Lied/trust

hello, i am trying to help a friend of mine who is a slave herself. Her Master promised her that when she joined her Master he would not be seeing any other slave/subs for pain/pleasure/fun and would concentrate on her. Well she has just found out that her Master has been seeing this one particular slave and is coming to see Master next month for a days session of pain/pleasure/fun and wants her to join in with the fun. My friend is in a TPE 24/7 relationship with her Master with not many hard limits and has a safe word but hardly uses it as she trusts her Master that he would stop straight away by her body actions in which he does stop instantly. Now she feels betrayed, lied to and has lost her trust with her Master by seeing this particular slave and who is coming next month. Can she ever find that trust with her Master ever again. She feels also jealous as her Master is taking more attention to this other slave than he is with her and she feels it could cause problems with her and her Master. Has anybody got any suggestions many thanks singletaillover

Suggestions? Just one. She and Master need to sit down for a long talk.

I agree. She needs to share these feelings and get his honest and open response to the accusations. That is the only way to sort this out in her own mind. Either he will allay her fears, maybe apologise and make it up to her, or he will not and the relationship will end. Either way, they need to have that talk. It is no good continuing with her not trusting him as this will only fester and cause greater problems.

Master or not, he was in the wrong here - he should have been open about his other relationships - so he needs to work to make things right again.

i agree with both of the comments before mine.

she needs to have things clear in her head and make sure they stick to that subject aswell xxx

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Originally Posted by singletaillover

hello, i am trying to help a friend of mine who is a slave herself. Her Master promised her that when she joined her Master he would not be seeing any other slave/subs for pain/pleasure/fun and would concentrate on her. Well she has just found out that her Master has been seeing this one particular slave and is coming to see Master next month for a days session of pain/pleasure/fun and wants her to join in with the fun. My friend is in a TPE 24/7 relationship with her Master with not many hard limits and has a safe word but hardly uses it as she trusts her Master that he would stop straight away by her body actions in which he does stop instantly. Now she feels betrayed, lied to and has lost her trust with her Master by seeing this particular slave and who is coming next month. Can she ever find that trust with her Master ever again. She feels also jealous as her Master is taking more attention to this other slave than he is with her and she feels it could cause problems with her and her Master. Has anybody got any suggestions many thanks singletaillover

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She feels lied to? Good grief, girl, she was lied to. The dominant is not playing fair by her, and if he promised he'd stop playing with slaves, and hasn't then he is not trustworthy. She should let him know just how unhappy she is, and, if he's npt prepared to live up to his initial promise, then she should walk away from the relationship.

He has no right to make this a test of his 24/7 slave, if that's what he says he's doing. That would be a huge weasle on his part, since all he's really doing is telling his slave he doesn't care two hoots for her, and that he will do what he wants, regardless of how much she gets hurt in the process, and that his trustworthiness is nonexistant.

He's not a trustworthy dominant when it comes to making promises, and therefore, not one to trust with her safety since he is likely to take his own route regardless of her wishes, desires or needs.

The only safe thing for your friend to do is to walk away from the liar

Walk away is maybe taking it a bit far, but i'd certainly have a lengthy talk with him and he better make sure he apologizes and works on himself to earn that trust - and respect - again.

I do not think it warrants quite a dramatic response as immediate walking away... Yes, the liklihood is that he does not respect her and all the other things that Miner says are true and so the relationship will fail. However, a sensible and mature response is to have the conversation and give him the chance to explain himself. I have to say that it does not look good. If he'd made it clear he wanted to be poly or even if they'd never discussed it and she just assumed then there may be a way out that leaves them still in a relationship but there is the case that he told her he wasn't going to do this then did. What he should have done was informed her that he wanted to change the nature of the relationship and that the initial conditions were changing.

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Originally Posted by lucy

Walk away is maybe taking it a bit far, but i'd certainly have a lengthy talk with him and he better make sure he apologizes and works on himself to earn that trust - and respect - again.

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Originally Posted by fetishdj

I do not think it warrants quite a dramatic response as immediate walking away... Yes, the liklihood is that he does not respect her and all the other things that Miner says are true and so the relationship will fail. However, a sensible and mature response is to have the conversation and give him the chance to explain himself. I have to say that it does not look good. If he'd made it clear he wanted to be poly or even if they'd never discussed it and she just assumed then there may be a way out that leaves them still in a relationship but there is the case that he told her he wasn't going to do this then did. What he should have done was informed her that he wanted to change the nature of the relationship and that the initial conditions were changing.

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Both of you read her post again, please. It sounds to me that he made the initial promise then broke it. In my book that is a serious breach of trust.

Such a breach of his own promise poses issues. I would NOT accept that from a sub of mine, and I would definitely NOT respect a fellow dominant who lied so blatantly to his sub.

Nor would I Miner, nor would I.

He has obviously broken her trust.

He will be lucky if she gives him a second chance to do it again and she will imho be a fool is she gives it too him, who knows what other things he will do to breach her trust in the future.

By bringing other partners into the relationship and or covorting behind her back with others he has allready exposed her to the possibility of std's that she did not knowingly consent to if nothing else.

We may have our differences conserning some of the finer points of what does and does not constitute a minor or magior infraction and what punnishments if any revolve around such issues when it comes to certian things in D/s and M/s relationships, but in this regard I am with you 100%.

Trust in any D/s & M/s relationship is a must for me, without there is no relationship.

Could I put the well being of my mind, body & soul in the hands of someone that I didn't trust or had broken my trust....... NO, NEVER.

I am sorry. I hate to be a downer to all the lovely suggestions here, but I would walk. There is absolutely nothing more important in a relationship than trust. PERIOD. Once that is gone, there is nothing left. A bit dramatic? I personally don't think so. I agree with Miner... definitely not too dramatic to walk.

Now... would I give him a 2nd chance? Nope. Why? Because it would never be the same. Maybe that's just my jaded-ness from watching too many failed 2nd chances in relationships, but once that deepest level of trust is broken once, there will always be the suspicion that it will happen again. She will always wonder in the back of her mind what he's doing... and she'll always be looking over her shoulder--she deserves better than that!

It's crap. On top of which, I have to say this... the "Dom" (and I use that term LOOSELY here) is crap for treating her like that. I am not saying he's a horrible person in general... ok, yes I am. That's HORRID. Be a man. Own your behavior. Don't be a douche & go behind your girl's back, and then try to smooth it all over by acting like it was part of your "act" in the first place by trying to somehow "tie it in" to BDSM. It's cheating, plain & simple... dressed up or plain, it's still cheating.

Just my 2 cents.

I agree completely, delia. Maybe the rules for vanilla relationships and BDSM relationships are different, but he was in a BDSM relationship and broke BDSM rule #1: trust. That equals cheating, so if I was her, he'd be gone.

However I'm a dominant so I'm assertive and nobody crosses me, so I can see how that might be more difficult for a sub to leave. But frankly, if I were a sub and my entire life revolved around trusting my Master, I'd want a Master who deserved my trust.

And this guy clearly does not.

I never said he should automatically get another chance, I said he should get a chance to give his side of the argument. I agree that the chances are he does not have a good enough explanation and that she should walk. However, I think walking without giving that one chance to explain does not help her gain resolution nor him to learn and grow and not make the same mistake next time.

Hmm, Just a quick point here. No disrespect to STL, but we are getting only one side of the story and that 2nd hand. I would hesitate to give advice to leave. Communication is key to any relationship. If they cannot reach an mutual agreement on the situation after talking, then and only then should leaving become the solution. Even breakups go better with good communications.