Mina says hello

[mina]

Hey everyone. I've been looking for a place like this to join recently. The thing is, I'm not sure if my lifestyle/relationship is considered a normal BDSM one (some major differences), but I had been wondering if anyone else had experienced anything remotely similar. I'm new to the whole thing, though I've been living like this for almost two years, we just never label it or anything, it just is what it is. Anyway, so I started reading up on some stuff like the whole master/slave thing and TPE and 24/7 and all that sounded pretty close to my relationship. I find it fascinating that there are so many people into this type of thing, and I'm glad I found this forum.

I would like to give more information about myself but I don't know if I should go into detail yet, as some people might not "approve" or something, I don't know.

[Aesop]

As long as you aren't bringing non-consenting people or children into your relationship I doubt anyone will have a problem with it. We're a pretty open minded bunch 'round here. Welcome to the forums.

[Silke]

Hi Mina and... to the forums!
So what're the major differences? *curious*

[Tojo]

Hi Mina, & welcome. I wouldn't worry too much about offending anyone here, we're all into different things.

I'm sure we'll all await with bated breath for more details.

Hope you enjoy it here.

Tojo

[submissivewife]

I'm with Silke...whats the major differences? Never know....some of us might want some ideas as well.

Hope you enjoy the forums.

[mina]

Thanks everyone

So, major differences... Sorry if this gets long, I always take forever to explain things and give too much information sometimes (I don't even know if anyone will read this). Anyway, age is one difference. I'm 18 now, still a senior in high school, and he is 28. We've been together since about August two years ago. You do the math. I've been living with him since then too. Just to clear up any possible confusion, legally I was supposed to live with my aunt but that... wasn't working. She's sort of across the street from us too, and doesn't mind our situation (enough to stop it at least). Yes, he did kind of lure me to him when I was at a pretty low point in life, and I went into his house without thinking really, not caring what would happen to me at that point. Turned out alright though.

Anyway, basically... he has total control over my life, decides almost everything for me, and I am completely dependent upon him economically. I'm not allowed to get my driver's license or get a job, etc. He does like to be called Master, but it is not required. I don't know if I'd consider myself a slave though. While I must do everything he asks of me, he doesn't make me do chores or anything like that. In fact, he loves taking care of me and acts kind of as a parent towards me. He feeds me, takes me shopping and buys me clothes he would like me to wear, drives me to school & picks me up afterwards, etc. I also happen to have quite an obsession with Disney and Care bears (kid stuff) and he loves to buy me toys pertaining to them, he thinks my interest in them is cute lol.

If I wanted to though, I could not leave him. There aren't any contracts or anything, and no safe words either. I'll admit, it HAS gotten out of hand sometimes. Do I enjoy everything he does to me? Yes. For the most part. I don't know if anyone here does this (I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere), but lately he's been cutting me and drinking my blood more often. I still haven't decided if I like that. It is rather creepy, but.. I dunno, I always thought the whole vampire thing was pretty sexy. It's just weird when it's actually happening to you. However, I fully enjoy that he is doing what he wants to me.

I don't have anyone to talk to really about him or us. It's frustrating. I have two online best friends (I was a computer nerd before I met him, and he allows me to use his computer still ^^) and they don't like him at all. They just think he's totally taking advantage of me, is too aggressive and abusive, etc. But how is it abuse if I like it? I want it and need it. So, every time I mention him or something me and him did together around them they just get annoyed and tell me to leave him already. I love them but I wish they'd be more supportive.

Can't think of anything else to say... kind of braindead after doing a stupid school project. But there you go, that's basically what my life is like now.

[Aesop]

Hmm...well I don't like to judge folks, especially those I don't know, so I won't say yea or nay to your relationship with your man, but cutting can be a very dangerous activity. Blood-play has never been one of my favorite activities for that very reason. It's too easy to truly hurt someone. If I were you I would try to call that off for a little while and see how he reacts. You may like what he's doing to you now, but what if in the future you change your mind? Will he allow it? This might be a good test of that. Good luck to you Mina.

[Tojo]

Well I read it. Sounds creepy to me.

What do you mean 'If I wanted to though, I could not leave him?'

