Rhabbi's Final Level One Assignment Assignment

[Dragon's muse]

Write a short story starting with the line

A tear trickled down Nikki's cheek as she looked out the window at the rainy street scene fifteen stories below her.

[Rhabbi]

A tear trickled down Nikki's cheek as she looked out the window at the rainy street scene fifteen stories below her. She leaned back into her Master’s chest with a sigh of contentment.

“Are you thinking about the last time we were here?”

“Yes, Master,” she replied, “You were incredibly patient with me.”

“It really was nothing.”

Thinking back he recalled that day, was it really 25 years ago?

“Nikki, are you ready?”

Then he saw her, sitting on the bed staring down at the dress she had just removed.

“What is it love?” He asked as he knelt at her side.

“No,” she cried as she became aware of him. She quickly dropped to her knees and said, “You know I don’t like it when you kneel around me, that is my position.”

He stood and pulled her to her feet. “You have been in here for 20 minutes and are not ready for the ceremony. What is wrong?”

“I was just thinking.”

“You know better than to try to lie to me, at least you should. I know you too well.”

“It is nothing; I will be ready in a few minutes. Just have to finish changing.”

He looked down at her and sighed. “I will tell them that the collaring has been postponed. If you have doubts we can wait.”

She just looked at him in shock as he turned to leave.

“NO!” She yelled as he reached the door.

He turned to look at her and frowned.

“I am sorry Master, I am ready. Please do not delay the ceremony.”

“Then you must tell me what the problem is.”

Nikki looked at him and bit her lip.

“I am being silly Master.”

“That is for me to decide, not you. If you do not tell me we will leave our plans for the evening unfinished. The collaring is simply an expression of your love and submission. I do not need it, any more than you needed the wedding we already had.”

“I know Master, but it is my gift to you.”

He simply stood by the door and waited.

“I do not understand what my problem is. I know you love me.”

“Of course I do,” he replied as he moved to take her into his arms.

Holding her tight he spent a few minutes just enjoying the feel of his new wife, and the thought that she wanted to be collared in front of their friends.

“We have people out there waiting on us. I am sure that they can entertain themselves, but if we do not do something soon they may get the wrong idea.

“I saw you earlier, with Katy.”

“Oh?”

“You kissed her.”

“Of course, she needed to know that we were still friends, and that it is not her fault that Steve dumped her.”

“I know, but it reminded me about how Jerry left me for that other sub.”

“And your parents divorce.”

“Yes.”

I cannot guarantee you that we will not have problems. In fact I can pretty much guarantee that we will. But the fact that we are married should be some reassurance to you.”

“It is.’

“I do not believe in divorce as an option. I have told you that. And you have agreed with me in that.”

“Yes.”

“Well then, what else can be said?” He asked this with a teasing smile as he pulled her close again.

“I do not know Master, but will we still be together in the future?”

“As long as I have anything to say about it, the answer to that question will be yes.”

She turned in his arms as the tears continued to flow down her face.

“It has been a long and sometimes difficult road, are you happy that we walked it together?”

In reply he reached up to her collar and used it to pull her to his mouth. Kissing her deeply he put all the love he felt for her and all the passion he could muster into letting her know that the next thing he would say to her is absolutely true.

“I would not trade a single moment I have spent with you for anything that I can imagine.”

"Will we still be together in the future?"

Laughing, he fell onto the bed with her, "As long as I have anything to say about it."

[Dragon's muse]

This is simply wonderful. i like the way you tell the story with dialogue. It makes the characters feel very real. The emotions of the pair shine through with heart-rending clarity. i think a good many subs know exactly what Niki is going through during the flashback.

And precious few nits to pick as well.

You definitely are ready to be kicked upstairs to Aussiegirl in Level II. i will pm Aussie girl and the Deep to get you access to level two. Hope to see you come back to critique/review other students assignments. Your writing shows some serious potential. Keep up the good work. i will follow your progress through the levels with great interest.

