SUPER New to Acting on my Submissive Curiosity..and I'm a Bit of a Brat to Boot!

New to this site, wow, SO glad I found y'all!!! Looking for books, other newbies, advice....and acceptance. I don't know how many friends I have that would "get it" if I told them "I like it when he calls me a slut".....kind of a conversation stopper...:culpability:
I'm looking for books to read, to help me feel not so weird, people who are new as well, advice on what to NOT do especially......
....just beginning to explore this with a new lover, he is as new as I am to (acting on) it and finding he quite likes being dominant....I've always had a huge curiosity about BDSM, and have had some brief experiences with men who were into humiliating me. But they really meant it, and that was awful. My new guy loves women, adores me, but can be very VERY debasing during sex, very controlling, which is a huge turn on. So far, nothing but skype/phone (long distance relationship!) in this manner, when we did spend time together in person, it was very loving, as it was our first time together.
I want to be ....OWNED by him, in bed, sometimes.I also am interested in spanking (he did that to me and for the first time I didn't have the urge to laugh at the person spanking me for being timid), flogging, ties, and anything else that would make me feel like I belong to him. But I'm scared. And I don't know how I'll react when he flogs me for the first time. Or ties me up. Thank god we are very open about it to each other and I know he would never actually hurt me, that if I find myself uncomfortable with anything he'd immediately fix it. I trust him 100%.
But I have a very bratty side to me as well, I sometimes like to push him, tease him, or disobey him so that he becomes even more controlling or I end up having to punish myself for being naughty (on his orders, over skype, he can't spank me so he makes ME do it!). I mouth off to him. Does this mean I'm NOT a sub?????????
I do not want a full master/slave lifestyle, simply to escape the control I have to have over myself all the time in life, and let him take over, follow his lead...let him calm the anxiety and doubt that seem to follow us all at times. He calms me, he centers me, and when he tells me "good girl", for doing what he "suggests", I am filled with joy, and peace, and pride.

Welcome to the site! You have found the perfect place for others to understand. I hope to see you around chat!

Hello and welcome to the Library!

Isn't it so exciting when you first begin letting this part of you out a bit? I'm happy for you that you've found someone to explore with and that you've already established trust and good communication. That's very much a key to making it all work. As for the bratty side, so long as you're both happy it doesn't really matter what anyone else might think.

You might want to check out the weekly discussion group http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/fo...Site-Offerings
I've only attended a couple of times, but they seem to be a great resource for learning. Each week's topic is announced in advance which helps make it easy to plan.

Drop by the Fun & Games area if you're looking for a low stress way to meet friendly folks.

I hope you enjoy your time here.

Thank you both for your welcomes!! I will be spending alot of time here I'm sure. I hope to get my boyfriend on here too :).....I will check out Fun and Games, Chipmunk. Thanks for the advice :)

I will admit YOU are very bratty at times =) and its one of the many reasons I love you and am so very complete when I am with you.

Like my pet Ahmandi2 I am super new to this site(and super new to the more dominating side of myself) I've always felt something missing from my sexual encounters but have never felt as complete as when I begin to let go and lose myself in this side of myself that somehow has always felt like its been there. I truly adore this woman with all my heart and soul. Even in her subjugation she is my equal in love and all things.(I always try to bear this in mind) While taking my first attentive steps with her I realize I need advise as well as direction I truly wish to make her dream a reality and truly just OWN her. (Brings a warm smile to my lips thinking about doing so.) However while yes I have dabbled in Knots( professional only) I do seek advise on erotic knots and rope use. As well as use of a flog I believe I have the control down to an alright level. (my inner thigh providing a fair litmus) But still feel somewhat at a loss I wish to use it more than just a disciplinary tool but one for arousal as well.
In the end the main thesis is this : I look to find a balance between light and dark and while not a full lifestyle when we are together to calm our hearts and communicate upon a very deep intimate level.

My Darling!!!!!!!!!! It gives me such joy to see you on this site. My heart SINGS for my moon and stars!!!!!!!!!!
Your Pet

Master....Nate....
You honor me with those beautiful words, hunny. I am so bloody lucky that YOU chose me. You are amazing, as a man, a lover, a Dom, a teacher, an owner....a bringer of nightmares and the escape from said terrors....you make me feel small. Feminine. Weak, yet you show me my strength and allow me to overcome. You protect me, allll of me. There is nothing in the world that is more of a sedative to my crazies than your voice saying "shh shh shh".....nothing. Not even from parents, past loves, NO ONE has ever said that to me and calmed my demons.
And now you bring with you demons of a different sort, demons to play with, conquer, dance with and then leave behind when their power is no more. You truly are such a blessing to me.
*offers both bare wrists, upright, to you in servitude*

Tow good books are 'Screw the Roses, Give me the thorns', and 'Bound to be Free'. The last is by Madeson and Moser, I can't offhand remember the author for the first, but it should be easy to find.

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Originally Posted by LaMarrKee

Tow good books are 'Screw the Roses, Give me the thorns', and 'Bound to be Free'. The last is by Madeson and Moser, I can't offhand remember the author for the first, but it should be easy to find.

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Sir the first book I have read...*grin* it is by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon. Also a good book I have read is SM 101 by Jay Wiseman. It is an older book but full of wonderful, great introduction into the lifestyle.