Does that mean you're emotionally committed or that you're held against your will?

Yes drinking blood is a little different...

Hmm.

Tojo

[Ozme52]

I'd say, regardless of your activities together, the level of play you two engage in, the use of a safeword or not (though having one is highly recommended...) regardless even, if you're entirely happy with him in all other respects...

If you're ultimately staying and playing because you don't feel you have any other options... (and I can see how one might feel that way if one feels totally economically dependent...)

If you don't feel like you could leave if you had to... you're in a dangerous situation. Because ultimately, you will relent to any activity rather than be kicked out.

That's dangerous.

The way most of us play, it's a power exchange. Something you willingly give up. So far, it sounds like something he's taken. A subtle but important difference. Which means, the more he takes (i.e., gets away with,) the more he will push your limits... until you have none... and you end up physically and/or mentally damaged or dead,

You need to talk to him about agreeing to limits... and don't dispair if he drops you... I suspect you could hook up with someone very easily... whether within the bdsm lifestyle or within a more vanilla lifestyle.

Don't be a pawn.

[Tojo]

Well put Oz, I had to cut my post short.

Wise words there Mina. There's a fine line between fantasy &.....whatever.

Use your head as well as your heart.

Another thing that concerns me at least, is your age. You started doing this when you were 16?
Many people do get involved in serious shennanigans, but not at that age. I think it's wise to start getting involved in D/s play at 18 or 20. Not sure it's good to be involved to such an extent at your age.

I mentioned this to 3 of my friends today, 2 of whom have a lot of experience in D/s play. They all said it sounds very dangerous.

You can do what you want in your life, but I think you know as well as we do- you're on the edge, if not actually falling off it.

Oh, & just because you enjoy something, doesn't mean it's not abuse.

Take care.


Tojo

[submissivewife]

One thing I have learned through both my Sir and my Daddy, go with your gut feeling. If you feel you are safe than I am happy for you. If you feel you aren't, then by all means, get out and STAY out.

subwife

[mina]

I really appreciate everyone's concern and advice. You all seem like a very caring and knowledgeable group. I would use the quote thing here but I'm too lazy and there would be too many quotes.

Aesop - I'm aware cutting is dangerous, I used to do it pretty frequently to myself. He disapproves of me doing it for that reason, so it is better that he should cut me instead of myself where at least he can control it.

Oz - While I do not have any other options (I can't imagine going back to live with my aunt and don't have money to be on my own) and wouldn't be allowed to leave anyway, I would NEVER want to leave. I love him too much. As for me willingly giving myself to him as opposed to him taking, I had already given up on life before I met him. Anything he does to me is fine. As cliche as this is, I don't know if I'd be here if it wasn't for him, honestly. I want someone to have control of my life, I don't care if that means I'm weak. I don't think he would push my limits to the point where I could seriously be hurt. He tries to maintain control, but sometimes because of his nature he can lose it. He does apologize (in his own way) later though.

Tojo - I am sorry that is creepy to you lol. Yes, I started when I was 16. I know going with him wasn't the smartest thing to do then, but like I said, it turned out alright. I disagree that I'm on the edge... As I mentioned before, I was at a very low point in life when I met him due to some tragic circumstances. I actually did want to die. Now I have someone who cares about me and would prevent that from ever happening.

submissivewife - I feel very safe with him =)

It's hard to describe everything within one or even a couple messages, but he really is wonderful. I am lucky to be with such a man. I could get all mushy here but I think I'll spare everyone that lol.

[Tojo]

Thanks for replying Mina. I appreciate that you didn't just say all this, then disappear.

You're very welcome here. Please keep posting- we have spies in Vegas watching your every move.

I note you didn't answer the comment that 'just because you enjoy it doesn't mean it's not abuse??'

Yeah I think I can see your point- like you may have a relationship that's not ideal, but it's better than being in a pine box.

Look, I'm not there, I don't know what you're feeling or what's going on. I'm not here to tell you what you should & shouldn't do. All I ask is please keep in touch- you can see you've found a place where people aren't going to say 'OH NO' & run screaming up the road.

Say what you want- we're listening. If you want to talk on a more personal level, PM someone suitable- I'll listen & so will a few others.

