Still Weak and Trembling

Yes this story is true. This is my life. Enjoy.

i had just finished cleaning up the kitchen after our late breakfast; my collar and cuffs were still locked on so i went to find Sire to ask Him to take them off so i could take a bath.

i walked into His bedroom and asked Sire if He would remove the cuffs. He picked up His keys from the desk and tossed them to me. All my life i have had this unreasonable fear of catching keys because i think they are going to stab me in the hand. This time was no different and just as they were about to hit my hand i flinched and they flew right past me to land on the floor. As i hurried to pick them up i heard Sire's incredulous voice, "You dropped My keys." i had just grabbed them from the floor when i felt Sire's hand fisted in my hair, pulling me to my feet, and shoving me face down on the edge of the bed. He immediately began spanking my ass as He leaned over me and said, "When I throw something to you, you will catch it. Do you understand me?"

"Yes Sire," i replied as the tears began forming in my eyes.

Again He grabbed me by the hair, this time shoving me to the floor, "Get your ass down there." i knew what He wanted and immediately sank into the ichi position. "What is wrong with this picture?" He asked. i hurriedly began undressing. "you sure are taking your time with that." He said. i moved faster, stripping my clothes off and then dropping back into ichi.

Holding His keys in my palms, presented to Him, i asked, "Sire will You please remove Your collar from around Your slave’s neck?"

"Just the collar?" He asked.

"Will You please remove Your cuffs as well Sire?" i asked, mentally kicking myself. i should have known that already without being reminded.

"Up." i hurriedly sat up and held the keys out to Him. He took the keys then pulled His shorts off revealing His rock hard cock, "Here take care of this while I unlock you." i love having Sire's cock in my mouth and was all too happy to have it there again. In my eagerness to feel His cock pressed against the back of my throat i gagged myself on His piercing. He just put it back in yesterday after months of having it out. Sucking his cock with the piercing is far different from doing it without, something that i had temporarily forgotten. i could feel Sire unlocking the collar and removing it from my neck as i was enjoying the feel of His cock sliding in and out of my mouth. He said, "Kiss." So i pulled back enough to kiss the collar. "Continue." And i was sucking His cock again.

Sire began backing toward the center of the room, "Don't let go," He said. i felt like a gangly puppy as i crawled on my knees with my hands behind my back, trying my hardest not to let His cock come out of my mouth. i didn't want to know what would happen if i let go, so it was with great relief (on my part) that we reached the center of the room. Sire kicked my knees to make sure that they were spread as far apart as they would go. Then He pulled His cock out of my mouth and adjusted my arms. He said, "This is your new position."

"Yes Sire."

"you will remember it."

My stomach muscles clenched up in excitement. i absolutely love when He speaks to me in that commanding tone. The one that clearly indicates 'Or else'. my voice was breathy as i replied, "Yes Sire."

He walked behind me and i could hear Him messing with the toy bag. When He stepped back beside me He placed a cane against my left breast. With one quick movement He left a stripe that elicited a yelp from me. my eyes began to water. Then quickly He left a matching one on the right breast. Tears began to slide down my cheeks as He shoved His cock back into my mouth. "I love your tears," He said. i could hear the satisfaction in His voice. The tone and the words made my heart ache with love, which made the tears flow even faster.

Again He stepped back, cane still in hand, this time it landed on my inner thigh with a quick scream on my part. This hurt so much more than the breast, as the skin is so much more tender. Again i screamed when He left a matching mark on my other thigh. Now the tears were pouring down my cheeks, as i attempted to breathe through the pain. He shoved His cock back in my mouth. "I love your pain," He said, "It gives Me so much pleasure."

i attempted to say, "Yes Sire," around the cock in my mouth.

"Hurting you turns Me on so fucking much."

Again i tried to say, "Yes Sire."

