Interested in having my wife be more dominate. She has tried some, but has some stuggles getting into it. Would love any sugguestions
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Interested in having my wife be more dominate. She has tried some, but has some stuggles getting into it. Would love any sugguestions
Well Two.. First.. Tell her.. Sit down and have a serious discussion about what all she can do to/for you.
Second, Have her take a look around on here.. And if she is agreeable, have her join the Academy..
Either Way.:whip: . I wish you the best o luck
Hi poboy789,
Lots of questions for you. You don't have to answer them here unless you feel like sharing. The purpose is to help you define what you are seeking.
Why do you want her to be more dominant?
How do you want her to be more dominant?
Where?
When?
What types of things turn you on?
Are you asking her to fulfill your playtime fantasies every now and then or to take charge of your life?
Are you a believer in the philosophy that women are superior and should dominate men 24/7?
Do you want her to dominate you to the point that she prevents you from having sex and yet she has sex with other men?
Do you want to be her pet? servant? submissive? slave?
Again - part time or full time.
How will this change your current lifestyle?
Your answers will help determine your next steps, what books and suggested reading material you can purchase, the types of role play you want to practice, etc, etc.
The more you can define what you want, the easier it is to ask for it and determine if it will work for the two of you.
Small steps are what's needed, not leaping and forcing her into acting out that may go against the way she was raised or what she prefers. And remember, the two of you are partners in life and marriage. If its doesn't work, if it isn't fun for the both of you, then laugh about it, discuss it, make changes and try again.
To your success,
Ruby
Ruby:
I sincerely appreciate your time and your thoughts. In response to your questions:
1. Why do I want her to be more dominant? That is a hard one to put into words. For as long as I can remember, I’ve fantasized about being dominated. It is a constant need/yearning that is always there and something I would love to share with her. But, it’s like a feeling or emotion. I’m not sure why it is there, only that it is. Does that make any sense?
2. How do I want her to be more dominant? Well, as a guy, I tend to focus on one part of my anatomy more than other things. So to that end, my first response would be that I would love for her to be more dominant in the bedroom. She also has a very strong personality, which is one of the things that attracted me to her. Over the years, she has become more comfortable with that personality. I would like her to be more dominant/assertive in her relationship with me regarding her wants and needs both in and out of the bedroom.
3. Where? I guess, to a certain extent, privately. We have children and positions in the community as well as friends and family that dictate that we keep such personal activities private. That does not mean that thing cannot happen out in public.
4. When? Most of the time. That being said, I’m not saying that I’m looking to be dominated every hour of every day. However, it should be remembered that at all times she is the dominant person in our relationship and I am there to support her and make her happy.
5. What types of things turn me on? I like being teased and tormented – being aroused. I like being embarrassed some. I love it when she takes charge and talks dirty to me. I also like some pain/punishment – including spanking, nipples, etc. Toys are fun and we have a few. I like being used, and to some extent abused, for her pleasure and amusement. Being required to do things I would not normally do and not knowing what will happen next.
6. Am I asking her to fulfill my playtime fantasies every now and then or to take charge of your life? Somewhere in between. Given our current lifestyle, it’s not really practical for her to take charge of my life, and I don’t really want her to. I’m not sure she would want that, that is a lot of responsibility. But I’m not looking for a now and again type of deal. But, as I see it, that is really up to her.
7. Am I a believer in the philosophy that women are superior and should dominate men 24/7? Yes, I certainly believe that women are the superior of the sexes.
8. Do I want her to dominate me to the point that she prevents me from having sex and yet she has sex with other men? No. I really like sex. If I have one hobby or interest above all others it is sex – that is just me. I am also not all that interested in her having sex with others, just as she is not interested in that of me. Maybe as a couple, it would be ok, but we have approached life as a partnership (although I’m looking for her to be the more dominant partner) and sex has always kept sex between us.
9. Do I want to be her pet? Servant? Submissive? Slave? Again - part time or full time? Yes, I want to be her pet servant, submissive and slave. However, due to our lifestyle and positions, this would have to be more private and part-time.
10. How will this change your current lifestyle? Outside of our private life, we really can’t make any big changes to our lifestyle. As explained above, we have children, positions, friends and family that would not be conducive to a public d/s lifestyle.
Thanks again for your time and your thoughts, they are greatly appreciated.
Poboy
Hi Poboy,
You've really put a lot of thought into what you want. What you describe is certainly attainable if your wife enjoys the role your asking her to take.
You both may want to check out Mistress Akasha's web site. While there are a number of member only articles, there is a great preview of "The Good Girl’s Guide to Domination" locate here:
http://www.akashaweb.com/women/goodgirlpreview.html
Print and review it together. Is this something that you both are seeking?
To your success!
Ruby
Ruby:
Cool, thanks.
Poboy
Poboy,
I hope this helps as well!
Try this link, It's an step process to help Submissive men introduce their girlfriends/wives into this wonderful lifestyle. I've tried and tried lol I've no problem meeting women for Relationships , it's just I always meet Vanilla women who are not interested in BDSM(Story of my life)
Anyway, here's the link!
www.elisesutton.com
Good luck!
