Does you mother know?

[spike]

I saw a poll/thread on a similar subject at another site and wondered about the 10,000 people here. What experiences have people had with senior family members in relation to BDSM Life? On the other site there were some who thought their parents probably knew, one who got caught playing with their parents' ropes.

Nothing to report myself. My parents knew when I was in a 3-way relationship when younger. Their reaction to that meant I made sure they hardly knew of the existence of the woman I had a BDSM relationship with. So I am a definite 'No'

Spike the secretive

[Mobius]

My elderly Parental unit knows that I like some thing called BDSM. But he does not quite know what BDSM is.
He knows that I like to discus things on this forum. And I have often involved him in the more genereric discusions. He does not have access to this side of the computer and he is not literate enough to get to my stash of pics and storys vids etc. He has his own account email favorites.
I have cought him reading from my pile o smut and have had to scold him about it, some times."get your own smut" I would say. He is a prelific Reader. I do remember back in the middle 80's that he read the slave girls of gor. Back then, I was the one that did not know any thing about bondage. When I walked into the living room he quickly put the book away. And would not show me what it was. I lator found it in his pile of read books by his bed.

He loves to read about fantasy dragons wizirds and the like. I sware that he has read every book in the library.
He is a very big potter head, Harry potter. Read all the books and seen the movies. I have never realy like the dungeons and dragons stuff but I will tolerate it so he can get his potter fix amounst the little kiddys.

It is odd how life some times flips over time.

[TaintedJohn]

My step-mom doesn't know, but she has been amazingly tolerant of two of my siblings coming out that they are gay. When she was younger, I would have never thought she could handle anything outside the norm in this area. I was wrong about her, but I still have absolutely no intention of her finding out this info, even if pets have to die to prevent it.

I have always had this aura of being "The" black-sheep of the family, but I'm pretty sure that my BDSM activities would solidify my perament hold on the family title. My brothers would certainly bust my chops, but outside of this sure never-ending humiliation, a family BDSM outing would not really effect me much.

My younger sister, who I'm close with, knows and she has admitted a vague interest in some BDSM. Vaguely admitted would be closer to the truth. I'm still a little in the dark about how she really feels about what I've told her. It might fall in the category of over-share.

Now, my in-laws I'm sure would have an intervention if they found out. We would walk in and the toy bag's contents would be laid out on table in front of that entire side of the family plus clergy plus someone from social services that specializing in domestic abuse. The intervention, of course, would first open with a prayer.

Everyone would be staring at me with loathing and at my wife with pity, when it's pointed out to me "that it takes a pretty disturbed man to do these kind of things to a woman" <like they have ANY kind of idea what kinda things are really going on just by looking at the toy bag> and "what do you have to say for yourself?" This last question is a no-brainer for me. I'm dropping straight to my knees, at my Domme's feet, and asking "Goddess, am I allowed to reply?" <the now totally doomed sub would be staring at the carpet at this point>

tj

[spike]

LAUGHS VERY LOUD at 6:30 in the morning!!!!

tj, that is so deeply funny that I may have to go to the park to be free to laugh loud enough. Here was I, imagining people would have little anecdotes to tell, say, of having to hide a dildo at short notice with only one obvious place to put it, but I never imagined the imaginary responses would get this good.

(re your current signature: )Dorthy may not be in Kansas anymore, but somebody is.

Oh my

Spike

[Pandora's Box]

They know I'm sexually explorative, but not specifically into bdsm.

I remember one time that I had a butt plug soaking in the bathroom sink. Left it there.... lazy me.

I was at home alone and had forgot about it. Dad came home.

"What is this? Looks like a 'stopper'..."

"It's glass art, got it years ago at Saturday Market, isn't it cool?" was my reply.

As I quickly but nonchalantly snatched it from his hands.

Yes I've been much more careful since then. LOL

[theSpanker]

LOL!

Great answer!

[new master]

yes they know, kinda hard to hide the fact with my wife/sub waling around wearing her very obvious collar and "slave" wrist band, or me wearing a wristband with "master" emblazoned across it. my biological mother just says "t.m.i." (too much information) by adopted family just laughingly call my wife and i freaks while my mother-in-law (a pro-domme) only encourages us to "have fun" and even suggested the website www.bondage.com (a good site IF you pay for the "premium" membership but try and do anything as a "free member" (even post in their forum) and you get nowhere fast

[albear]

I think my mother suspects. She's one of those helpful types who liked to pop over, let herself in while I was at work, and "just clean up a bit" to help us out. Ropes on the bedposts....what excuse is there for that?