Hey at least you've survived this long, you must be doing something right!

Tojo

[Ozme52]

Oz - While I do not have any other options (I can't imagine going back to live with my aunt and don't have money to be on my own) and wouldn't be allowed to leave anyway, I would NEVER want to leave. I love him too much. As for me willingly giving myself to him as opposed to him taking, I had already given up on life before I met him. Anything he does to me is fine. As cliche as this is, I don't know if I'd be here if it wasn't for him, honestly. I want someone to have control of my life, I don't care if that means I'm weak. I don't think he would push my limits to the point where I could seriously be hurt. He tries to maintain control, but sometimes because of his nature he can lose it. He does apologize (in his own way) later though.

This statement is one of those danger signs, clear and presenst danger. If he can't control himself... and apologizes later... but "in his own way" as you put it... You are definitely in danger of getting "battered spouse" syndrome. It will escalate in violence as you continue to make excuses for his uncontrolled behavior. If he has so much rage that he regrets it but allows it to recur, you will end up in the hospital, probably multiple times. And when he begins to tire of you... he will begin to blame you for his behavior. You need to find another option.

Sorry Mina, but that's how I see it.

[mina]

This statement is one of those danger signs, clear and presenst danger. If he can't control himself... and apologizes later... but "in his own way" as you put it... You are definitely in danger of getting "battered spouse" syndrome. It will escalate in violence as you continue to make excuses for his uncontrolled behavior. If he has so much rage that he regrets it but allows it to recur, you will end up in the hospital, probably multiple times. And when he begins to tire of you... he will begin to blame you for his behavior. You need to find another option.

Sorry Mina, but that's how I see it.

I shouldn't have used the word "sometimes". Only very rarely has he lost control, and I wasn't about to die or anything. He doesn't allow it to recur either, those were just mistakes. And by "in his own way" I meant he does something very sweet =)

Please don't worry, I'm very happy with him. I can't imagine he would "begin to tire" of me either, he is pretty obsessed with me. We have plans for marriage as well.

[Ruby]

We have plans for marriage as well.

Whoo hoo!

So, he could be the one.

Congrats, Mina.

Ruby

PS

From what I'm reading, you have found a relationship that meets your needs, wants and desires. That's a beautiful thing.

[mina]

Thank you for being so supportive, I think I will keep posting =)

Oh and I did not mean to ignore the comment about abuse, please forgive me. I had a lot of things going through my mind then and I forgot it. I'm not sure what to say to that, I mean I still don't consider it abuse if I want it. And I want to again make it a point that I want and NEED to be dominated and controlled like this. I know he loves me very much and would never want to seriously hurt me physically or emotionally. I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything either, I will admit that he does have anger problems (which I really don't blame him for considering his past) and VERY RARELY he will act towards me out of anger, for which he apologizes later. But I think even normal relationships are like that.

I'm also kind of confused by your comments, you said a relationship that's not ideal? To me this is the best I could ask for. I guess I didn't make that clear enough before, but I absolutely love my relationship with him. I would even go as far as to say that fate brought us together.

[Warbaby1943]

I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything either, I will admit that he does have anger problems (which I really don't blame him for considering his past) and VERY RARELY he will act towards me out of anger, for which he apologizes later. But I think even normal relationships are like that.

Mina,

I'm certainly no expert but this sounds like abuse to me. I did have a niece who was a battered wife and she used to say very similar things like he was so sorry after the fact. Nuff on that subject, you have to decide.

Ruby hit the nail on the head with her comments. I believe you should have a drivers license and I also think you should have some type of job. Even if it is just part time. At least you'll have a couple bucks to call your own and give you a little self esteem. Maybe that would help keep you from ever getting to as low of a point in your life as you were at 2 years ago. 16 is way too young to give up all hope. Even now you are very young to have to decide the path the remainder of your life will take.

Keep in touch here.

[Ruby]

Welcome Mina!

So glad you could join us.

I hope you'll take some time to do more home work on the many aspects of living a BDSM lifestyle.

Only you and your partner can decide where you take your relationship. The more words you have to describe it and the more research you've done on the different types of play, the more you'll be able to define what you want (and don't).

