Welcome to the forums, Uncertain_Curiousity, and thank you for opening up and telling us about yourself --- i know that can't have been easy.

It's also not easy to untangle 'what we truly desire' from 'what we've been programmed to expect'. And just because we have these dark fantasies doesn't mean we can't have the house, the dog, picket fence the adoring husband and the happy normal family. Sometimes it just means that we like to fantasize about being bound by that adoring husband to that fence with the dog's leash (or tying hubby to it).

Just keep talking to us. You're among friends.
hugs,
elyse