He again pulled His cock out of my mouth and stepped back, "Ichi." i quickly sank into the correct position. "Ni." i switched positions, completely focused on His voice. i knew then what He was doing. It had been so long since He put me through all of my positions and i was terrified that i was going to forget something. Again i heard His command, and again i changed positions. My mind was trying to stay focused on what i knew was coming next, yet at the same time, as He said the word my body reacted as if from memory and as my body moved to the new position my mind would catch up and go 'oh right, that's what it is.' Then He said, "Hatchi" and as i began to moved i faltered. i couldn't remember where my hands were supposed to be. So i simply let my body guide me, and when i stopped moving He said, "No" and whacked my ass with the cane a few times. I cried out in pain and moved my hands to the correct position, tears streaming down my face.

When He was done putting me through all my positions He made me stand. His hand moved between my legs and began rubbing my already wet pussy. My breathing quickly became ragged. i could hear the satisfaction in His voice when He said, "You are such a slut"

"Yes Sire," came the breathy reply.

"You get turned on so easily by Me." His hand continued moving over my clit.

"Yes Sire."

"All I have to do is touch you."

"Yes Sire."

"Look at you."

"Yes Sire." i looked into His eyes and the pleasure He was building in me took a giant leap.

"Breathe in your ear." i began to lose control as He indeed spoke those words in my ear, His voice sounding so rough and sexy.

my body began trembling as i tried to hold back the orgasm He had been building in me. "Yes Sire"

"Bite you." He did. "Pull your hair" He did. "Hurt you." He did. "Choke you." His hand slipped around my neck and squeezed and i completely lost it.

"Please Sire," i begged, my breath catching in my throat. i could hear myself whimpering.

"Please what?"

"Please let me cum Sire." OMG! i can't hold still, i feel like i'm about to fall over. "Please Sire. Please may i cum?" i want so badly to hear His voice say The Word. And then He did. As soon as i hear it i let that small bit of control go and almost fell to the ground as that first orgasm rushed through my body.

Somehow i managed to remain standing. As my breathing slowed His fingers kept moving. i whimpered as He continued to rub my now very tender flesh. He chuckled, "You're sensitive arn't you?"

"Yes Sire," i breathed.

"We are going to keep going........until maybe 12:00. Do you know what time it is now?"

At this point my mind was totally over come with pleasure and i thought 'are you kidding me?' i didn't have a single coherent thought in my head and i was supposed to know what time it was? i glanced around the room, but i couldn't get my eyes to focus on the clock. "No Sire," i finally say.

"It's 11:27." A part of me got excited and another part of me got scared. Then i got distracted by the next orgasm that He was quickly building within me and i forgot to be scared.

i was so overwhelmed by emotions and physical feelings from this point on that it's very hard to focus on the details.

i remember begging to cum over and over; and being granted permission. i remember screaming in pleasure. i remember His voice calling me His fucking slut. His whore. His slave. And as He made me repeat the words back to Him i could feel the orgasms getting more and more intense. i remember Him saying, "What are you?"

"i'm You're fucking slut whore slave, Sire."

"Yes you are." He would say, "That is the answer you are to give every time I ask."

"Yes Sire."

i remember falling against Him as another orgasm rocked my body and He snapped, "Don't touch me." Through my haze of pleasure i managed to stand on my own two feet. i remember needing to cum so badly that i was begging over and over so rapidly that i'm not sure i was even giving Him a chance to respond, but i certainly heard Him when He again said The Word that always ends my suffering and gives me great pleasure.

Then as yet another orgasm was building to a torturous peak and i was again begging for release, i instead heard Him say, "Who is he?"

i opened my eyes and tried to understand what He was talking about. i simply couldn’t get my mind to focus on His words and form a logical thought out of them. my speech was slurred as i tried to answer, but instead ended up saying, "i don't.......what?......i don't know what You're talking about."

He grabbed my hair and forced me to look at Him. "The guy you are always thinking about. Who is he?"