A tear trickled down Nikki's cheek as she looked out the window at the rainy street scene fifteen stories below her. She leaned back into her Master’s chest with a sigh of contentment.

“Are you thinking about the last time we were here?”

“Yes, Master,” she replied, “You were incredibly patient with me.”

“It really was nothing.”

Thinking back he recalled that day, was it really 25 years ago?

“Nikki, are you ready?”

Then he saw her, sitting on the bed staring down at the dress she had just removed.

“What is it, love?” He asked as he knelt at her side.

“No,” she cried as she became aware of him. She quickly dropped to her knees and said, “You know I don’t like it when you kneel around me, that is my position.”

He stood and pulled her to her feet. “You have been in here for 20 minutes and are not ready for the ceremony. What is wrong?”

“I was just thinking.”

“You know better than to try to lie to me, at least you should. I know you too well.”

“It is nothing; I will be ready in a few minutes. Just have to finish changing.”

He looked down at her and sighed. “I will tell them that the collaring has been postponed. If you have doubts we can wait.”

She just looked at him in shock as he turned to leave.

“NO!” She yelled as he reached the door.

He turned to look at her and frowned.

“I am sorry, Master, I am ready. Please do not delay the ceremony.”

“Then you must tell me what the problem is.”

Nikki looked at him and bit her lip.

“I am being silly, Master.”

“That is for me to decide, not you. If you do not tell me we will leave our plans for the evening unfinished. The collaring is simply an expression of your love and submission. I do not need it, any more than you needed the wedding we already had.”

“I know, Master, but it is my gift to you.”

He simply stood by the door and waited.

“I do not understand what my problem is. I know you love me.”

“Of course, I do,” he replied as he moved to take her into his arms.

Holding her tight he spent a few minutes just enjoying the feel of his new wife, and the thought that she wanted to be collared in front of their friends.

“We have people out there waiting on us. I am sure that they can entertain themselves, but if we do not do something soon they may get the wrong idea.

“I saw you earlier, with Katy.”

“Oh?”

“You kissed her.”

“Of course, she needed to know that we were still friends, and that it is not her fault that Steve dumped her.”

“I know, but it reminded me about how Jerry left me for that other sub.”

“And your parents divorce.”

“Yes.”

I cannot guarantee you that we will not have problems. In fact I can pretty much guarantee that we will. But the fact that we are married should be some reassurance to you.”

“It is.’

“I do not believe in divorce as an option. I have told you that. And you have agreed with me in that.”

“Yes.”

“Well then, what else can be said?” He asked this with a teasing smile as he pulled her close again.

“I do not know Master, but will we still be together in the future?”

“As long as I have anything to say about it, the answer to that question will be yes.”

She turned in his arms as the tears continued to flow down her face.

“It has been a long and sometimes difficult road, are you happy that we walked it together?”

In reply he reached up to her collar and used it to pull her to his mouth. Kissing her deeply he put all the love he felt for her and all the passion he could muster into letting her know that the next thing he would say to her is (your only slip in verb tense--should be a past tense verb here) absolutely true.

“I would not trade a single moment I have spent with you for anything that I can imagine.”

"Will we still be together in the future?"

Laughing, he fell onto the bed with her, "As long as I have anything to say about it."

[tessa]

I enjoyed reading this. Very little in the way of description, but I could imagine the scene easily, saw it played out in my head. Using dialogue in this way, as rose pointed out, really worked well in this story. Yes, it was an assignment, but still, thank you for sharing it.

[Mad Lews]

Very nice, an intensely personal scene that precedes the more public one. We are privileged to share their intense emotional interplay. A mere physical description would detract from your telling. You've created a scene that transcends such mundane matters.
Mad Lews

[H Dean]

I will have to put my "ditto" to work here. Very well done all the way around. Mad hit it right on the head with his comments. I especially enjoyed the final line. It was quite right.

[Rhabbi]

Something interesting that I noticed, the men all seem to think that descriptions are unnescerray, which iw why i left them out, yet the women prefer them. I wonder why?