As you continue in this relationship, you may want to bring up some valid concerns:
* What happens in case of emergency if you can't drive him home? (You have no license. Do you carry emergency cash? Do you have a state ID so you can identify your self?)
* What happens to you if he becomes injured or incapacitated? (Do you have a credit card? Can you prove that you are with him and can make decisions for him?)
* Will you have the legal power to pay his bills and take care of him?
* What about you? Medical coverage? Health insurance?

If fate brought you together, then you must help fate take care of the both of you.

Big hugs and squeezes,

Ruby

PS

Mina is a perfect name for a vampire's pet.

[Uncle_Ed]

Hello and welcome to our little world Mina!

I'm going to write my thoughts as an older person (!) who has brought up three daughters-all older than you!
Please understand that I'm not preaching as I have less experience than many who will chat with you. I do however want you to consider my take on your situation.

I detect a conflict between your head and your heart.
The fact that you are writing here suggests very strongly to me that you need advice as you are lost in your life-despite what you may say about wanting to be in this relationship.

As purely a knee-jerk reaction I would suggest that you need to run-far and fast. I have no idea if this is a practicality. I live in the UK and know nothing about the support you can get from your family or authorities.

Why do I say this? Because in my view a man who takes a 16-year old to live in this situation is extremely dangerous. A man who loses his temper with you is a danger-and a man who drinks your blood is especially so.

You state that he would never hurt you physically or emotionally.
Go back and read your own words. It seems to me he has-and is still doing-both.

If you were at ease with this you would not need to read the opinions of others-that alone should give you pause for thought.

As Tojo has already said-we cannot tell you what to do. I do think that you should VERY VERY CAREFULLY examine your life. You are a precious soul and you have you right to a good life with respect and without fear.

May your God walk with you.

Uncle Ed.

[mina]

Hello and welcome to our little world Mina!

I'm going to write my thoughts as an older person (!) who has brought up three daughters-all older than you!
Please understand that I'm not preaching as I have less experience than many who will chat with you. I do however want you to consider my take on your situation.

I detect a conflict between your head and your heart.
The fact that you are writing here suggests very strongly to me that you need advice as you are lost in your life-despite what you may say about wanting to be in this relationship.

As purely a knee-jerk reaction I would suggest that you need to run-far and fast. I have no idea if this is a practicality. I live in the UK and know nothing about the support you can get from your family or authorities.

Why do I say this? Because in my view a man who takes a 16-year old to live in this situation is extremely dangerous. A man who loses his temper with you is a danger-and a man who drinks your blood is especially so.

You state that he would never hurt you physically or emotionally.
Go back and read your own words. It seems to me he has-and is still doing-both.

If you were at ease with this you would not need to read the opinions of others-that alone should give you pause for thought.

As Tojo has already said-we cannot tell you what to do. I do think that you should VERY VERY CAREFULLY examine your life. You are a precious soul and you have you right to a good life with respect and without fear.

May your God walk with you.

Uncle Ed.

Whoa that was weird, I must have been writing my reply to Ruby just as you posted. Okay....first of all, I said he would never hurt me SERIOUSLY, where I would be impaired or something. Second of all, the reason I joined this site was because up until recently I had no idea other people lived like this (not exactly like me but you know what I mean), and wanted somewhere to read about other's experiences. The other reason I joined was because I have almost NO ONE else to talk to about this, and I figured people here might be more understanding. I'm tired of hiding it from people, and having to censor what I say to my friends. And it does feel good to talk about it and be honest about it.

I do appreciate your concern though. Really, thank you. But I promise you I'm fine and happy like this. I don't think he's dangerous either. I consider myself extremely lucky that he chose me and am able to live like this. I don't think age matters either. If he had to find someone younger to be the perfect sub and partner for him, who cares? It all works out in the end.

[mina]

Tojo - Ahh your compliments made me smile =) Thanks for being so understanding. <3

Masters_lilone - Thank you.

