Well, you’re brave that’s for sure. It’s always so hard to write stories written in a different time and place to what we’re familiar with. And, of course, although I’m not one of them, there’ll always be that pain in the ass history buff who insists of telling you exactly where the facts aren’t in fact facts with some pissy little bit of insignificant information. (That reminds me, are you sure the Phoenicians were still around when Caligula came to rule over Rome?)

So, this is obviously a big project and you’re obviously putting a lot of effort into it. I think it’s good, but it needs a little a tidying up before it’s great.

Here’s what I noted:

I felt there were many good and interesting passages that had been flattened by passive phrasing—the “were” and “was” words. “Salidia was bored, but was taking the opportunity to just sit back and relax. ... is passive. ”Salidia felt bored and so decided to take the opportunity to ”... is active.

Avoid being verbose. Those who know a whole lot more about it than me say: Write your story then cull out all the ‘extra’ words. What do I mean? This is what I mean: “She had gone up the coast to buy slaves, where she had gotten 20, as well as an exquisitely soft wool gown for herself, and a tunic for Selenius made of the same luxurious wool.” Should be: “She had gone up the coast and bought twenty slaves, as well as an exquisitely soft wool gown for herself, and a tunic for Selenius made of the same luxurious wool.” Your story is good and interesting, but I noted many places where it’s cluttered with extra words.

Oh, and unless it’s a really high number with lots of digits, like say 125, 651, type the word. It's not a big deal but it's just slightly jarring for your reader to find a numeral in amongst the words.

And, while I’m in a pit picky mood, avoid using ‘etc’, unless it’s in dialog. I have a vivid imagination, but I still can't visualise what "etc" is, ever.

Remember, also, you’re writing for the www, people outside of the USA use metric measurements, so imperial will often be confusing for them. Avoid using exact measurements of either type, really, descriptions are always more interesting. E.g. “Salidia walked up to the Phoenician captain and stood inches from his face.”, or Salidia walked up and stood so close to the Phoenician captain that she could feel his moist warm breath on her cheeks/smell the stale wine on his breath/ or whatever.

Always keep the vernacular true to the period of time that you’re writing. "Those guys have always got ants in their pants “, doesn’t really sound realistic for ancient Phoenicians’ time, does it? Besides didn’t they wear skirts or togas, or something like that?

Look, I’m no expert, so please take or leave what you want from this. You asked for ‘help’ so I hope this is helpful.

I wish you well with your future writing,

Alex