Holding back when you need to cum

So, last night was a new experience for me. For anyone who doesn't know me, (which is, I fear, almost everyone) I'm relatively new to subbing--I've always known I was a switch, but only recently has my girl realized that she's a switch too--hence, I've had some amazing experiences recently while she tests her Domme wings.

Here's the trouble.

Last night, something new happened to me that's never happened before. Because of some real-life issues, it's been a couple of weeks since girl and I were able to have sex. (Sad panda). Finally, yesterday, we were able to, and she (wonderfully) spent nearly all day teasing me, ordering me about, and doing all sorts of yummy (and/or painful) things to me.

The problem was, by the time she was ready to allow me to please her, I couldn't fuck her for more than a few seconds before having to stop for fear of cumming without permission. I desperately wanted to please her but couldn't. I knew already (because of an earlier transgression) that I wasn't going to be allowed to cum anyway, but in the end, she had to go to sleep unfulfilled. I felt awful and I don't want this to happen again.

Other subs, how do you stop yourself cumming when your Mistress/Master orders you not to? I never have this problem. When I dom, I can hold off almost indefinitely until I feel like she's 'earned' the right to have me cum in or on her, but when I'm subbing, I feel like I have no control over it. Help!

I have this problem every now and then with my current girl friend. She would get so frustrated if I would blow my load before she was finished. So then she came up with the idea that if I cum before she did I would have to clean her out and with my tonge. This worked for quite awhile up until about 3 months ago until then I had never tasted cum and didnt have the desire to. Now I enjoy cleaning her out so it isnt helping but may work in your situation.

The difference between being in control and not having any. Nice!!

It's really up to her in the dominant role to teach you that control. Until you can, I guess you'll have to suffer the humiliation of being of little use to her.

She'll have to get a dildo or vibe and teach you how to pleasure her with it instead. Perhaps a strap-on (with a chastity restraint) with which you can service her. And finally a strap-on for her, to teach you to receive... and receive... and receive... until you can do so without coming.

I don't like to not please my Dom, but sometimes the punishment is so worth the risk. ;)

I have started to be a "non cummer" I have been trained to hold back 45 min and it hurts so bad that it has been called a new punishent

You may also want to look into a hollow strap on

There are soooooooooooooo many other ways to please a woman besides penetration & if she absolutely must have penetration to be fulfilled then I would go with Oz's comment & use a toy or strap on.

My only other advice is to think of something else while you're going at it. Baseball, riding a bike, taking a run, whatever... concentrating on controlling your breathing I've read also helps quite a bit too.

Best wishes!

to me its the mix between pleasure and pain that assists with the control.. or ability to cum.. when the mix is just right the experience is amazing and intense gently see-sawing between the two... too much pain and it takes over.. to much pleasure and well you know what happens..

but have no idea how this works with a man and your ability to perform.. good luck...