A well put story. Though, as usual, I have some gripes. So, here we go...


The woman, Anthea, was also dreaming of the night’s adventures as she lay there.This was a particularly awkward sentence. You could have eliminated the "as she lay there" or begun the sentence with it and it would have made a far better flow.

Her day had been pretty horrible as it usually was for her. Being the boss of a fair sized employment agency was, for Anthea, a pretty harsh place to be.

I think you could have chosen a better reference to her position at work. I would have chosen "supervisor" or some other phrase to describe her position. If she owns the business she is the owner. Also, since when is being the boss a bad thing? Better to be the boss than an employee. This just didn't sit well.

The part in pink is because it's redundant. We know who you are talking about. The seperation sort of chops the flow.

The part in light blue was the most egregious part of the first paragraph. It references being the boss as being a place. Further, it was "pretty harsh". This is common parlance but has no place in narration.

She felt she needed to keep on top by being hard on everyone, letting no stone go unturned.

You reference two different things here; she stays on top by being hard on people - but stones are things. It's very akward.

Further down the story...

Anthea felt she was somehow slipping under some kind of spell. Once her blouse was open she let her hands fall once more and waited what seemed like an age for the next command she knew would come.

The second sentence was awkard and should have been modified into two sentences. Suggestion: "Once her blouse was open she let her hands fall. Time passed interminably slow as she waited for his next command."

Setting up anticipation is not the easiest of tasks. Providing short bursts of the mood you are wanting to convey tends to amplify your situation and bring it to the reader.

She resigned herself to the reality of what she was allowing herself to be put through as she felt her hands tied together with pristine white, cotton rope.

This may be just me but I don't understand what pristine white is. Sounds like a new color - like egg shell white or adobe white. Also, you tend to use "as" too often. You need to find more ways to express what is happening. I would actually offer things switched about for better flow too. Also, try to cut down on the words - think of ways to shorten what you are conveying. For instance: "As she felt her hands tied together, she resigned herself to the reality of what she was allowing."

She felt her arms stretched as the rope was pulled and she stood up as the strain on her wrists and arms was kept up until she found herself just ever so slightly on her toes.

This was not a great sentence. First of all, you went passive; "felt her arms stretched". Get rid of that. Make it immediate. Make it now. Make the reader feel the stretching.

This was also too long of a sentence. This should be in short bursts. This needs to be exciting and make the reader speed through to see her final position.

Suggestion: "The rope pulled tight, stretching her arms from her body. The ever tightening bondage pulled her to her feet, straining her arm's every sinew. She was left helpless, her toes barely scraping the floor below."

Okay, my suggestion isn't great. But the immediacy is there. Don't go passive when things heat up. Bring the reader into the action by making it now; not then. Once you have them into the moment they won't notice any mistakes because they will be there.

The very next paragraph does a complete switcheroo. It starts:
Striding slowly and purposefully Bruce passes in front of her and took a single tailed whip off a hook on the wall. Taking it in his hands he turned to look at her.

What I commented on, for the most part, was stylistic. This is a huge technical gaffe. The story is written in third person omniscient - past tense. Then it takes a huge swing towards current tense and then swings back to past. I don't have to say anything else about that. I am sure you caught it after you reread it.

Don't take this as a bad review. It's a good piece. My job is to pitch a fit about the things that can be improved, not to pat you on the back. Well, maybe one pat. It was a good read and you did a good job.

Now I must head back to the fiery pits from whence I came.