Bondage, Pain and Humiliation

[MissConfused]

I have been reading several informative and delightful discussions.
My confusion has increased because of what I am reading.

Does bondage always include pain and humiliation?
Does pain always include bondage?
Does humiliation always include bondage?

Do all three always go together?

[Ozme52]

The answer to all four of those questions is No.

[Ragoczy]

It's only about what you and your partner agree to engage in.

My kitten and I include bondage and pain, together and not, but no humiliation at all.

[Ozme52]

Question by question...

Bondage is about tying or being tied up. Secured. Some bondages are uncomfortable, some may be painful. Most though are secure and comforting to the person tied up. I do a body tie that girls just love the feel of on their bodies. Some have even remarked on the incredible feeling as they realize they are "fucking the rope".

Pain can come from many sources... but my perception is that whatever the source, the reward for the victim is the endorphin rush that accompanies that pain. Think of it as the reason why marathon runners love running. It's called the runner's high and it comes from the pain of running long distances... and they miss it when they don't run.

I can humiliate you without tying you up... make you strip in public, call you vile names, and never a rope to be seen.

So to the fourth question, it now answers itself.

[leo9]

Pain can come from many sources... but my perception is that whatever the source, the reward for the victim is the endorphin rush that accompanies that pain. Think of it as the reason why marathon runners love running. It's called the runner's high and it comes from the pain of running long distances... and they miss it when they don't run.

That's the reward for some. For others, such as my own pet, it's a purely emotional feeling of release and discharge, of catharsis, that leaves them cleared and relaxed. For me, when I sub, it's the fact of my submission being literally hammered home: when I'm following orders I might be doing it to please myself, but when I'm being beaten I know to my bones that I am owned and controlled. And then for some the pain itself is nothing but a horrible ordeal, but they endure it joyfully because it pleases their Owner.

As usual, one size doesn't fit all.

[Ozme52]

That's the reward for some. For others, such as my own pet, it's a purely emotional feeling of release and discharge, of catharsis, that leaves them cleared and relaxed. For me, when I sub, it's the fact of my submission being literally hammered home: when I'm following orders I might be doing it to please myself, but when I'm being beaten I know to my bones that I am owned and controlled. And then for some the pain itself is nothing but a horrible ordeal, but they endure it joyfully because it pleases their Owner.

As usual, one size doesn't fit all.

'Tis true.

[kinkykyle28]

hi my name is kyle. no bondage humiliation and pain don't always have to go together. They can go together but it all depends on what the Master or Mistress and slave or sub are into. There are many different ways to humiliate or cause pain without bondage. I guess it really boils down to if you feel that you need to have bondage to feel pain or be humiliated. If not then tell the person you are interested in that you don't want bondage all the time

[leo9]

No on all counts. People mix and match them to suit their personal tastes.

Bondage can be just that. But most of us, when we see someone tied up and helpless, can't resist doing naughty things to them :-)

Pain needn't include bondage. Some people find it a much more potent expression of power exchange to order someone to hold still for torture without any bonds but the Owner's word.

Humiliation certainly needn't include bondage; it's usually far more effective to make a sub humiliate hirself by following orders.

Everyone has their own favourite mix.

[slave4ever96]

I as a sub have never had the three together. I know for a fact my Master doesn't need to tie me up to cause me pain or humiliation. For example the first time he ever fisted my pussy he did not have me tied up in anyway and expected me to lay there calmly as he inserted his fist. And I can tell you it was hard to lay there for the pain was great and i was near tears by the time it was over. Humiliation is a tool that goes on its one and does not need anything to acompany it in the least. Though being humiliated while tied up and induring pain does work a Master/Mistress who knows what he or she is doing doesn't need to combine things to make them work.

[Euryleia]

Nope, they don't. You just take what you enjoy from the BDSM lexicon.

I'm not into pain (giving or receiving) but I've been with people who do like, so I've learned. However, I don't seek it out.

The rest I enjoy together and seperately. Yum!

[fellintobed]

Does bondage always include pain and humiliation?
No. Some people enjoy bondage simply for the pleasure of tying up a willing participant. Japanese rope bondage can be very visually appealing, isn't painful for the person being bound, and if done privately or in the company of trusting, respectful companions, would not be humiliating. Some people get pleasure simply from the feeling of restraint and helplessness that being bound creates. And of course "bondage" isn't limited to ropes. Silk scarves have long been employed as a gentle form of bondage, and can help create a loving, caring atmosphere.

Does pain always include bondage?
No. Some scenes rely on pain-without-bondage: think of a 'teacher' bending his 'student' over his lap for a spanking, or a slave ordered to hold out her breasts so that nipple clamps can be applied. Pain brings a strong endorphin rush and can be quite exhilarating. The mere act of remaining still while receiving pain is a very submissive way of behavior and can be quite admirable.

Does humiliation always include bondage?
No. Humiliation takes many forms, the common theme of which is degradation. Licking someone's shoes clean? Degrading and humiliating. Being spit upon? Embarrassing and humiliating. Being called a filthy, worthless slut in front of a group of people ogling your naked body? Definitely humiliating - and no bondage required.