Then i had the first clear thought since we had begun all this. And that thought was 'You son of a bitch!' Grrr!!! Several weeks ago i sent Sire a text message that said something about me being very happy and very much in love. He responded with 'Who is he?" i laughed and sent back 'i'll never tell'. He said, 'want to bet?'. And since then He has been occasionally doing things to try to get me to say this 'guys' name. But i had been withstanding the pain and refusing to tell Him.

So there i was barley standing. Needing to cum so badly. Knowing that to cum without permission is a punishable offense. My eyes even darted to the punishment paddles hanging on the wall above our bed. i didn't consider risking it, but i was aware of them all the same. Then there was His sexy intoxicating voice in my ear, "You know you want to tell Me." i shook my head and cried out in frustration. "Just tell Me his name." i refused to look at Him. "I know it's Me you think about all the time. All you have to do is say so and this will end." i was so over come with what He was doing to me that i had my hands over my face crying hysterically. Wanting to beg Him to stop. To just please stop touching me. "I can do this all day. My hand is not the least bit tired." Then He starts rubbing His hard cock against me, "Just tell me it's me. I know it is." i was trying to stand still, and failing miserably. "You'll feel better if you tell Me" i knew i shouldn't move away, but i just couldn't take it anymore. i stepped back away from Him and felt the relief as His hand was pulled away from my aching clit. He grabbed me by the hair and said, "Get your ass back over here." His voice was so serious as He growled in my ear, "you do NOT move away from Me!" His hand was immediately back to torturing me and i just wanted it to stop. i didn't even want to cum anymore, i just wanted it to stop! Then He said the one thing that broke me. “It’s 11:43, I think we are going to keep doing this until 12:15. It’s only another half hour. you can keep going that long right?” Immediately my hope that this would soon be over was gone as i realized that He was just going to keep adding time until i snapped. i remember shaking my head back and forth as in my mind i was thinking ‘NO!’ i didn’t want to tell Him, but i also didn’t want to keep going. i was thinking ‘no’ about the entire situation, not just the time. my mind had lost the ability to handle any of it. i refused to look at Him. my crying increased dramatically. i had absolutely no control left at this point. i collapsed against Him, crying loudly, sobbing incoherently, "It's You! It's You! Please stop. It's You."

He hugged me to Him and i could hear the smile in His voice as He said, "I knew it was Me." He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me against His body, holding me while i continued to cry loudly.

When i started to calm down He said, "Do you want to know something?" i nodded as i continued to cry. He said, "It's you too. You're the one I think about all the time. You're the one who makes My cock hard when I'm sitting at work thinking about you. You're the one I love. It's always you." So of course i cried even harder, and He held me even tighter.

When my crying slowed down He stood up, bent me over the bed, and pushed His cock into my very wet pussy. i almost came again just from the feel of Him sliding so deep inside me. This was the first time i had felt Him with the piercing, in several months. I had forgotten how good it feels. i remember saying, "You're cock feels so good Sire."

He said, "You like that don't you?"

"Yes Sire."

"You missed the piercing didn't you?"

"Yes Sire."

"What are you?"

"i'm You're fucking slut whore slave, Sire."

"You're My fucking slut whore slave," He confirmed. Then He smacked my ass as He continued fucking me. "What are you?"

"i'm You're fucking slut whore slave, Sire."

"Keep saying it." So i did, and each time i said it, i got even more excited. In no time at all i was begging to cum again. He said, "No. You will not cum until i am ready." i whimpered and tried my hardest to hold the orgasm back as He continued fucking me, continued to make me want it even worse. Then i heard that wonderful word, and in His tone i could hear His own pleasure as He began cumming inside me and that sent me over the edge. Screaming out my pleasure. As the orgasm faded i collapsed to the bed, completely exhausted. i could feel Sire's hands rubbing my back, His cock still inside me. "Good girl," He said. And i began crying again. It is always such an emotional release to hear His tender words after He has put my body through something so hard to endure.