[slavelucy]

i told my Mum about my interest in BDSM fairly recently. She is pretty liberally minded and frankly it felt wonderful to share something so important WITH someone who is important to me. (it may be also worth mentioning that we generally have no problems talking about sex etc anyway). i told her she could ask me any questions she liked, which she did and which i tried to answer honestly. She seemed a little dazed with it all at first but later said she really appreciated me sharing it with her and she felt privilaged that i had. My Dad is a whole other kettle of fish, he'd have heart failiure if he knew! i say this not only through, well, his probable embarrassment but i beleieve he would have a problem with me submitting to any man, ever. (long story for another time).

i don't think there's anything wrong with not telling people, sometimes it's best not to share every element of oneself with someone, we do this automatically when we modify elements of our behaviour with various different people...i do think though that if it's at all possible to share stuff with people, you should definately do it, certainly when i joined these forums i felt a strong sense of 'hey, all these other people are like this too' (yikes!) and to tell someone who already knew me was cool too.

sl

[MrJerseyGuy]

They know I'm sexually explorative, but not specifically into bdsm.

I remember one time that I had a butt plug soaking in the bathroom sink. Left it there.... lazy me.

I was at home alone and had forgot about it. Dad came home.

"What is this? Looks like a 'stopper'..."

"It's glass art, got it years ago at Saturday Market, isn't it cool?" was my reply.

As I quickly but nonchalantly snatched it from his hands.

Yes I've been much more careful since then. LOL

I think I told my story PB. Last November...surprise birthday party...got shit faced and several friends, all girls, brought me home and put me to bed. I had handcuffs still dangling from the I-bolts on either side of the bed! A little hard to explain that as modern art!

As far as my parents go...we've never discussed it but they know me well enough that it wouldn't surprise them.

[Shadoom]

My parents -- well, they haven't had sex in twenty years (I know, because ym Dad complains about it, often!) My mother is a very unhappy person who was truly abused by her parents; whiel she was cool with me growing up, she hasn't aged well. So no, they have no clue. My mother would go ballistic; Dad wouldn;t know what to think.

My wife's parents already want to shoot me (after 22 years, they still expect us to divorce at any minute!)

Parents aren't the problem -- kids are. Some examples:

I walk in to find my 9yo daughter rubbing the back of her Barbie with her mother's favorite dildo. "I'm giving her a massage!" the girl said as the toy buzzed in her hands. Eeeek!

My two older, teenage daughters know Mom and Dad do "weird stuff", and ignore us, except for a few sarcastic comments: "Do I need to put extra pillows on Mom's chair?"

Sigh. Parents really shouldn't have hobbies.

[jaeangel]

My mother would have a heart attack! My mother in law thinks its filthy stuff (she watches Jerry Springer obsessively, so that's all she really knows about The Life; not a good basis for deciding about anything) My father in law is oblivious. My father...well, he doesn't even know where I am, and i will probably never speak to him again because he's...ah, hell, it's a long story. Suffice it to say he's on his second marriage while still being married to my Mom. My sister knows...and she is one of those holy rollers whos constantly trying to get me to give up my 'immoral ways' (BDSM and Wicca) and allow myself to be 'saved'...you get the idea. My hubby knows, and while he might not completely understand, he's willing to allow me my little quirks. Especially when my perusal of these forums leads to better blowjob techniques!

[masterkurt]

My mother had been always very frank and open whenever we talked about sex (inspite of her strong religeous education which she tired to pass over to us) and had thus great confidence with her children (2 sons and 2 daughters).
She caught me and my sister enjoying SM plays once (we were 13 and 15).... we came away with a short but hard reprimend.
Some years later she discovered me (24 y.o.) and my then girlfriend (20 y.o.) having contacts with other swinging couples.... other severe reprimend . Now that I am 50 y.o. and my mother is 76 y.o. and we still have a lot of confidence; in order for her to understand certain relational problems in my sentimental life, I had to tell her that I definitely like trasgressive sex, including SM.
She does not share my tastes and my passions, but she accepts them, as far as these belongs to safe and consensual sexual activity..... though we never discuss details.
My sister knows much more, but she had been my first slave many many years ago.
My brother confessed to me some years ago that he is in SM too (as a master) .... he has/had a relation with an american submissive woman (of course they don't meet very often).
Only the youngest sister, who is very religeous and seems very straight, is officially unaware of all this (but I think she has some glimps about me and my tastes).

