mental masochism?

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12-29-2008
good_girl

mental masochism?

I had lunch yesterday with a friend and several coffees later we got onto the topic of what a masochist really is.

She and I are both fairly new to the lifestyle, both collared in real life for the first time and neither of us living with our Masters. I had been explaining to her that I has written something in my journal to my Master that I really wasn’t sure how he would react to, in the time between when I wrote it and when He replied I almost went out of my mind (I was very happy after His reply btw). We got to talking about this and came to the realization that we both do this on a regular basis, the worrying, the waiting, the wondering…and then the relief that always seems to follow. This is not something that our Masters inflict on us, rather something we seem to inflict on ourselves.

We both know the definintion of a masochist

Quote:

MASOCHIST Added by Tiger, 08-29-2008 02:53 AM

One who experiences arousal, excitement, or sexual gratification from receiving pain. Contrast sadist. Commentary: Contrary to popular misconception, a masochist does not experience arousal at all forms of pain; stubbing a toe, for example, is unlikely to be arousing. The context of the pain is important.

But we got to wondering if there is another form of masochism, a mental aspect, admittedly neither of us considered ourselves to be masochists based on the pain factor, but are we setting ourselves up for a more mental factor knowing that the relief always follows?

I’m just wondering if anyone else has thought about this or maybe your thinking it now that you read this….either way, what’s your take on this? What experiences have you had that may relate to this? I would love to hear others views on this from both Dom and sub.
12-29-2008
Flaming_Redhead

That's a misleading definition and a popular misconception. I'm not one of those people who can reach orgasm from pain. Pain does not convert to pleasure. Pain is pain, but I like it anyway because I'm perverse and enjoy things I don't like. *lol* To answer your question....yes, Virginia, there is a mental aspect. It doesn't have to be physical discomfort. For example, it seems I'm attracted to men I can't have. I'm not happy if I know I've got him right where I want him. It makes no sense. I say I don't enjoy worrying about relationship stuff, but surely I must 'cause I keep doing it....*shrugs* And I think he knows since he's the one who commented that I only want what I can't have....so maybe he's giving me what I want? hahahahahaha How fucked up is that??? Okay, now y'all know how really crazy I am!

masochism: (n)

1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
12-29-2008
cadence

I think what you are trying to say isn't really a form of masochism, to me it's basically you striving to be pleasing and to please your Master.

I would think that others go through the same thing as well. It's the waiting that makes you more edgy. It is a self infliction that you do to yourself, and I don't really know what you can do to make the waiting better.

I at times used to feel that way, but I have since learned not to worry about it. Regardless as to how long I wait for a response, it's not going to change. It's learning how to deal with patience, waiting and knowing that you've done your best.
12-29-2008
leah06

It doesn't actually sound like masochism to me, Good_Girl. It sounds like anxiety.
12-29-2008
guest010609

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flaming_Redhead

That's a misleading definition and a popular misconception. I'm not one of those people who can reach orgasm from pain. Pain does not convert to pleasure. Pain is pain, but I like it anyway because I'm perverse and enjoy things I don't like. *lol* To answer your question....yes, Virginia, there is a mental aspect. It doesn't have to be physical discomfort. For example, it seems I'm attracted to men I can't have. I'm not happy if I know I've got him right where I want him. It makes no sense. I say I don't enjoy worrying about relationship stuff, but surely I must 'cause I keep doing it....*shrugs* And I think he knows since he's the one who commented that I only want what I can't have....so maybe he's giving me what I want? hahahahahaha How fucked up is that??? Okay, now y'all know how really crazy I am!

masochism: (n)

1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

I can't say it better, so why try? :D
12-29-2008
good_girl

It was more a curiosity to me than anything, we were hopped up on caffeine and the topic of how we put ourselves in these situations over and over again came up. We tend to make ourselves suffer but not physically... much like Flaming_Redhead said

Quote:

3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

this is exactly what we had been talking about and just wondered if this may be another form of masochism, I for one hate the feeling I have in those moments, but live for the relief that always comes at the end, does that make me a mental masochist? Either way it won't change me or my view, but I thought it might make for an interesting discussion.