Quote Originally Posted by Lil One
(snip)My problem (if someone as blessed as me can have one) is that both of us tend to enjoy being sexually submissive. His submissiveness isn't as much of a problem for me. I tend to enjoy switching, so I can be dominant when the situation calls for it. But my submissiveness tends to be a problem for him. For example, we were playing last weekend and he was paddling me with a canoe paddle. Every few strokes he would stop and ask "Am I hitting you too hard? Do you need me to stop?" Sometimes I worry that when I'm the submissive, he is not totally comfortable being dominant. I know his intention is to please me, and for that I'm grateful. But our sessions are never *exactly* what I need.

I've read a lot of posts that talk about discussing this openly, and to a large extent I have (without saying outright that his "performance" is exactly what I'm looking for, which I think would be incredibly hurtful). We've talked quite a bit about our fantasies and what we like and don't like, but telling him my fantasies never *quite* translates into what I need to have happen when I'm the submissive one
First, let me say you're very fortunate to have found a partner who is so caring and thoughtful. This is a thing to nurture and grow. I'm glad for you.

To talk to him about what you need, why not try it one of two ways. When you both feel mellow, make a game out of making a list of all the things you'd like to try, and you'd like done to yourself. This might awaken him that he's not entirely living up to what you need. Otherwise, change the method a little; be a Domme who wants to (insert need here), and keep him gagged while he punishes you, while still having the safeword clearly understood. (My partner and I tried this, and it was fun.)

Try it and see. I hope you can work it all out together.