Quote Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
Now I realize that BDSM is termed as a "lifestyle" (whateverthehellthatmeans) but I am more inclined to group it in to sexual behavior for my thoughts on this.


For that answer, read my very old article here named "What is BDSM?"

Now, to answer a few of your other questions. BDSM relationships are relationships, just like any other kind of relationship is just a relationship. When you enter into a BDSM relationship, you agree to abide by the merits and parameters of that relationships, just like any other kind of relationship.

When people enter into a vanilla relationship, they assume fidelity will exist. When people enter into an engagement, they assume the fidelity will continue. When people enter into a marriage, they assume fidelity, again, will continue. Unless that is not what the partners have agreed to. I have known many people in polygamous relationships, and in open marriages. The common theme in all of their relationships was that they agreed to those things beforehand or they talked about them during their course of their relationship and agreed to change things.

The same thing applies to BDSM relationships. If a person goes into a BDSM relationship with the idea of strict monogamy, then their partner should respect that. However, if the relationship entered into is one of polyamoury or if the aspects of the relationship change over time and the people involved want to include others, then that is not infidelity, that is renegotiation or communication.

Granted, any dominant whether online or off, that "cheats" on his submissive by going around behind her back or playing with another submissive without first communicating his desire or renegotiating the parameters of his relationship is guilty if infidelity. At that point, I would venture to guess that any negotiated contract the two parties agreed to becomes null and void and the submissive can, and darn well should, look for a faithful partner.

And submissives do it, too. In fact, in my experience, submissives do it a lot more than dominants do. Especially (and no offense guys) male submissives. Talking from mostly online experience, I can safely say that that about 8 out of every 10 submissves that I know in online relationships have commited an act of infidelity, if you can call it that when it involves cybersex or cyberBDSM. But don't think I'm taking the dominants' side in any of this. I've seen some online "dominants" use every trick in the book, from creating new chat nicks to creating new IM accounts to moving to another chat system with the objects of their infedlities. Mostly, male dominants do this, I have noticed. And mostly, they're not very good at it either.

So, what it boils down to, getting back on topic, is what you've decided for your relationship. If you've decided that more than one partner is fine, then it is. If you want monogamy, then that's fine, too. And hey, you can always renegotiate later.