He pulled out of me and said, "Climb up on the bed."

i slowly climbed up the bed and lay down, my mind was completely gone, i was barely aware of my surroundings. Sire stretched out beside me rubbing His hand up and down my body. i can remember saying, "Thank You Sire."

We lay there for a few minutes talking. Well, Sire talked, i mumbled. Then He got me a drink and ran me a bath. i love knowing that as rough as we sometimes get while we're playing, Sire is always going to be there to pull me back together when we are done. He is always going to be there to love me. He is always going to be there to hurt me. *Grins* What more could a slave ask for?

Some girls have all the luck.

~slave sirenity~

Thank you so much for sharing this story! I'm so glad that you are happy and well. :)

What a lovely story, so full of emotion. Your sould laid bare for your "Sire", and now for us to read. Thank you for sharing with all of us

moco: you are welcome. i truly enjoy writing of our play times. They are so many that i can hardly keep up though. It shows in some of my writing if it's been a couple of days after the event before i write about it. This one however was written while i was still floating around in sub space! Yumm!

jeanne: Yes i am doing quite wonderfully. Life doesn't get much better than this. i've just been off the site for awhile because i've been so busy with RL and the dang chat room here is just addicting! i plan on hanging out more...not nearly as much as i once did though!

Everything in this scene was SSC. We both had a great time and would definately do it again!


November 29, 2009

Sire and i have been together for about 8 months. When we scene it generally gets harder than a lot of people are comfortable with. However when Sire asks if it was too much or if He could have pushed me farther the answer is always that He could have gone harder. i've never felt like i have reached my limit.......until last night.

We went to a local play party last night. It was a closed party, by invite only, and the only restrictions placed on the attendees were nothing illegal allowed.

We just visited for a while, catching up with old friends, making new acquaintances. Sire was wearing a leather thong, chaps, boots, and a bow tie. i was looking hot (His words not mine) in a leather strappy bra, black thong, gorgeous black and blue long line corset and knee high black fuck me boots.

You have to bear in mind that I experienced more pain that night than i’ve ever endured before, so the details are a little fuzzy, and there is most likely gaps in my memory. i think we played for about an hour, but i could be off on that estimation.

When Sire decided He was ready to play He stripped me down to just my boots and collar, tied me to a cross, and placed nipple clamps on me with the chain on the clamps going around the cross so that i couldn't move much without hurting myself. He leaned against me from behind, running His hands up and down my out stretched arms and sides, and told me that He was going to show me how much He loved me with pain. That the more it hurts the more He loves me. He made sure i was clear on that. Then He stepped back and got started, even the warm up was harder than usual. Almost as painful as our play normally gets at it's peak. This consisted mostly of Him smacking my body with His open hands all along my back and sides from my shoulders to my knees. i had to focus on my breathing right away. There is usually a time at the beginning of our play where i am thinking how much i like it. This was different. It wasn’t so much enjoying as it was enduring right from the start.