Generally it is proven that the family (children and parents in a first place) is the place were you seem to find the least understanding for your sexuality. I am happy to say that was not my case.

I must add that my parents were extremely cultivated persons, with a very strong liberal spirit (inspite of being very religeous), we children are agnostic to 75% (3 out of four), but inherited the same unbreakable liberality.

We like to say that we are Liberals, Libertary, Liberistic and a little Libertine

I try to be open and sincere with my own children (daughter 22 and son 17).
I shall not confide private things to them, but I am very honest and sincere when they want to discuss any subject with me ... as a consequence they have a fairly good picture of my quite open sexuality and some suspicion about my taste for BDSM .....

[midnightsky]

I think if i told my parents I was into bondage I would lose any moeny I get from them for college...car...etc. AND I would get kicked out of the house. Which is also what would happen if I told them I was bisexual, have been involved with girls, or any other number of things. They are very, very conservative. They know I am very liberal and am a feminist (which they discourage as often as possible- they say they beleive in equality, but they like to entrench gender and oreintation myths)- but that is all they will know.

My brother, I wouldnt tell since he's a minor and I'm pretty careful not to mention stuff that wouldnt be apropriate around him since I dont want to be the one to corrupt him...plus, hes quickly becoming more conservative than my parents...

[Mobius]

I think if i told my parents I was into bondage I would lose any moeny I get from them for college...car...etc. AND I would get kicked out of the house. Which is also what would happen if I told them I was bisexual, have been involved with girls, or any other number of things. They are very, very conservative. They know I am very liberal and am a feminist (which they discourage as often as possible- they say they beleive in equality, but they like to entrench gender and oreintation myths)- but that is all they will know.

My brother, I wouldn't tell since he's a minor and I'm pretty careful not to mention stuff that wouldnt be apropriate around him since I dont want to be the one to corrupt him...plus, hes quickly becoming more conservative than my parents...

While I am not saying that you should out your self. You may be surprised at what your parents know or have tried them self's. It is often the most Conservative that are the kinkiest. That's why it is so much fun when one of them get caught with there pants down so it were.

[allalone46]

No my Mother doesn't know. My famaly is old school in there thinking. Thay believe what thay see on TV and in the Movies, on what is depicted as BDSM, and this lifestyle. That and when some sick freeks whent and started a sex traid and kidnapping ring from Cleavlant to Chicago, and Detroit, and when that were arrested thay said thay were in the D/s lifestyle it didn't help eather. You shood here her on gays, even though we have three gay cousins.

[midnightsky]

Mobius- Im not saying that I dont think that my parents aren't kinky- I just prefer the dont ask, dont tell. I know that they wouldn't accept my preferenes based on the comments they make about my cousin, who is gay, which follow along the lines of how if they were her parents they wouldnt have let her back into the house, payed for anythign for her, etc etc. she wasnt able to show up to thanksgiving on my mom's side of the family because of how she was treated by that side of the family.

fun stuff.

[Chuckdom19]

We like to say that we are Liberals, Libertary, Liberistic and a little Libertine

I try to be open and sincere with my own children (daughter 22 and son 17).
I shall not confide private things to them, but I am very honest and sincere when they want to discuss any subject with me ... as a consequence they have a fairly good picture of my quite open sexuality and some suspicion about my taste for BDSM .....

Our kids have known since the youngest was 7, and all 3 understand now that the youngest is 22. They all shout TMI when we talk about it, but do not complain or condemn us. Being raised in an open home, they are all "Liberals, Libertary, Liberistic and a little Libertine". They all got a box of 20 condoms at their 13th birthday party, asked us about techniques and methods when time came for their first time, and came home to tell us about it.

In some states, that might have gotten us reported to Child Welfare; in our house, it means healthy thought processes. Our youngest is head of the Women's Rights group at her college, works with "Straights for Gays", and is, I think, a domme in the making.

Gotta start them out young to not be judgemental.

[PopeRozen]

This one time [not at band camp] after I was pretty sure my parents had seen my ropes, flogger, and copy of Sex Tips From a Dominatrix laying out (I was visiting home and also got searched in the departure airport, everyone got a look at all my gear). I tried telling my mom that it was not an abusive thing, and that it was something we were trying very carefully, but she just cut me off and said, "Anything you do is YOUR business, I don't wanna know."

Good enough for me.

[chattel69]

I live with my brother and he found out but I don't think my parents know. I don't discuss my personal life with my family so it wouldn't ever come up in discussions at family get togethers.