“Punishment: A Must or Not?”
“Punishment: A Must or Not?”
By: TrinityHawk© ~2000~
I was reading a discussion that I had printed out some time ago on discipline with in a D/s or BDSM relationship and remembering a question that was put to me on if punishment was truly a must in D/s or BDSM relationships. So, I figured why not put ink to paper and explain my thoughts on this subject.
Some Dominates I spoke to feel punishment was a subset to discipline and others feel punishment and discipline are the same thing. So, to start of with I suppose we should cover the definition of punishment, because meanings differ as much as actions themselves.
The dictionary defines punishment as what we subject others to for a simple fault, and discipline as instruction, moral direction, and influence. By the dictionary definition we can see punishment is not the same thing as discipline. However, the definition I found to be most accepted is discipline is used to teach a desired behavior and punishment is a tool to be used in response to an undesired behavior.
Now to the question at hand: punishment is it a must or not? First of all I must state in my humble opinon Dominates and submissives should discuss the different types of punishments which will be used and for what or even if punishments will be used at all. This discussion should be done in advance even before the collar is placed around the submissive’s neck.
The above is my opinon because, it is my belief from many years as a submissive and then being trained to become a Dom the true discipline comes from within the submissive. I mean the submissive lives to please their Dom/me so the truest form of punishment is the knowledge that they have displeased said Dom/me.
Another argument against using punishment is, if the rules and what is expected of the submissive has been thoroughly discussed to the fullest of understanding, and the submissive violates the rules anyway then what good is punishment? Obviously the submissive is not sincere about wishing to please their Dom/me or desires the punishment. The later then turns the said punishment into a treat not a punishment. In other words the decision to learn and to please is a decision that is clearly one the submissive must make.
So, in my opinon, remember this is MY opinon. Is punishment a must? No punishment isn’t a must in a D/s or BDSM relationship, but they can be useful tools. For Example: I am to give up Dr. Pepper for health reasons and to me D.P. is like drugs and very hard to give up. My Mistress knows I love spankings and long deep kisses, so she has told me that if a D.P. passes my lips by the time we are together again, she will not spank me or give me even one long deep kiss. Let me tell you, I am avoiding D. Ps like they are the plauge!
For those of you who do use punishment or find yourself experimenting with different punishments, I leave you with this last bit of advice. The nature of a punishment needs to always fit the desire of the Dominate, the character of the submissive, and the infraction itself. In other words the punishment should fit the crime, for if a punishment is overly harsh it may and can rock the vary foundation of a D/s or BDSM relationship which is trust.
