Incest isn’t my thing either, not at all, but putting that aside this is a good and interesting little story. I do enjoy femdom fiction, and I must say this is a theme I haven’t come across before, so I certainly appreciate your wicked imagination. TG’ s right to admire your work.

Criticisms, since you specifically asked:

-I agree with Louise, “I” has been over used. I noted a number of passive ‘was’ sentences too.

e.g. “I was sitting at my father's desk, in his study, and I hadn't meant to snoop, I was just checking my email, but I'd happened upon the favorites list as I waited for the web page to load.”

Sitting a father’s desk, I hadn’t meant to snoop while checking my email--I’d just happened upon the favourite list as the web page to load.

-Particularly in the beginning of the story there’s a lot of telling rather than showing that I think rather flattened some potentially titillating bits. e.g. “ My bisexuality was obvious.” Sure, you told your readers, but I think most would have much preferred you showed them instead—in vivid and sizzling detail.

-I also felt that my feeling of suspended belief was stretched to breaking point for exactly the same reason as Louise. Maybe this was because it’s a genre that doesn’t appeals to me? I don’t know, it just didn’t seem like a realistic scenario. I just couldn’t get my head around the whole thing of her father instantly obeying her just because she slipped into something sexy and told him to call her “Mistress”. Realistically, would he have been quite so compliant, quite so quickly? A little more resistance, too, would have, I feel, made it a whole lot more interesting and teasy.

But really, the bottom line is, if you readers enjoyed it, then it’s a good story.