Do all three always go together?
Sometimes, but certainly not always. There are as many ways of incorporating bondage, pain, and/or humiliation into one's sexual activities as there are people in the BDSM community. Think of them as overlapping Venn diagrams - bondage only, pain only, bondage and humiliation without pain, humiliation and pain without bondage... so many possibilities, and not enough nights in a lifetime to explore them all.

[MotoMike]

Hi.
My opinion is that the three things are separate ... that all three can be arousing but that bondage is the one that (I think) this site is about because it's more psychological. and at the same time the control thing (or loss of control thing) makes you very aware of both the sexual and non-sexual parts of your responses.
Not into pain but a lot of people here seem to be; same with humiliation. but there are lots of combinations here.

... my 2 cents.

[Oak]

You can get the short version.
No and Yes.
Well you'll probably prefer the longer version?

No it's not necessary to mix pain and bondage. Some are only into bondage and not especially into pain. You can of course feel the ropes. But it recesally cannot be considered as real pain. As I'm a bondage lover, I really love to tie girls up, I always use time to make sure that ropes are placed perfect and looks really good. Else it's the knowledge that the girl is totally helpless and in my power.

No pain don't need to be a part of bondage either. It's not exactly necessary to be tied up, to get a spanking, or caning or some nipple fun.

Humiliation! What humilitatin is it with being tied up, except if it's done in public?

But yes it's possible to mix all 3. To receive a whipping, it surely is a good idea to be tied up.
Humiliatin goes with all too. As it's quite humiliating to get a over the knee spanking, as if you are a little girl, until you cry and babble.

[fetishdj]

In fact... from a health and safety PoV pain and bondage is not a good idea to mix them. To explain more about what I mean here, if you are looking for long term bondage then you want the sub to be comfortable and not in pain as a result of the bondage because pain usually means something wrong - circulation is cut off, you are damaging skin, the sub can't breath and so on. So, if the bondage is causing pain then the Top should consider stopping and changing how the sub is tied.

This is seperate from tying someone up and then whipping them/clamping them/pouring hot wax on them or whatever. The important issue is: Do you have full control over how much pain there is and how long it lasts? If not, then stop and rethink.

So I would say: Yes you can tie someone up in a painful way but I would not reccomend it and certainly not for a long period and it does not have to be painful if you or the sub do not want it to be. There are many methods (some already mentioned) of comfortable bondage. Proper wrist and ankle cuffs, support systems for suspension and so on. When I had a turn on a spinning bondage wheel for a photoshoot once, I was not only strapped by my wrists and ankles but also with a fairly secure harness around the body and most of the weight went on the body harness with very little on the wrists and ankles. If that had not been there the bondage would have been very uncomfortable and almost certainly dangerous when Mistress turned the wheel round. As it was, the only discomfort was the blood rushing to my head when turned upside down and Mistress could control that by determining how long she kept me like that.

[icey]

it depends upon the type of pain, there are many ways to be in pain during bondage without it being because circulation is poor, its been to long a period etc...what about the ebi tie for eg? that is intended to be painful and if done correctly it is.
as for health and safety, there is NO safe or healthy way of doing bondage no matter how careful you are, take every precaution possible but never assume it is safe!
bondage is one of the most dangerous bdsm activities there is...after breathplay and strangulation!

Does bondage always include pain and humiliation?

bondage is INTENDED to cause pain and humiliation that was the primary reason of its invention, for the restraint and torture of prisoners.
although western bondage and even some japanese bondage to a degree has been adapted to minimalise this, when people talk about pain in bondage generally they are not talking about additional pain ie floggings,clamps etc but pain as in aching from being in unnatural positions,stretched, unable to move for varying lengths of time amongst other things.

Does pain always include bondage??

no although it depends which way you choose to look at it, you could reasonably argue that you are in mental/emotional bondage which people often talk of even if you are not restrained physically...when you're being flogged until you can barely take anymore or it becomes so intense you cry and want to run...do you run or stay? (all by choice of course)

Does humiliation always include bondage??

no, but bondage always includes humiliation or is humiliating to a degree, even if it doesnt feel humiliating as such.

Do all three always go together?

in a way yes it does but again it's a mental thing, it depends how much you want to delve into it.
we roleplay and therefore we do not experience real ''pain'' real ''bondage'' or real ''humiliation'' we experience what we enjoy,can tolerate and none of it (and everyone is going to really love me now lol) is ''genuine'' we take what we want and discard the rest...therefore we can answer these questions with a definite no but in reality if it was ''real'' the answer couldnt be anything but yes!

but thats if you wanted to delve really deep

[Wyked Bytch]

the answer to all those questions you posted is NO.. you CAN have pain with out bondage, you CAN have bondage with out pain, you CAN have humilation with out pain or bondage. BDSM is a broad heading in which so many activities fall under, not all are for everyone. Before meeting (or playing online if that is your prefence) discuss with the other party what they are seeking, what gets them excited, and be just as honest in saying what does it for you. A good Dominant will take your interests and needs into account and combine them with his/hers to find a play style that fits the both of you. I do alot of humilation play, and most of it never even comes close to painful. Humilation can be as simple as making some one say hello to a stranger, or as complicated as making a sub put an add on craigslist begging to be a cock sucker for an unknown ( yes I did that to one of my male subs) Finding the perfect conterpart for your needs is soething I believe we are all seeking. Good Luck Wyked