Personal Ads

[Mr_Clock]

I've noticed looking at the personal ads here that when a female Sub posts an ad that the majority of the responses from Doms say, "PM me". Which got me thinking. How does the poster react to being asked to make first contact? It just seems counter intuitive that a Dom would ask a Sub to make the first contact.

And I realize that everyone is different and there is no one right answer, but I'm curious if there is a consensus. So if you've used the personals and someone has done this, how did it make you feel? If you've never posted but just want to share your thoughts I'd love to hear them as well.

Also for the Doms/Dommes that read this thread. I mean no disrespect, and would love to hear from you as to why you responded that way instead of just sending a PM?

Male Subs, from what I saw you don't get the same response if any. Did you just receive a PM?

[lozzy]

I don't know. I've never really used the personals here, but I know that if I were to write a personal, someone to then reply with 'pm me' would make me most likely not to. If i had spent time thinking out a coherent 'advert' for myself, I would not then want to go and write out a whole new pm explaining it all pver again. If the potential dom was so lazy as to not be able to click on my name and write a pm in response then theyre too lazy to be with me!

/end rant

[Flaming_Redhead]

I haven't used the personals here, but I have used a BDSM dating site. The kind of message you're referring to gets deleted from my inbox with no response. I went through the trouble to fill out a profile in great detail. Most of the "doms" sending those messages have NOTHING on theirs, and they can't even be bothered to write themselves a decent introduction letter? PUH-LEEZE! I'm not adding them to my Yahoo! or any other ridiculous thing they suggest I should do. I don't want to waste my time talking to someone I know absolutely nothing about whilst I have a full page of information for their viewing pleasure. Also, until we have actually met in person and decided to try a relationship, I don't have to jump through any hoops. I don't have to prove a damn thing.

I don't contact doms because I'm kinda old fashioned. I like the man to make the first move. It puts him in control. I just wish the ones who actually made it to a phone call and tried to set up a date had a freakin' clue! I don't care where we meet for lunch, coffee, or dinner as long as it's in a public place. If you're going to ask for a date, have a plan already in mind. I hate having the ball constantly thrown back in my court.

[girly]

i'd rather get a PM in response to an ad, than an unsolicited PM offering to "train" me!
A forum post, in response to an ad, would get less of my attention than a PM. So PMs are better in that situation, and give the Dom an opportunity to say more about themselves than they might in the forum post.

but hey - why not both! PM me, then reply to the ad saying "left you a PM" - kind of like the wolf peeing on the gate post, marking his territory.

[Mr_Clock]

Thanks for the responses. I guess I am a bit old fashioned as well expecting the guy to take the lead.

"Marking a territory", did cross my mind but I was hoping someone else would come to that conclusion, or to say that a prospective Dome did both a PM and a post in the thread.

[BelovedPet]

It's not just for romantic ads either. I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for people in my area that enjoy crafting and someone emailed me a smiling emoticon. I didn't know what to make of their response. I mean, was that approval or wistfulness or what? I also got a reply asking me if I was bisexual because we all know how essential that is to knitting and sewing!

Any short, unthoughtful reply to any ad is not polite or respectful in my opinion. I wouldn't answer any responses like that.

b

[Demon Dom]

It is a regretful fact of our time that polite manners and basic etiquette are constantly disregarded, partly out of derision and partly from lack of knowledge.

Years before I met my beloved, I answered one add that was interesting enough to warrant it. Apart from personal data, I am attaching it unaltered:

In reply to Your well thought out and refreshingly unique and interesting add:

Let’s see. *full name*, the abridged version: I am 29 years old and a company director at the global management consulting firm.

I was born in Quebec, but have lived most of my life abroad (China, UK and now Germany). My mother still lives in Canada and is a professor of music like you (piano). I excelled in the natural sciences and math, though I play the piano well, Classical mostly, and Sinatra, Bennett – old school.

I played Hockey through high school and college… sports scholarship undergrad...then fellowship for masters. I’ve always been driven to succeed. I started with the *** almost five years ago and became director of German branch two years later. I enjoy my work.

Financially, I am sound. I like nice things, but I don’t think I over spend or over indulge. But, I’m not an ‘only what you need, not what you want’ kind of guy, though. I budget, but my investments have made me financially stable. I have a couple charities that I support, but I guess I am careful.

I am proficient in seven languages. That got me a lot of dates when I was younger. I enjoy wilderness vacations and photo-hunts, but I also like the seashore and historic, architectural towns. I golf…it’s relaxing, a perfect exercise in the law of physics. I like antiques. I like tools, you’ll see those if we get to that point. And, I like to cook…relaxing…scientific formulas. I work out and hold menkyo (mastered) level in Kenjutsu. And Hockey is a religion, not a sport.

I like to learn, to experience, to accomplish. My slave/girlfriend must be the same, whether she chooses to work outside the house or not. I could not accept a lay-around do-nothing partner. Not that there is a need for the income, just the need that my partner be productive with her life. You can be a professional student if you want…just study, learn and earn good grades.

I am alpha, dominant. I make decisions, but I also listen. I want a partner, not just a yes-girl. I want a true D/s relationship though. I will demand loyalty and obedience, honesty...no secrets. I will demand that the decision I make is final, but you will always have input and there will be adequate discussion. I will punish your misbehavior, and spank you for fun. You will know the difference. I will take care of you.

I have no burning opinion regarding children. I enjoy children, well, those of my friends. I believe I would be a good and loving father. If my partner doesn’t want children, I am OK with that too. I don’t need to father a child to feel whole. If the decision is to just let nature make the decision; that is OK too, up to a point. I won’t just procreate without reserve. But, I will not use a condom and I am not planning a vasectomy.

That’s about it; my life and soul in fifteen minutes or less.

Respectfully,
xxx

Quite bad and arrogant, sin of my youth, I am afraid. However the young lady in question did reply back and we spent pleasurable couple of years together. It ended when I had to move and she wisely decided against coming with me, we have remained friends.

[Mr_Clock]

BelovedPet, didn't you know that was code for hooking up? You're post gave me quite the chuckle.

DemonDom, thanks for the response as well. It may have been arrogant, but it was definitely well thought out ,and gives the recipent a good idea of what to expect. It's the kind of response I would hope/expect to see.