Hi Tessa, I think you were referring to the post in which you talked about your confusion about the roles outside of the bedroom and where you had an outburst about a mess with your husband.

There are many ways to explore your roles and people forget that real relationships are about many different things, not just one facet. That is why they are so so hard. It's not the fairy tale in which you discover a new intimacy and a hotter sex life and so everything else is now going to be perfect. As you stated we are all human. Dominance and submission, sex, children, finances, goals, interests, failures, lessons learned, victories achieved, communication, understanding, give and take and so on and so on forever as long as you are both together.

You both have an opportunity to become closer than you have ever been, to trust each other with things that most people can't even talk about. And you will find its not just about exploring your submission and his dominance. It will spill over into other things and you will both become stronger for it. I once heard that women crave and need to feel adored and men need to feel respected in a relationship. I think you will find that you will both start to more keenly feel those things even if you didn't before.

You are not failing at being submissive because you had an argument with your husband. He is not failing at being dominant if he didn't turn you over his knee after. But I wonder what would have happened with your guilt over it if he had (after you both were calm, next day maybe) sat down with you and then punished you then. You both are redefining your roles a bit and its not an easy thing. Do you want to be submissive all the time, part of the time, what does he want. I think you are both talking about these things and that is key. If you are looking for someone to say he should have turned you over his knee well, that is something perhaps you can talk about too. What happens when you do something and you are at fault when you are submitting to him and you want your roles to be that way.

Again thank you for sharing and if I didn't answer you the way you were looking for I guess that is because there is no right answer, only observations from experience.