Double life and Dr.'s

I feel kinda whimpy asking about this, but..... I've never been afraid to look stupid. I know I do not want to let my family in on this side of me. In my job it would be completely unacceptable. I live in a small community so it would be hard to keep information quiet.

My question is for subs who are hiding this part of their life from others. How do you deal with marks, scars, damage that has been done when you visit the dr? I'm thinking especially of marks on the breast. It's this confrontation that is keeping me from getting my nipples pierced. Well that and the fact that it would freak out my husband. But he'd get over it I'm sure.

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Originally Posted by sandys girl

My question is for subs who are hiding this part of their life from others. How do you deal with marks, scars, damage that has been done when you visit the dr? I'm thinking especially of marks on the breast. It's this confrontation that is keeping me from getting my nipples pierced. Well that and the fact that it would freak out my husband. But he'd get over it I'm sure.

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I would recommend finding a kink-friendly physician. Many advertise in local alternative lifestyle publications.

I would also recommend talking to your husband about your intentions to decorate yourself. One should never assume that their partner will just get over something. Besides, communication and trust are the two biggest key ingredients to your relationship. Why damage both at the same time?

Upon re-reading my post, I realize that the comment about my husband sounded uncaring and kinda glib. I didn't mean it in a "his problem not mine" way. What I meant was that he actually cares so much about me that he would agree to anything I wanted (except to participate in this lifestyle because he can't imagine doing anything to cause me pain, even if it's what i want). If I decide that I really want to do this he will support me I'm sure. I do also realize it's a big step and i won't do it lightly. Probably wait until my daughter moves out (3 yrs), she doesn't even approve of my tattoo (a very pretty delicate anklet)

sorry no answers for you but i noticed somthing interesting you are worried about your "secret" getting out, and hiding bruises from your doctor, but not aobut how this can effect your relationship with your husband who you state clearly will not accept the life style. i do recomend long hours of thought then long conversations with your hubby about the lifestyle and your choice

Honestly from what I see,

No one can really hide from who they truly are...sooner or later people will find out, but the thing is when and how,lol. I didn't want people to know about my submissive side...all theys aw was the next door type girl and I wanted to keep it like that, but sooner or later they find out. Hope you find a way to help yourself within this situation

Sarah

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Originally Posted by sandys girl

My question is for subs who are hiding this part of their life from others. How do you deal with marks, scars, damage that has been done when you visit the dr? I'm thinking especially of marks on the breast. It's this confrontation that is keeping me from getting my nipples pierced. Well that and the fact that it would freak out my husband. But he'd get over it I'm sure.

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First off what ever your doctor sees hears or finds out in a consultation is to be held in strict confidence, even if he does not agree with it. It could destroy his career and professional reputation to even discuss it with someone else.
The only way a doctor can reveal details concerning a consultation is if he suspects you have been the victim of a crime. If you make it clear that whatever is on your body is the result of consensual activity he has no right to talk about it. even if he does not agree with it.

That being said, most doctors have seen more than you can imagine. A pierced nipple would not be a ground breaking discovery.

As far as my husband is concerned, he knows what I would like and has just flat out said he could not participate. I do not feel that my self-bondage and chatting on here is a breach of his trust, but he doesn't want to know the details.

As far as others knowing. I am a mom, a girl scout leader and i run a program for people with disabilities. I am not willing to embarrass my daughter or break the confidence my scouts and their parents have in me. And it would definately effect my job. I live in a VERY backward area in many ways and I know what would not be tolerated.

I would really caution against trying to hide marks or lie about them to your doctor. Anything you tell them about your sex life and interests is confidential and they could be in HUGE trouble for breaking that.
However, if you lie and say you fell down and they know it's not the truth they may think it's abuse. If that's the case then they have a legal obligation to report it to the police.
The few moments of embarrassment in explaining to your doctor why you have marks would be far better than the embarrassment of a visit by the police.

I have to echo what embre said. In the US, physicians are "mandatory reporters." If they suspect abuse, they're bound by law to report it. It's far better to sit down with your doc and be absolutely up front about your activities, stressing that they're completely consentual. It's NOT the easiest conversation to have, but it's a very good thing in many ways. The other side of this is, what happens if your doc doesn't know, and you avoid what may be necessary health care for fear of embarassment? I've had one friend put off a mammogram because of piercings, who finally got scanned only to find an early-stage tumor. Please don't delay caring for yourself in this way.

For the record, I'm pierced, too...Nipples, clit hood, and outer labia. I recently had to go for an MRI of my left knee. Oh my the chuckles the receptionist and I had, when I had to ask about my piercings. Nobody could come up with a satisfactory answer, so I took them all out for the exam and put them back in right away. No problem, except Master had wayyyyy to much fun resetting my hood ring. :D