vanilla relationship, but i NEED more!

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Originally Posted by oww-that-hurt

Have you checked into there being any BDSM groups in your area that have luncheons and such? That may be a place for some face-to-face conversations.

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We have looked but most clubs are 21+ and he is only 20....i would LOVE to go, but i am afraid i could not go without him. There is one group that meets that he can go to but it is schedule conflicting. We are both busy college students

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Originally Posted by Utburd

my 2p from my experience...

GUILT:
New Doms often feel very very guilty about the way they wish to treat women, afterall theyve often be fed the essentials of good manners, being polite company and the how to of disney relationships.... no one tells you that sometimes a female subby wants you to tell her to get on all fours and bare her intimates while you ruler her ass and that theres a time and place where that is ok! so you may be battling guilt and considerate male manners.

Confidence feeds Confidence...
Also you have to let him Dom, confidence inspires confidence, but getting that started requires him to be able to trust you to do what he says, if you try to misinterpret, sidestep, resist, successfully free yourself, etc., youre undermining him and sending him mixed messages... and he'll be thinking: she told me she wants commands so Im giving and shes avoiding them... does she not really want them? is she just doing this for me? back to guilt and manners.

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Wow... i have been stabbed in the heart by this post. i just posted about 30 min ago a question about me feeling bad that i want more from Master... that He seems too nice and not wanting to hurt me and not trusting me when i say "it's OK!" and trying to pull it out of him by riling him up with taunts from time to time. :icon277: i really feel bad now, because in the end He is an absolutely amazing Master and i couldn't find anyone better for me. (i just wish his "kindness" were a little more "harsh" if that makes sense...) :(

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Originally Posted by StillLearning

I'm in a very similar situation with my fiance. His main balk is that he doesn't want to become an abuser (his own childhood speaking), but is willing to learn more and possibly explore. I'm really hoping to find information to open him up to the culture.

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That is what I am often afraid of, I don't want to let my dominance turn into aggression which could turns into abuse. I am a compassionate person and very loving, I love my sub very deeply.

I agree with you Nox.

Toy, it seems this kind of question comes up often on the forums. It is great to see someone really taking the steps to communicate with their partner. There is a lot of good advice on here. I hope you keep us updated and it continues to go well.

regards.