Our Game

I stumble back into the wall and slowly slide to the floor. As I curl up I whimper once, only because I could not suppress it. My cheek is swelling with a bruise but I don’t raise my hand to touch it. Last time I did so, you only made it worse. My hair is mostly fallen in my face but I don’t seem to notice much.
"Do you want it to end yet? The memories, the darkness, the pain…. Well do you? You know I can make it stop."
Your voice is now gentle and soft, appealing to my bruised body and my confused mind. Trying to make me forget how hard your hand has been and the intensity of your anger. I lay curled against the wall, trying not to listen to you and to calm myself. My body is bruised and my chest heaves with soft sobs. You can't stay much longer; I know this, because if you do I will break.
The soft sound of cloth moving and I feel you have come closer. You bend down next to me and I can feel your hand brush against my bruised cheek. I pull away in alarm and for a moment you don’t protest. Several minutes pass before I feel the light touch of your hand again against my cheek and there is no where left for me to turn. Your fingers lightly trace down the bruise and I wince in pain, though you barely seem to notice that.
Tears run down my cheeks and I know you can smell my fear. Opening my eyes slowly I look down to the floor and only for an instant do I look up into your eyes. Your face is emotionless except maybe a slight curiosity at something I do not understand. A light smile plays on your lips and the intense anger I had seen in your eyes has faded. It was not a hatred I had seen there, only confusion at first and then the anger. Maybe I had said something, I don’t know what. But you lost patience and now I am losing my mind. At first you only warned me, I guess I did not listen, so you tried your hand and got my attention. The bruises are so sore and I am so tired.
I feel I am on the edge of control and what’s worse is you know too. It's been too long now. God I can't take much more of this. The edge is coming and I can't stop it. God I want it to end but I know there is only one way. I can't let that happen though you are not giving me much of a choice. Your good at what you do. I don’t think you really want me broken but if that is what it takes then you are willing to do so.
"Hmm…. Do want the pain to stop yet? Has your pride had enough to let you give in. It doesn't have to be this way."
Your words are so soft and the pain too fresh. I stifle the tears best I can but the damage is done. You move closer pulling me closer to you, I shudder but don’t even try to pull away. Softly a feel your breath against my skin and the gentle touch of your lips against my cheek. Even now my body responds for what unknown reason. I know what is coming and it’s all I can do not to scream or fight. The fight is lost, its gone on too long and my body is too hurt to continue while yours is barely phased.
Your hands start to move down my body, softly creasing me and appealing to me. I shudder but I can't block out the feelings of your touch. After all this pain my body wants to feel something good. A hand runs through my hair gently pulling my head back so your kisses can run down my cheek, jaw line, and then my neck. A soft moan escapes my lips and you think you are getting somewhere.
A slow hand works its way down my shoulder and arm and softly brushes against my breast. You linger for a moment and that is all I need to wake up from the illusion. I grab your hand violently and attempt to push you away. Forcing myself to my feet I am in time to feel you push me hard against the wall. If you had not caught my wrist I may have slipped back down for lack of strength. You push my hands against the wall to either side of my head and I stop fighting.
Again I have awoken that anger and my body can feel the pain flare. For a moment you don’t do anything just simply stare at me. I manage a look of defiance though it is quickly slapped from my face. The mark stings and I try to pull away from your grasp to hold it. Your grip is too strong and you push me harder against the wall pinning my body there under yours.
I stifle a cry and close my eyes, wishing this would all just go away. My head is bowed and I bite my tongue to avoid crying. Your hands slowly release their grip but I dare not move. Softly your hands run down my chest and I can feel you take a hold of the bottom of my shirt. Even now I feel naked to your eyes and I know it will get no better. Somehow I still manage to look defiant but this does not bother you at the moment. After all this time I still don’t understand you any more than when I first met you.
With a quick pull my shirt is ripping and then is falling away. A draft chooses to rise at that moment and I shudder as a chill touches my warm skin. Still I do not dare move but utter a soft cry of protest that you barely notice. Your hands are running over my exposed chest. I can feel the your hardness pushing against my hips with hunger and heat. I whimper but I know my body wants it and even more I know you want it.
