crimson in a nutshell

one's D/s path has been long, complicated and painful... currently in the transition of going vanilla completely... one will still write and discuss BDSM and D/s.... but that's it. This explains a lot...

Drowning Slave Retired

Have you ever gasped for breath,
Bitterly exhausted and unable to rest,
Your limbs, feeling detached, apart,
Feeling a beat like it’s not your heart?

Have you gulped the lump back down,
The choke of loving lost never again found.
Looking intently out at the world,
The eyes open, eyelashes curled.

But the soul sees nothing but empty air,
Slipping back under, into misery’s lair.
It’s invading the lungs, ignoring the cry,
It’ll seize the heart, a battle to die.

The sun disappears and the light goes out,
The body limp after its final bout.
Love has come and gone, leaving but weary,
Darkened rose petals and thorns so scary.

The beast dragged me down into the depths of hell,
A slow, constant pressure, too painful to tell.
You can see happiness on the distant shore,
But your boat will never reach it, with nary an oar.

The winds are unkind and push you away,
Always keeping you just in sight of the former day.
Days of happiness, days of granted, second chance,
The battle of love, the devil’s dance.

But now you further slip beneath,
Death swallowing the door of the wreath.
One falls... falling, falling... arms a breeze
Your eyes can still see, the love’s cruel tease.

Mercifully, your soul darkens and your eyes close,
Simmering love’s fire with misery’s hose.
Did I die? No, the body is very much alive,
Body of bees, heart of a hive.

The honey always taken away into madness,
Filling the hive with wax of sadness.
Soon the bees will tire of their work.
The cruelty of misery is never a perk.

The heart blackens, against all that requires faith.
The roses have no scent, chocolate no taste.
The world becomes cold, becoming of my soul.
Hope withers away and becomes old.

One final, desperate plea for a life is heard,
One full throttle upward thrust is spurred.
I am plunged from the icy waters of the underworld,
Away from the ocean of misery I am hurled.

This new world I have fallen upon now,
Looks somewhat familiar, but not sure how.
Ah, this is the world i had played a part in once,
An actor in a role, but strangely not a bunce.

The scenery is the same, but i do not feel,
The same person i was, at One’s heels.
Could this be... the second chance I dared to take?
Or was this a dream, am i awake?

The coldness has been replaced by something more frightful.
A nothingness definitely not rightful.
Where was the fire, the passion, the need?
Where was the urge to obey, beg and plead?

Had i reached the promise land only to discover,
It was the land of nothing, from which i must recover.
The lessons i should have learned, many years ago,
The lessons perhaps I was ashamed, afraid to know.

Now is my chance, to wander the land,
Without any feeling, a numbness of the hand.
The heart will beat out of necessity and spite,
The brain will continue as it’s the body’s right.

But the soul... may forever remain hidden and dark,
A tree always surrounded by winter’s bark.
Allowing things to seemingly carry on,
The heart and brain, merely its pawn.

Forever lost, is that spark, that flame,
That burning desire for One to tame.
Replaced by existence, as required.
A hopeful, passionate slave, forever retired.

Crimson,

Your poem is beautiful. Profound. Deep. Tragic.
It touches the soul and cries for attention.

Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself,

Ruby

I have nothing to say other than what a terrible shame.

I'm jealous of some of the lines ... but believe me, none of the experience.


her_Joe

I too am moved by your writing. Your heart is on display throughout, in spite of the sadness and pain. I sense your heart is too big and strong to stay surrounded by the bark forever. You are still present and have much to offer.
Respectfully submitted.

Thank Y/you all for Y/your kind words and supporting thoughts... it is always nice to know O/others have been touched by one's experiences and writings.

:o