Dear Lord, echoes, you weave magic with your words. I can't at present decide about the re-work; I like the repetition start/end, but I feel the inclusion of the third (middle) one as well is over-stating it... and yet, and yet... with each repetition, that one stanza's meaning and rythm changes in my mind, twisted and mutated each time by what has been said in between, and gradually becoming more elemental, harder to grasp until she whisks away... So I think it must work!

I'm sure you'll carry on working on this one a bit more, until you are happy and settled with its form. I think it is wonderful that you can interact with people here so successfully to mould your beautiful pieces.