You know you can break me and I can't stop you. All I can do is swallow my pride and voice useless protests and begging. Even if I give you what you want you will still have me. I have played this game too long and have lost all chances at bargaining. You’re a sadist and this game now has your attention and hunger. This is not the first time and each I promise it to be the last. Yet I am no better at playing so I keep loosing. The rules allude me and I don’t understand what you want. I know you want what I can't give you but that answer is not good enough to save me.
As you step back slightly with a wicked smile on your face I can feel your hands running over my body. Running a trail of kisses down my neck and to my breast. I don’t dare move. I know somewhere there are chains and more punishment if I can not handle being free. Your hand moves down my side slowly teasing me. I stifle a cry before I start to try and compose myself. If this is to be I would rather not show you my pain and fear, or pleasure.
My eyes are watching you, though shaded through my hair. With a quick movement you have a fistful of my hair in your hands and are bringing my face to yours for a hard kiss. I am caught by surprised and I can't resist now. Nearly, I move my hands from where you placed them against the wall but at the last moment its over. As you release me my head slumps back against the wall, between my hands and I relax ever so slightly.
A soft hand traces my skin as you admire my body again. You do this each time, as if you still can't believe. A wicked smile plays on your lips and you barely notice how uncomfortable I am. Soft kisses on the bruises you have left like an apology for hurting me so. And then I feel you pull away. Closing my eyes I hold my breath but nothing happens for a moment. Then I hear your voice though I am not so sure you are talking to me or yourself, with the desire and amusement there.
“ You always have to be the difficult one. It always has to come to this. Someday maybe you can learn. It’s not that much that I ask yet you treat me as an enemy. If this continues sweet darling the consequences maybe more than you can bear.”
I know your words were not a threat but simply the truth. Shaking my hair out of my face I look at you though you do not even meet my eyes. Stepping closer I watch as you slowly drop to your knees in front of me. I am embarrassed to acknowledge to admit I am already becoming wet though you show no sign of noting my shame. That is how you are, and maybe its one of the secretes you know about me. My spirit and pride remains not totally broken by you overlooking small things. I try not to think of such courtesies because it might make your forgivable…. to some degree.
My eyes close as your hands run over my legs and I can feel you place soft kisses from my inner knee to upper thigh. It’s a tease, maybe I know it doesn’t have to be, but then I would have to swallow pride and ask something of you. I’ll never do that. Maybe someday I won't have to but right now, this is still your games and your rules. Feeling the soft touch my breathing relaxes from the fear and takes on the faster but softer touch of coming pleasure.
After so much pain my body wants this even if my mind doesn’t. I have learned to simply relax and not fight it. I fought once and only once because I was scared, surely you remember that. You beat me and then raped me. That is normal of course but the method in which you did it was different. I thought the beating was bad till I realized it was turning you on and making you want more from me than to simply hear me scream when you hit me. The harder I fought the longer it lasted and the rougher you were with me. Afterwards I didn’t want to move for a week.
Now I know not to resist and things are not so bad. You may be a sadist but this satisfies you enough. I will beg you to be done with me though my body begs for more and you will tell me what you will need to know to stop. These sessions always starts with you asking me to tell you so much, things you know I can't tell. And these sessions end with me telling you some lesser secrets. Sometimes I think you ask so much just to hear me say no so we can play this game and you still win while trying to make it seem like I am winning too. But I know better.
As you continue I feel your hands grope my hips till you catch the edge of my skirt and pull it down to my ankles. In exchange you slowly stand watching my naked body. I don’t look at you but keep my eyes closed and wait for this to be over. For a few minutes you seem content to simply tease my body with kisses and a soft caress. Though even the best of things must come to an end.
I have seen the sadist in you too often to forget now but this is your game and I have little choice but to comply. Your fingers intertwine in my hair again and you pull my body away from the wall and against yours, then we move as one toward the center of the room. This surprises me but again I do not resist. Your grip is not hurtful but know if I resist even for a moment it can become very painful. Cold stone presses against my lower back as I walk into the stone table.
