The Day Everything Went Wrong (humor)
i wrote this a few year ago
its a work of fiction
It all started at five forty-five yesterday morning, when my alarm clock woke me up from a strange dream about a homicidal marshmallow. It was just getting to the point when I would find out how it was going to get up the stairs, and I heard the annoying beep-beep, beep-beep of the sadistic collection of wires and springs that currently lived next to my bedside lamp.
I remember that my first coherent thought was 'OW!' when I managed to get toothpaste in my eye fifteen minutes after physically getting up. My mind is always a bit slow to catch up with the goings-on, probably to prevent me from hiding in the closet and locking the door every morning. Or should I say afternoon? I rarely get up before noon when the choice arises, but then again those days aren't normally days to dread. No school then, you see.
Anyway, after vigorously poking myself in the eye to rid it of the unwelcome invader, in this case the toothpaste, I hunted down my contact lens on the carpet and rinsed it off the best I could. Student's Law- Your contact lens is most likely to fall on the ground when you most need it and have run out of solution. Another fact that you probably don't even have to ask how I know, is that chlorine and eyes mix much better than you want them too.
Another fifteen minutes later, I was energetically rubbing my eye with one hand and pouring a substance that I assumed was coffee with the other. A few milliseconds later, I was using that hand to wipe up everything that had spilled when the cup got knocked over. Another Student's Law- Coffee is your friend, coffee cups are not.
It was six fifteen now, and I had to be out to the bus stop in a few minutes. Five, to be exact, and I still had to find my backpack, homework, shoes, not to mention all my books spread out all over the house. Running up the stairs, I slipped on several stray papers, probably necessary ones. Yep, I recognized my five page book report that's due today. Since it was now floating down the stairwell in about three hundred small pieces (don't ask me how that happened), I doubted that it would get into the teacher's homework tray today. Conveniently, it had been handwritten instead of typed, so it was the only copy I had. Of course, that might have turned out to be a good thing because if it had been on the computer, the whole thing would doubtless have crashed.
So, when I finally got out the door, the bus had just pulled away from the stop and I was left either walking or running after it and hoping it would return for me. Since I wasn't awake enough to sprint, I opted to stroll along. I would get to school earlier this way anyway, as the bus driver frequently lost the way and had to turn around every five minutes.
This is pretty much the way my day went, from before dawn (when I got up) to whenever it was I went to bed last night, and is probably the way today will go as well.
