Quote Originally Posted by chksng19
First, let me say you're very fortunate to have found a partner who is so caring and thoughtful. This is a thing to nurture and grow. I'm glad for you.

To talk to him about what you need, why not try it one of two ways. When you both feel mellow, make a game out of making a list of all the things you'd like to try, and you'd like done to yourself. This might awaken him that he's not entirely living up to what you need. Otherwise, change the method a little; be a Domme who wants to (insert need here), and keep him gagged while he punishes you, while still having the safeword clearly understood. (My partner and I tried this, and it was fun.)

Try it and see. I hope you can work it all out together.
Thanks TaintedJohn and chksng19. I knew posting my question here would get me some sane and balanced advice. This website never fails to impress me. I agree with both of you that I need to talk to him about this.

chksng19, I really liked your idea making a game out of it......We actually have done just that....."you tell me your favorite fantasy and I'll tell you mine." I think his problem is that he lacks confidence to actually "take charge." It's so against his normal demeanor, but truthfully I think it would be great for him to express that side of himself.

One follow-up question - Does anyone have a "success" story of two subs making a BDSM relationship work? Is it possible? If so, what types of things need to be discussed and negotiated? Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks to all of you for such a great site!