Ruby - The first three safe words you gave (no, stop, and please don't), I was thinking "Yeah right... those would turn him on more!" and then I read the potty break one and started cracking up! That WOULD be a perfect safe word... talk about turning someone off lol. You know, if things really got out of control I might have to use that. I might use it anyway just to see his reaction! Thanks for the advice, much love <3

Ed - That's very cool of you to share your poem with me. I like the idea of writing poems to communicate deeper feelings and thoughts to people. I'm not sure what you were hoping I'd get out of it, but it didn't really change my mind about anything. However, that doesn't mean it wasn't interesting to read or well written. Thanks for sharing.

[Tojo]

Anytime babe.

Take care.


Tojo

[Tojo]

By a 'less than ideal relationship' I meant one where one partner does act towards the other out of anger- even occasionally is too often.

You said in regards to that- 'normal relationships are like that.' That's not true at all.

I can't see that it's better that he should cut you than you do it yourself.
Wouldn't it would be better if he could help you to stop doing it altogether?

There's two issues here, knifeplay is something done as a part of extreme D/s play with experienced consenting people. It's also something that's linked to low self-esteem. I just hope you can see the difference.

You said he's cutting you & drinking your blood, & you haven't decided if you like that yet. That's also what I mean by less than ideal- you should not enter into such things until you're ready.

If I wanted to though, I could not leave him. There aren't any contracts or anything, and no safe words either. I'll admit, it HAS gotten out of hand sometimes.

That paragraph also makes me wonder if the relationship is less than ideal.
Again, I'm not there, I don't know the details, I'm just giving my opinion from what you've said. It should never get out of hand.

You seem smart Mina- you seem to be getting some positives from the relationship. It's good that you're going to school & that he doesn't mind you using the PC. All I'm saying, & I think all of us are, is to be a little careful- think about what you do & remember you have rights.

Now if I may throw in my personal opinion here(!) I think you're very young to be involved in something so heavy. I was 18 myself once, back in the time of the dinosaurs- I thought I knew it all.

There's a whole world out there.

Keep in touch & take care.

Tojo

[mina]

As you continue in this relationship, you may want to bring up some valid concerns:
* What happens in case of emergency if you can't drive him home? (You have no license. Do you carry emergency cash? Do you have a state ID so you can identify your self?)
* What happens to you if he becomes injured or incapacitated? (Do you have a credit card? Can you prove that you are with him and can make decisions for him?)
* Will you have the legal power to pay his bills and take care of him?
* What about you? Medical coverage? Health insurance?

If fate brought you together, then you must help fate take care of the both of you.

Big hugs and squeezes,

Ruby

PS

Mina is a perfect name for a vampire's pet.

Oh my goodness, Ruby... I never thought of some of those things before! I need to start asking him for emergency cash lol. He does give me money for school lunch and stuff... but not enough for an emergency. I'll have to talk to him about that.

About the driving, right now he drives me everywhere but he's decided to re-hire his staff again (he fired them because of us), including a chauffeur, so I guess I will need to get the chauffeur's cell number! Otherwise... I don't know.

And no, I don't have a credit card. He tells me not to worry about money, he pays for everything, including medical stuff. If for some strange reason I needed money elsewhere, my aunt may be of some help then. And if he becomes injured... that would really suck. I don't know, now I have a lot to talk to him about. Thank you so much for bringing all that up.

Oh and the last comment about my name made me smile I don't know if you said that because of your Vampire's Pet series (which looks fun btw) or because of my comment about the blood thing. But thank you, I love my name ^^

Once again thanks =)

[Ruby]

Oh and the last comment about my name made me smile I don't know if you said that because of your Vampire's Pet series (which looks fun btw) or because of my comment about the blood thing. But thank you, I love my name ^^

Once again thanks =)

Ever read Dracula?

Mina as in Wilhelmina "Mina" Murray, aka Harker's devoted fiancée, became Count Dracula's "pet".

When you mentioned blood play and I saw your online name, I wondered if you had picked it for that reason.

* gets all distracted thinking about some of
the handsome men who have played the count...

right - where were we? *

Welcoming you the forum,
suggesting that you do a bit of research to maximize the success of your relationship and offering lots of advice.

If you ever want to chat, PM or e-mail, I'm here.

Got questions you want to ask the forum? Ask away.