Then Sire started taking things out of the toy bag. i really couldn't tell you what order they were used in. Some things i recognized by feel, others i didn’t. The first whack surprised me with its intensity and had me crying out in pain. After beating on me for a while Sire removed the clamps quickly, which if you've ever worn them you know that just causes more pain. Then He pulled my hips back and started fucking me really hard. i was so wet at that point that He had no trouble sliding inside me. He fucked me for a few minutes and then He grabbed my hair and shoved me back against the cross. He said that every time He did this i started crying even harder, like i was thinking oh hell He's going to start beating me again. i really wasn't thinking anything at that pint, but it's possible that's what my body was feeling and responding to. One after another i felt the impact of floggers, paddles, and canes. i remember screaming so loudly, thinking that i wanted Him to stop yet i did not say it out loud because there was a part of me that wanted to keep going. Time after time He pulled me away from the cross, my arms would stretch tight against my bonds, my shoulders would feel as if they were going to be pulled out of their sockets as He fucked me, jerking me against my restraints. i was crying loudly, the tears streaming down my cheeks. When He would shove me back against the cross i remember being relieved that the pressure was taken off my arms, only to immediately feel dread because the beating was starting again. Just as when He would pull me away from the cross i would be relieved that the beating had stopped only to realize that the pain was just being shifted to my arms again. After a while He told me that He was going to push me to my limit and that when i don't think i can take anymore then i am to beg Him to cum in me. The thing is, when He told me that i was already thinking i couldn't take any more. i screamed through every bit of pain He was giving me. As loud as it must have been to the people around us, it seemed even louder in my own head. i couldn’t stand still. my feet were constantly shifting, moving, I wanted to try to move away but there was no where to go. The next time that He started fucking me i asked Him to cum in me. This surprised Him because He didn’t think i would say it so soon after He told me i could. He had been saving His favorite cane for last and wanted me to feel it. He pushed me back against the cross and told me that was pathetic and He didn't believe that i really wanted it. Then He laid into me with a few more canes. i was really screaming, crying hysterically, and begging Him to stop, that time when He started fucking me i was begging Him to cum in me, and begging Him to please just stop. Over and over i begged Him for both of these things. My ability to have any coherent thought was gone. i cried and begged until at last He was done.

He gently moved me back against the cross so He could untie me. i really don’t remember much at this point. i remember nearly falling when He pulled me off the cross. i remember being held in His strong arms and slowly lowered to the blanket. i remember being held across His lap, His gentle words in my ear, His gentle hands on my skin. My body shook with the intensity of my crying. There could have been a hundred people around us and i wouldn’t have known. All i was aware of was the comfort i was getting from being held against Sire’s body. Nothing else mattered. Once the endorphin rush passed i just lay there totally spaced out and feeling like i was on cloud nine.

i have always wanted to know just how far i could go in a scene like this, and i am so glad that we did it. Oddly enough, i do hope we do it again someday.

i really love the scenes that push me, whether it is emotionally or physically. i have to say, that was one of our best scenes yet, for me at least. Made even better by the knowledge that other people were watching us. Today i am covered in bruises and can barley drum up the energy to walk, but i guess that's what happens when a true sadist and a true masochist come together.

12-28-09

In order to tell you this story I must first tell you about the night it truly started. The weekend after Thanksgiving Sire and I attended a party, which I have already written a story about called ‘Take Me To The Limit”. If you I not read that story then I will just say ,”That night we had a really hard play session in which Sire took me as far as I could go…and then some.”

Some time after we were done playing we were in the kitchen of the house where the party was. Sire had me sitting at the table wrapped in a blanket, holding a drink. He wanted me to eat something, but nothing there really seemed appetizing to me at the time, so I told Him that I had a small bag of peanut mm’s in my bag. He gave me a look that said, ‘That’s not what I meant, but I’ll indulge you this time’. So He got the mm’s and gave them to me and I ate one…a green one. For some reason, I always tend to dig through the bag and eat all of one color before moving on to a different color. So when Sire asked me what color I had started eating I told Him without really thinking about His rule concerning the color green. So then He starts this playful thing that every time I eat a green mm it is going to hurt. So He fed me another mm and pinched my nipple while I ate it. He was digging in the bag trying to find another one and could only find one. I smarted off, “See Sire? I got the bag I knew you would like, only three green ones!” He squinted at me and told me to hold my hands out. He dumped the whole bag into my hands and there were about eight more green mm’s in the bottom. He gave me a surprised look, “Got the bag I liked huh?”

We didn’t go through them all that night. When we got home Sire set them on His nightstand and over the next few weeks He would randomly feed me one and hurt me while I ate it. I really liked this game, so as Christmas rolled around I bought a big bag of red and green Christmas mm’s. Half green, yay!

