Pain and its place in BDSM

[Ranai]

Hi master_kyrk1, thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. Your reflections on pain play for pleasure vs. pain as punishment, and how each emotionally affects you as a dominant in a different manner, are insightful.

It is important to recall that the definition of a sadist is a person who enjoys infoicting pain on an unwilling vicitm.

I would like to offer an alternative, less narrow definition of ‘sadist’.

A sadist is a person who enjoys inflicting pain.
This is a sexual disposition.

It can be done to an unwilling victim, or consensually and carefully to someone who enjoys it. (Or, carefully and consensually, to someone who consents to take a certain degree of pain as a punishment in the context of a D/s relationship.)
This is an ethical choice.

There are sadists who commit abuse, sadists who practise consensual BDSM, and sadists who don’t put their disposition into practice except in their fantasy life.

So in my opinion it’s perfectly possible for someone who practises BDSM consensually, and skilfully and lovingly flogs their masochistic partner to ecstasy, to say ‘I enjoy giving pain. I am a sadist.’
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On the question about pain and its place, there are lots of options within the boundaries of SSC. Just a few examples:

It's perfectly possible to say: 'I enjoy taking pain within certain limits and boundaries as part of our SM play. I am a masochist.'

Or: 'I am a masochist, and what especially gets me off is when my dominant and I engage in play that involves pain dished out for no apparent reason (except of course because we both get off on it).' This can still be perfectly consensual and within limits.

'Humiliation yes, pain no.' Or: 'Pain yes, humilation no.' Or: 'Both, please.' Or: 'Neither. I just love it when he/she takes control and dominates me.'

'I accept punishments within certain limits as part of our D/s relationship, even though I don't enjoy them.'

'I am masochistic, but not a full time submissive. I just want some pain play for fun now and then. Anybody who thinks they are in a position to 'punish' me, take a hike!'

etc.
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Bald_J_and_F, determining and listing the circumstances under which pain is acceptable and unacceptable for you personally, shows you as responsible and competent partners. Other people's limits and conditions may differ from yours; they are still limits and conditions.

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Giving and taking pain, under whatever circumstances, is certainly not a condicio sine qua non, something that needs to be present to give D/s flavour to a relationship. There are lots of lovely possibilities of D/s interaction without any pain involved at all. As the other contributors to this thread have mentioned, it is for the individuals involved to decide whether pain has a place in their relationship or not. And if so, to what degree and under which circumstances.