Fear runs through me again. In the past you only use the table when you plan to hurt me. Frantically I rack my mind trying to figure out what I did this time to upset you so much more than usual. Nothing comes to mind and that only makes me feel worse. I want to start to beg you but as I open my lips to speak I feel yours press against mine. A soft moan escapes my lips as I feel your hands run down my stomach and between my thighs.
Its short lived as you gently force me to turn and face the stone bench. A blanket is there and I pull it closer so I might be spared some of the cold. I hear movement but I don’t dare turn around to satisfy my curiosity. Moments latter I feel your warm lips against the back of my neck and your hands on my hips. I fall back into your embrace and my bare skin meets your bare skin. My breath catches knowing its coming and that thought alone is almost enough to make me want to fight you.
You wait till I begin to relax slightly before you gently push me forward on the table. My imagination is working to a high degree because you have never done this with me before and I hate it when you are unpredictable. Some more sounds of movement and I feel your touch against my skin. Gently you’re holding me down so I can't fight you after this starts. Soft at first as if to deceive me, but then the illusion fades as I feel you start to enter me.
I bite my tongue to stop from screaming as you ram hard into me. Oddly enough despite the fear and pain you have caused I am wet and ready for you. My chest heaves and I whimper quietly before I realize you have not yet moved farther. I hold to maybe the last hope that you won't continue but I know better than that. I want to fight you and I barely suppress the urge to try, I know you will only make me pay for that much defiance.
You have never before seen the need to totally break me and I hope never to give you enough reason. My defiance of your control is what gets us to the game and though you might take me either way, I believe you enjoy the challenge I present you. I always submit, you always make me see it your way. But then I suppose there is a reason I keep coming back to you. A reason why I play this game. A reason why I don't tell you what you want to know right off instead of pushing it to this point.
Any choice I might of had was revoked when I refused to answer you. I have never let my pride lay aside to give you what you want before we come to this point. Each time you leave me bruised and in total submission, and each time you leave me alone just long enough for my defiance to return and get myself in trouble. For a moment the idea of begging you to tell me what I could do to make you stop, crosses my mind but again I swallow the question and close my eyes trying to brace myself for your punishment.
Slowly I can feel you begin to pull back out of me and I try hard to not pull away and incur any more punishment. I think maybe its not so bad, till you slam back in and this time I am not fast enough to stop myself from crying out. You grip my hips harder and pull me harder against you and for a moment all I can do is whimper. I think that maybe you like to hear me whimper because I can feel your hand move from my hips for only a moment to run a hand down my back, maybe to reassure me.
Your next few motions are still hard but its beginning not to hurt so much and I wonder if there is anyway that I might learn to enjoy this. I know if you enjoy it, that I will have no choice in the situation. I know this is not all about being nice or naughty, I know you like to try things, new ways to make me submit to you. Whatever it takes....
I finally find enough of a voice to speak softly, trying to keep the strain of the pain and the slow coming pleasure. I hate to let you know how much I fear you, and how much pain and pleasure you can cause me. My own words are enough of an admittance that you are getting to me. “…****ease…please… be…gentle…Sire....”
I don't think you have heard me and I am too terrified to look over my shoulder. If you are choosing to ignore my pleas then I know there will a sadistic smile of satisfaction. And if you truly did not hear me then I do not think I can push my pride down again to repeat it. I feel sick even having said the words in the first place.
My body starts shaking and I barely notice the pain that had once been there. I don’t want to think about anything, I try not to but I know that you are not done with me. My body is not my own, it never is when it comes to you, it always betrays me, but this time I can't seem to remember to care enough. Each time I try not to want it but you know how to make me submit each time, how much pain I need to finally bend and how much pleasure so that I don’t totally crack.