Hey Ruby, that's a good site. Must pass it to the other half. Although she is happy to play around a bit, cater for some of my whims, and enjoys going to BDSM parties, she still struggles a little within herself. I think the more ideas that come from other people, the more comfortable she feels about it, and the more open she is to experiment. Its all a matter of allowing her to discover she can really have a bit of fun here. The most important thing is, there has to be something in it for everyone. But just remember boys and girls, when you're all chained up, you better have made up after that last argument. ;haQuote:
Originally Posted by Ruby
How true! Real anger has no place in playtime.Quote:
Originally Posted by scabrat
One of the secrets to a successful long term relationship, stay awake and don't go to bed until the argument is over and both parties are forgiven.
As a sub male wanting his wife to dominate a little more I read through most forums looking for help. I would always aggree that being open and honest is the best way to go, from discussions I had with my wife she felt it very difficult to try and treat me as her slave when to her that is something that a loving couple should not do. Treat others as you would have them treat you type of thing.
It became clear to me that I had to show her two things;
1. She would get benefits to our new found roles
2. When playing I would not be hurt emotionally or hold any grudges for actions taken in that time
The benefits are quite easy to list though it is necessary to keep things as vanilla as possible to start off with. A sensual massage after a hectic day, make sure laundry and household chores are done etc... Make sure that your wife sees that you get some enjoyment out this by saying things like "its nice that since you have "X" done she can relax with a glass of wine".
I found that by offering/asking to paint my wifes toe nails it helped for her to be more comfortable with me at her feet and then sneaking a quick kiss of her toes when they were done again helped with her being comfortable with the idea of simple foot worship.
The hardest part I found was trying to encourage my wife with being more dominant, lets face it how many wives will turn down a massage compared to insulting their loving husbad? With kids around it is very difficult and so alot of thought should go into this but a trick I found was to be descrete and not instantly try and play as Dominatrix and slave.
The greatest difficulty my wife had was feeling comfortable as Domme and knowing what to do to make sure I enjoyed the experience, strangely after several attempts at play her impetous was still on making everything good for me and so always felt awkward in her new role. To combat this we played a few simple games whilst having a drink, yes I know don't mix drink with play but this was not play, purely talking with a drink with a hint of topic discussion towards play.
I created lots of little tickets with humiliating words on, slave... pencil dick... slut... foot slut..., anything I could think of really that I would like to be called or have said during a play time. I then also created tickets with words or phrases that as a loving couple we would often say to each other, love you... etc. All these tickets I put in a bowl which I handed her when we having a drink. The rules were very simple based on a whose line is it anyway game, at random points during our conversation I would point at the bowl. At which point she would then use the word or phrase on the ticket in a setence, something simple at first "you are my slave" and as her confidence grew and with my encouragement and enjoyment, "Kiss my feet foot slut!".
During these conversations I would try to wear less clothing than her, bought myself some mesh pajama pants and the like to get her used to seeing me dressed differently and more exposed. Again with kids this isn't so easy but you get the idea.
Eventually I added to this game was the use of a waterbased marker which she would write something on me with. My wife told me after she first used it that she felt great writing Mistresses Slut on my chest and looking at it for the rest of the night.
These 2 simple little games helped my wife become much more comfortable with the idea of dominating me and now will text message me some of the choice words during the course of my day.
Always try your best do go at your wifes pace, I was always told by my wife that we needed to use baby steps and that eventually we would get there, I just found a way to encourage those steps and tried very hard indeed not to push too much.
Good luck and I hope this helps.
^^^
Nice post. Made for interesting reading. Good luck carrying that on in the future.
This has been really useful. My predominant nature is sub, but I know my partner is interested in being submissive sometimes, and I don't really know where to start - although I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy it if I could just let go. The Good Girl's Guide is really helpful. Thanks, Ruby.
Well expain it to her,practice with her and if all fail's try and get her so pissed off so you can enjoy it..!
Go buy (or rent) the DVD Secretary. It's a mainstream movie, so you could introduce the lifestyle to her through this. I doubt she'll have any problem if you say you want to watch a romantic movie with her starring James Spader.
Hey, can I say something on the pessimistic side? I'm currently in a long term relationship. I like dominant women. She is not one. Our solution? Have worse sex, less often. I don't believe your wife will ever be a great domme because she wasn't born one. I don't care what people say, the best sex is sex that brings out the animal in you- the innate urges. If she isn't innately a domme, her attempts to be so will never be of the highest possible caliber. They'll be bland, and you will detect her boredom. There are plenty of girls that pick up a whip one night and have some fun, but there really aren't that many by comparison who live by the whip, and while she MIGHT enjoy the novelty of her dominance at first, I have confidence that if she wasn't born into loving authority, she will tire of it.
It's hard for me to say all this, because i know the misery of unfulfilled urges first hand. I would love nothing more than to be proven wrong and for you to say how great a time you and your wife are having.
Man I sure do understand. Thats why I said earlier, Find someone more suited to your tastes.Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicbuttler