At last I've done my first assignment

I'm back.. I've never forgotten about this task. I just was hated everything I wrote. I'm submitting this, a bit longer than 1500 words. I guess I'll find out if the length was worth it. I posted on the original assigment thread but didn't know if it should have been in a new thread so here it is. My task was to write a story/scene incorporating the words: burka, halo and horny

I eased myself down to the floor, shivering a little as my bottom hit the cold oak flooring. I put the soles of my feet together, my thighs spread wide. I slowly moved the head of an eight inch dildo into the opening of my vagina. It was as cold and dry as the floor but soon my pussy got wet and the toy gathered my juices. I could feel a flush build over my face as I started to stroke just the head in and out as my Master watched me from his place on the couch. The door bell rang.

Master gave an impatient sigh.

“Answer the door, my pet,” he said.

I put the dildo in one hand and reached for my robe with the other, happy my task was delayed.

“No, push the toy inside you and answer it as you are.”

Stunned, I did as told, opening the door a few inches, using it shield my naked body. At five feet seven inches tall I wasn't used to looking up at people but I had to tilt back my head to look at the man on the porch.

“Delivery for an M. K. Jensen, miss.” the man said.

“I’ve been expecting a package. Invite him in and close the door,” Master said from behind me, his voice smooth and steady.

I quickly turned my head to my Master. No way would He do this. His light blue eyes were steady on mine. Oh yes, He would.

I knew better than to complain or plead so I opened the door wide but I hunched my shoulders, trying to my myself small. The delivery guy’s eyes went wide as he saw me. I expected him to look away after the initial glance. Instead he stared, his gaze stopping for a while on the clamps on the nipples of my 30C breasts, then following the chain over the slight rise of my stomach down my waxed pussy to the ring on the end of the dildo.

Even as my Master signed and took the package, the guys eyes had never left my body. I didn't mind so much being naked, my Master had squelched that modesty out of me. It was the superior smirk the guy had on his face which had me squirming. I felt like I had the letters W H O R E scrawled across my chest. Even worse, I felt my clit twitch at his stare. As I shifted my weight from foot to foot I lowered my head, my long blond hair formed a curtain on both sides of my face to hide my blush. For the first time in my life I wished I was wearing a burka.

My Master put the package and clipboard on a side table then cleared his throat.

“My slut was performing a task for me when you arrived. Do you have time to watch her finish fucking herself?” Master asked.

I winced at the coarseness of my Master’s words. Even as my body reacted willingly to the words “slut” and “fucking”, my mind screamed NO! I wasn't some scrawny chick who did gigs for random lechers at Harry's House O' Whores XXX peep show. I prayed the delivery guy had the decency to refuse.

To my dismay, the delivery guy nodded, and Master motioned for the him to sit on the other end of the couch. The guy did, leaning forward, his forearms resting on his knees.

“Cock head only and slow until you hear the bell, slut. No cumming.” my Master said as He set a timer.

“Yes, Master.”

I resumed my position with little grace, thumping my butt down on the hard floor. My hands shook as I pulled the dildo out of my vagina, horrified at the sucking sound it made. After three or four strokes in and out I ran the toy up and down my spread pussy lips, whimpering each time it touched my swollen clit. The chain attached to the dildo tugged hard on my nipples. It felt like a hundred needles each time I pulled. Even still with each tug I felt an answering ache in my womb. I closed my eyes to cocoon myself from my predicament as my deep inner voice, my Puritanical mind, called me names.. whore.. slut.. dirty girl.. tramp.

I heard Master unwrap the package,

“Eyes open and on our guest. And slower, slut.”

I obeyed, feeling the heat rise on my face as I looked at the delivery guy. I tried to focus on things about him. His thick wavy brown hair such a sharp contrast to the severe cut of my Master's salt and pepper hair. The large biceps of the stranger's bulged against the short sleeves of his shirt. My Masters arms were more slender and lithe.

I stroked over and over even using the fingers of my other hand to open my pussy lips, showing the swollen flower of my clit as the prickling in my nipples increased with each tug. I blinked back tears as my inner voice called out ~slutty girl~ . As my body craved my mind swirled so fast with questions they slammed into each other .. why was my Master doing this.. was he so disappointed in me..would he dump me.. was the stranger an axe murderer? Was he a Tea Party guy?

In a daze, I felt the head of the cool dildo slide across my hot drenched pussy, grateful the noise from my Master opening His package drowned out the wet sounds. My eyes stayed on the stranger. The look on his face was like a teen aged boy watching his first porn flick but with a hint of contempt. Maybe that's what a leer is. Whatever it was I felt a chill run down my spine as if a spider were crawling along the back of my neck and I blushed harder. This wasn't the embarrassment of something like I had a trail of toilet paper on my shoe or that the back of my skirt had been tucked into my pantihose during a sales presentation. Not that my Master allowed me to wear pantihose or panties at work...~dirty whore~

I tried to distract myself from my thoughts, I concentrated on details of the delivery guy: the red embroidery above the pocket of his blue shirt, the cuff of his blue shorts, his brown eyes, the sprinkle of hair on his shins. Stroking all the while, my pussy getting wetter and wetter. The fake cock never warmed even as my pussy got hot. It was an object with no compassion. It just was an implement of torture even as it gave me pleasure. And, with each stroke, the feeling in my nipples escalated to thousands of pins and needles, no longer an ache but real pain. Yet the pain seemed right - a chastisement for my slutty behaviour. At last the timer chimed.

“Begin using the full length of the dildo my pet. You are free to cum at any time.” Master said.

I obeyed and shoved it in, to the hilt. I held it there as I gasped, relieved the tugging on my nipples was gone for the moment. I could feel my inner muscles grip the the shaft of the toy. I eventually pulled it out, the wet sounds audible again now that my Master had finished opening the package. I could smell my juices as the the heat from my pussy rose in waves. Tangy yet sweet. Oh yes, how my body craved as my mind rebelled.

You know the nightmare, where you are standing in front of a classroom giving a report, and you are suddenly naked? This was even worse, because I was willingly stroking a bright red fake cock on my clit for a stranger. My traitorous body did not care the penis was fake or that I was the one who manipulated it .. it just needed. It did not care my inner voice was screaming ~TRAMP~.

From the corner of my eye I could see my Master was moving His hands, I glanced to see if the faint smile he always had when I masturbated was on His lips. There was no smile. He wasn't even looking at me. He was concentrating on the contents of the package. Oh God.. had He tired of me? Was this His way of rejecting me. Was I just a whore? Was my halo as His beloved pet tarnished from my relectance? I felt the heat of my blush travel down to my breasts.

My clit was throbbing and I needed to cum. But I couldn't. At the worst time my body listened to my mind. I pushed the dildo in so hard it made my womb hurt. Tears clouded my eyes as I now bargained with my body to cum. I looked harder at the delivery guy. I guessed him to be in his early twenties. From time to time I had seen him put his hand to his crotch and shift his cock. I knew he was horny. As I pushed the toy in and out of my pussy I started to imagine what his cock looked like, ~dirty girl~.

I wondered how it would feel if the stranger rose from the couch, tore out the dildo and pressed my back against the hard cold floor, putting my thighs on his shoulders and pushing is cock inside me ~filthy slut~.

At that thought, I put my left hand on the floor behind me and arched my back. Panting, I pushed the dildo deep, shortening the strokes and moving the dildo at a fast pace. My pussy muscles started to tighten and the orgasm hit. I moaned loudly as my hips jerked and I furiously worked the dildo in and out thinking of the strangers cock inside me. As I did my eyes locked with his and I was sure he knew my thoughts, that it was his cock in me with each stroke. I cried out as I finally came, feeling the juices flow out of me. Pleasure tingled through my body. I laid on my back, spent.

Master rose and unhooked the nipple clamp chain from the dildo ring, pulling out the dildo as He did.

“You did the task well, pet, but I fear you have left our guest in some discomfort. You will remedy that, whore.” Oh no.. now what?

Hello lil ashley,

to guard against misunderstandings: I am not a tutor of the Writers' Block, but an author frozen in Level 3 due to the lack of any person to look at my story and say: Congratulations, Level 4.

That is sad, but we have to keep in mind that the tutors are volunteers, and that those who have left had reasons to do so (of some I have hints, of others not).

However, you took your time to write your story, so you have the right to get a respond to it.

I will keep it short, beginning with some negative points:

Topic: the whole scene appears generic, the characters almost stereotype (obedient submissive, older master, voyeuristic stranger).

Sentence structure: Many sentences start with "I", like the first three.

There are some other things like punctuation, but now some positive points:

Style: The interjections at the end of the later paragraphs ("~TRAMP~") establish a connection between actions and thoughts as well as between those paragraphs and the beginning of the masturbation sequence ("called me names.. whore.. slut.. dirty girl.. tramp").

Depicting: "Naked in front of the class" gives a clear, felicitous picture of the submissive's emotions.

Finally: I like the clever way you put "burka" into your story; not exerted, not contrived.

Venom... thank you for taking the time to read and critique my piece. You have very valid points. The story itself is longer but I just put the first part here as overall the piece was to long for this venue. The situation and motivations are not quite as generic overall but your point is well taken. I try not to use "I" in stories but it obviously got away from me here. Whereas I understand your comments about punctuation, since you were not specific I might put in down to the very subjective nature of rules these days. I'm glad I did get some mental pictures in the story. I struggle with "show me don't TELL me". Again thank you. I'm sorry I've not been on sooner. I got a bit fed up with not only my choice of browser for this site but the lack of response. - :) lil ash

You are welcome, lil ash.

Without pushing the topic I just want to give an example as to my comment about punctuation:

“Delivery for an M. K. Jensen, miss.” the man said.

The full stop before the closing question mark has to be a comma. One line below it is made correctly, and none of the other mistakes is more "grave" than this one. So you see in what small dimensions my grammar comment was moving... :)


By the way: I have to update my foregoing post. I made it to Level Four! In Level Three was no tutor, either. So, pointing to my posted stories in Level Three, Library, Writers' Society etc., I asked Torq to grant me access to the final Level. With that I would like to say that your interest for the Writer's Block should not be dimmished by your experience with your first assignment. Keep on writing, post in the free fora of the Writers' Society. Feed back will come.