My mind is dazed as you pull out of me and take a step back. I dare not move till you give me permission. After several long seconds I feel you hand on my arm, encouraging me to turn and face you. I can feel you eyes raping me all over again, as if you are searching for something in the form of my body. I want to shrink form you and out of your reach but I know I will not be going anywhere
As I face you, I try not to show the emotions in my eyes but I know you can see right through me. Taking a chance, before my mind can tell me otherwise I softly reach up and kiss your neck once, then twice and gently run my hand down your chest and lightly grab your still hard penis. I gently pull and massage, hoping to maybe please you that way. I was about to drop to my knees for you but I can feel your hands grab my hair and neck roughly, pushing me back onto the table.
I don't think its so much that you don’t want my touch but you know if given the chance I would try to distract you from your plans. Only once have you let me return your touch, and it had not taken too much to make you forget for a while what kind of games we were playing. The idea had come from me in a moment of desperation in trying to avoid your touch, one of the only reasons I was able to swallow my pride and play by your rules.
That time I had almost thought I might actually win the game, when you snapped out of daze. You didn’t hit me then but I got more intensity from you than I would have wished for. Its what I get for still thinking on my own, so now I close my eyes and wait for you to hit me but it never comes. Your hand slowly untangles from my hair and I lean back on the table, stretching back to grip the top to keep myself in place.
I still have some major fear of what you might be planning but resisting is useless. You have shown me that there can be pleasure after the pain, and I am so addicted to both. I want to behave if only to not bring further punishment down upon myself. My bed sounds so good about now but you are not done and that promise alone is enough to make me curious and still hungry for more.
Part of me is ashamed of how much I am liking this, but I can't even hear that voice right now. Latter I will regret how much you control me, but right now, all I know is you and the pleasure, which has greatly out weighed the slight pain that remains as you slam into me full force. A gasp escapes my lips as I feel the difference in the intensity in which you use. I don't know if I angered you or you just can't wait to fuck me.
As the pain and pleasure once again start to become one I want to beg you not to stop but I fear you just might because I asked. Your body warm is such a contrast against the cooler table. I start to feel the first sparks of an orgasm coming and I grip my legs around you a little harder, trying to getting a little more penetration. I know I am crying and whimpering like a whore but I can't stop myself. The more my voice becomes strained I can feel you hammering me that much harder.
I can feel it ripe through me, and I arch my back under your weight at the second one coming. For a moment I lose track of everything but the feeling. As it recedes little I realize my hold on the table has loosened some, and I try to grip it again but most of my energy is spent. There is still so much pleasure as you slam into me, but I begin to wonder if your tear me in two, at this point it does not matter. After a moment I release my legs from around you and brace myself against the table. You still ride me but there is more resist and I can feel you trying to push further into me. I can feel my breast shake slightly at the change and my breath is a series of gasps.
Its not long now I feel you cum inside of me. Slowly you pull out of me and lean against the table. Closing my eyes I try to calm my breathing. After a moment I hear you move to sit on the floor. I don't know if its because you don't like to touch me once your done, or if you think its at least a small curitasy you can do for me.
“Are you done fighting me yet? Or do you need another lesson.”
Your voice sounds so calm but it does not fool me. A chill runs down my spine and even with an apparent threat I still talk a moment to think it over. Moaning softly I roll over on to my side. When I hear you stand up, I open my eyes. You reach out your hand to me. At first I flinch but then reach out to accept your offer to help me off the table. My legs are still a little unsteady and I fall against your chest till I regain my balance.
“Upstairs... my bag.... the directions are in there..... you know I can't go with you.... Your window is in three days.... at supper..... you will have a two hour opening... don't miss it.....”
I watch you nod in acknowledgment. Stepping carefully away from you, I walk over to the wall where a second set of clothes is hanging for me. Dressing as quickly as my battered body will allow, I try not to look at you. Last thing I do is pull a hair band in my hair to keep it out of my face. I will need make up for the bruises but I will have to worry about that later. Stepping up to the door I take a deep breath before opening the door.
“We will be in touch.....”
I don't acknowledge his words. Shutting the door behind me I make my way up the stairs and into the evening sun. As I walk I wonder to myself if he realizes the trap he will be walking into. A small smile comes to my lips thinking about you at her my for once... It would seem the rules might be changing to my favor....