. She will look at (for example) bondage porn and be aroused by the control, and interested in the sensation that the rapoe would cause, the way that it is tied etc, where as I will look at the more vanilla and stereotypical aspect and appreciate the fact that someone is half naked, and that they are unable to do anything about it. Ok, there is a control side to my appreciation, but I have never explored it a great deal deeper than the surface.

gs77, it sounds like you have a very healthy sex life, and I think that you will be able to slowly integrate Sub/Dom play into it very easily with your wife being of the mand set that she is. If you are like me, then the difficulty is being dominant enough to 'force' her into submissive play. Personally, my worry is that I can't control the situation properly and that it will be a turn-off, or dissuasive. I find light bondage very easy to apply, and the easiest way to increase your imagingation in that sense, it to ask yourself 'How can I tie her to that?'. Even things that may not seem initially obvios, like a sofa. If you were to have your wife kneel on the seat, facing the back, then bind her hands, run the rope under the sofa, and tie it to her ankles. She is restricted to some degree, but still able to move and squirm.

You sond from your post to be able to be pretty dominant, I think it is all about confidence. If you feel happy trying something, then you should try it. As other people have said, if something isn't working, then youcan look at why. Mistakes will happen, but that is all part of the learning curve.

Good luck to us both.