I really was helped out by some books on the topic. They spelled things out, weren't as confusing as some of the info you find on the 'net which can sometimes make you feel like you aren't a "real player" unless you walk around collared and in leather all day long, which is BS.

We have oodles, but some basic ones are "The New Bottoming Book", "The New Topping Book", "Screw the Roses, send me the thorns", "Senuous Magic", and one we don't have, but most of these books recommend is called something like "What to do when someone you love is kinky".

These talk about the basics, help you get a feel for things and explain the basics of different subs and tops(and us poor switchs ) because subs/tops get off on different things. For example, DH and I have no interest at all in spanking, but that's the first thing people think of when they think BDSM.

HTH and good luck. It's a lot of fun and helps you outside the bedroom as well.