I'd say "be good and have fun" but that can be such an oxymoron. LOL

Please visit us often.

Ruby

[mina]

Ruby -

Oh yeah, forgot about the Dracula thing. Actually, Mina is my real name and I couldn't think of a creative username so I just used that.

Have you ever seen Queen of the Damned or Interview with the Vampire? Sexy vampires there, minus Tom Cruise. I have a folder on the computer with over a thousand pictures of Lestat from Queen of the Damned lol. Master actually saw the folder once (when it didn't have as many pictures) and got kind of mad, but I told him I just thought Lestat was "cool". Thankfully he didn't make me delete it though ^^

I'd say "be good and have fun" but that can be such an oxymoron. LOL

Hahaha, so true.

Anyway, thank you so much for your support and I hope to chat with you sometime. (By the way, is sometime even a word? Is it some time? With a space? My god I'm paranoid, I need sleep.)

[mina]

Tojo -

Sorry if I start making no sense - it's pretty late and I'm tired, no bed time was set up tonight.

The cutting. I would do it out of depression and the fact that it felt good. It feels good when he does it to me. I don't mind if he cuts me (I talked to him about not doing it on my arms - he agreed), the part I'm kind of iffy about is the blood drinking. The thing about the blood... I do sort of like it, but I came from a very religious background, and if my mother was still alive she would have deemed it satanic. I know my other activities with him aren't exactly "moral" either, but out of everything we do together the blood seems to be the most... I don't even know the word. If I brought this up to him as a huge issue he might reconsider doing it, yes. But I don't want to deny him anything when he gets those urges.

When I said it had gotten out of hand before, I just meant sometimes he had gone a little too far, and he did apologize later like I said. I didn't say he regularly takes it too far, but he has in the past and we've talked about it afterwards to prevent it in the future.

And when I said normal relationships are like that with regards to taking your anger out on someone... I still agree with that. Are you saying husbands and wives never yell at each other? No names have ever been called? In regards to physical, wouldn't you agree that some men have maybe accidentally done something they didn't mean to? One of my online friends, who has probably the most "normal" cute relationship I can think of, had something like that happen, just a minor thing one time. I'm just saying it happens, maybe not for everyone though.

Now if I may throw in my personal opinion here(!) I think you're very young to be involved in something so heavy. I was 18 myself once, back in the time of the dinosaurs- I thought I knew it all.

There's a whole world out there.

Hehe. You used to be young?
Anyway, I do agree that it's a lot for this age. But I still think his timing was perfect in my life. He really saved me. The emotional abuse I suffered from my aunt was a hundred times worse than anything he's ever done to me.

I know it's extreme and it's not normal, but it's what works for me. And I am careful. Once again, thanks for caring

[DungeonMaster6]

Hi Mina and welcome to our group. A lot has been said already which I agree with. I just want to say this. Domination and submission is a mutual thing between two consenting adults. You said:"...VERY RARELY he will act towards me out of anger..." I'm here to tell you that a scene should NEVER be done out of anger.

[mina]

Hi Mina and welcome to our group. A lot has been said already which I agree with. I just want to say this. Domination and submission is a mutual thing between two consenting adults. You said:"...VERY RARELY he will act towards me out of anger..." I'm here to tell you that a scene should NEVER be done out of anger.

Oh sorry if that was confusing, I wasn't talking about a "scene" (we don't really use that word) or anything sexual in regards to the anger thing. I meant in daily life sometimes he has lost his temper and done something, either verbal or physical.

Silke - I truly appreciate you sharing all that with me, and I can understand what you're saying. I'm also glad you have found someone who looks out for you like that, that's wonderful. I understand about consent, and I do consent to him doing whatever he wants with me, including the blood even if I have my doubts about it morally. Anyway, thanks and I hope to talk with you in the future

Rabbit - First of all, I love your avatar. The thing about the safe word is that I don't want him to feel like I don't trust him already. I'm also not sure if I would enjoy it as much if there was a safe word - that takes something away from it. I want it to feel slightly dangerous, I want him to have total control like that. Btw, what would be a good safe word to use anyway? I can imagine most safe words would just encourage him more. Thank you for your advice.