Sire is never one to be manipulated at His games so I suppose He felt I needed a reminder of that. The day after Christmas I had to go on a long road trip. Sire sent the whole bag with me and told me eat what I wanted, but to keep track of how many green ones I ate and I was not allowed to look before I picked them up. On the drive home I would send Him a text every time I ate a green one. One…two…three. By the time I got to six I guess He was tired of getting the texts because He told me to stop. I thought He meant to stop eating them, so I did. When I got home He asked how many I had eaten and I told Him that I stopped when He told me to. He said, “I didn’t mean stop eating! I meant stop texting me so much.” So later that day I ate four more. I already knew that I was going to pay for eating the six, and I thought ten would be even more fun. Ten is not more fun.

That night I walked into our bedroom and Sire told me to strip. I quickly removed all of my clothes. Then I knelt in front of Him and removed all of His clothes. He said, “shi” and I moved into the correct standing position. He told me to pick something that He would use to make me pay for the mm’s. I said a flogger. So He told me to close my eyes while He chose a flogger from the toy bag. Then He had me hold my hands out and He dumped several mm’s into them. He didn’t really like the red/green combination and He started to take some back, but then He said, “No, that’s the way it worked out. We’ll leave it like that.” He had me walk forward with my eyes closed and lay all the mm’s on the table. Then He had me walk back across the room and place my hands on the armoire. The floggers (He held two together) He used were very thuddy and heavy so that when He sit me it felt as if the wind was almost knocked out of me. As I was gasping to catch my breath Sire reminded me to count each swing. “One Sire.”
By the time we got to ten I was gasping for breath and crying. He leaned against my back soothing me and then He asked, “Do you still like green mm’s?” I shook my head as I cried, “No Sire.” He told me to walk back to the table with my eyes still closed. If I started to go the wrong direction He would snap His fingers so that I could hear where He wanted me to go. When I reached the table He told me to put my hand out and select one mm. If it was green we would be going back to the armoire. If it was red I would get a reward. I held the mm in my hand and Sire told me to open my eyes. I almost started sobbing when I saw that it was green. He told me to eat it and go back to the armoire. I tried to hold back the tears as I walked back across the room with my eyes closed and filled with dread. I didn’t like this game anymore. There were still several mm’s on the table.

Back and forth I went, selecting mm’s. When I picked a red one Sire had me feed it to Him and He kissed me passionately. Then He told me that if I picked two more red ones in a row then He was going to bend me over the table and fuck me hard. He leaned in close to my ear and said, “I really want you to pick a red one, baby.” I reached my hand out and once again blindly selected an mm. A green mm. Sire let out and irritated breath and said, “Get your ass back over there,” and He pushed me in the right direction. I cried even harder. Once again I felt the heavy impact of the duel floggers. Once again I slowly made my way back across to the table in tears.

With my eyes closed I selected a red mm. I fed it to Sire and received my reward, a long kiss. Then I selected another red mm. This time I did not get a kiss. This time Sire grabbed me by the back of my hair pushed me down across the table and shoved His hard cock inside me. I cried out in pleasure even as the tears continued to flow. By this time the tears of agony and the tears of relief were so intermingled that I didn’t know what I was feeling. I was simply overwhelmed by it all. When Sire was done fucking me He pulled me back up and kissed me passionately. Then He had me select another mm.

I honestly don’t remember how long we went back and forth from the table to the armoire. I don’t remember how many red and how many green I selected. Once the sensations of it all overwhelm me it is so hard to focus on the details anymore.

When there was one mm left Sire asked me if I still liked green mm’s. I shook my head as I cried and said, “No Sire.”. He asked me if I wanted to eat them anymore and again I said no. He told me that from now on I am not to eat them at all and He asked me what I would do if I happen to pick up a green one. “I will throw it away,” I said. “Good Girl,” He said, “Now look at the one you are holding.” I looked down at the mm in my hand. Green. I looked up at Sire. “Go,” He said. I ran to the bathroom and threw it away then ran back to Him. He hugged me, held me close and said, “Good Girl,” in that very soothing way that He has.

Lesson learned? Do not try to manipulate Sire at His own games. If He wants to play, He will initiate it on His own.