I need advice on strict Christian Parents.

Ok so I am 19 years old college student living with parents. My parents are very conservative Christians, goes to church every Sunday etc. They recently found out i have having sex, well more like my mom asked and i was stupid and gave it away.(no pun intended) So they know and they are making my life a living hell. I get lectured constantly about i am living in sin, i am damned to hell. I guess it isn't too bad, just really tense. My mom started to scold me again because my master doesn't pick me up anymore, but that is because of these two reasons. This is the main reason is because is works a hard labor job outside 8am-6pm and when i go over to his house we fall asleep so when it's time to take me home at 11 (curfew for when he drives when i drive my curfew is 10;30 no matter what) and a couple weeks ago he could barely get up and take me home because he was tired, and i had to call my parents to see if they could pick me up but they couldn't and he had to time me home once he finally could wake up, but this pissed off my parents he couldn't take me home so i have been driving over there. Makes sense until my mom asked me why he doesn't pick me up anymore? How contradicting is that? It's like well you want me to drive because he is too tired but yet you still want him to pick me up? The second reason is because he doesn't wanna face my parents, i mean would you? they can be scary. my mom thinks he is ashamed and he is taking advantage of me (right mom thats why i am also on top of him wanting sex..lol no i didn't say that). There is a tenseness in the house as u can see and so far i have been getting lectured but i am afraid what else they might do, stop me from seeing my master? I love him and he loves me, and i refuse to break up because they want us to. I would move out but the car i drive belongs to my mom and i would have no way of paying for another car, car insurance, health insurance, rent, and school. I have no one to turn to, i would ask my brother to talk to them but he is Catholic and I am sure he would side with her. I am lost I have no clue what to do, i guess things will get better but i need words of encourage maybe some advice, i feel like i can turn to you guys. It feels better getting all of this out.

PS- and no my parents don't know our relationship is a BDSM relationship, who knows what other hellish things might break loose.

Difficult situation... and not an easy one to get out of to my mind.

Though if I were you I would at least check out the legal ages of consent in your area (I assume it is the US somewhere as you say college not university) and the age of majority. You see, in this country it is 18 for most things (currently 16 to be able to consent to sex) and that means a greater deal of legal freedom for someone in your position. If it is the US then I suspect it is 21 (I know it is this in some states for drinking, not sure what it is for sex at all - anyone know?)

One thing you need to consider is how your parents actually feel about this. Forget the catholic morals, think about them as parents. They see you growing up. They think you are thier little girl. They probably never wanted to know about you having sex. I bet you never want to think about them having sex? I know I still have trouble thinking about my parents having sex... its common to families, I hate thinking about my little sister having sex even though she is now in her 20's and has a baby. Trust me, the instinct to protect a child or other family member is strong in most humans and often bypasses the parts of the brain that govern common sense and intellect. I know this because I have often had these feelings and the intellectual part of my brain is still there, sitting in the background saying 'Excuse me... er this is a bit silly, isn't it. Why don't you sit down and... oh, never mind' :)

They want to protect you from the big bad world, this is a strong instinct. They simply do not realise (emotionally if not intellectually) that you are a grown up now who is responsible for her own actions. Your mother asked because she felt she had to, even though she realised she may not like the answer you gave. Now she knows and it is difficult for her (and your father who I assume also knows now, unless your mother is keeping a confidence) to get to grips with this. It will take them time to adjust and you have to ride out the storm for now. It may help to try to compromise and make the transition easier for them and you - try not to cause scenes or look for arguments, keep family committments, be the dutifiul daughter or son we all have to be. Eventually they will come round to the idea as all parents eventually have to. Our family has weathered at least one storm like this and it wasn't all that long (a few months) before my other sister was allowed back into the family fold and even allowed to bring her girlfriends to dinner.

And I would not suggest introducing the idea of BDSM yet, either... if at all, ever. Definitely agree with you on that one :) Though you may be surprised, one friend of mine 'came out' to her parents only to have her parents 'come out' to her as well at the same time in a 'Oh, you too?' sort of way. However, I think this was a rare one off thing :)

And of course the Catholic church has a fine old tradition of BDSM behind it. I think they invented most of the concepts in the lifestyle - the St Andrews cross, the rack, the choke pear, the scolds bridal, manacles, flagellation... :)

thanks fetishdj i feel a little better reading that. But i need to clarify that my parents aren't catholic just my brother, my parents are Christians, don't ask me what kind, lol. Also when i say parents i mean my mom and step father. My mom remarried when i was 12, and they started dating when i was 10 i believe so he isn't my real father but i am suppose to respect him like he is... right. But i thought to clear that up. Thanks for the advice i will keep that in mind.

OK, not sure it makes a difference - father/step father, catholic/other denomination of Christian (wow, surprised your brother isn't the real outcast here... catholics and protestents have an uncomfortable history :) ). The advice above still applies. Everything I have read so far suggests that they are reacting as normal parents rather than doing anything really insane like some religious parents might. Just be patient. It will be hard, I know, but they will relent eventually.

Like fetishdj said, it is not particualarly a matter of religion but more or less your parents and how they want to raise you.

I agree that sitting down and talking to them about what they expect of you and what you should offer them. This way, they can see that you are mature enough to handle things on your own, and make proper decisions and follow rules.

I do know that if you are living in your parents house, using thier car, etc... then you should follow thier rules.
It was always the rule at my house. I wouldn't have even been allowed to date at nineteen, if I was still living at home.
I know it is hard to be on the verge of adulthood and still have rules to follow, but as long as you are responsible, and you know your parents well enough to know what they want.

I wouldn't really be bringing up the subject of BDSM, or sex either, it just causes tension between everyone. I would have your boyfriend over for short periods of time just so that he does not look like he is hiding. Maybe suggest to your parents that he is a bit intimidated by them. It might help I am not entirely sure. Only you know best how they would react to such things.

Eventually you will move out and be on your own, for now, stay the course, and try your best to maintain a good working relationship with your parents.

We could talk about the theory and principle of this matter for days and days, but the simple facts are that you are being supported by your parents and therefore subject to their authority. What they say goes until you and your boyfriend have the means as adults to make your own way.

Until that time, I would suggest that the best course of action is for you and your Master to simply represent yourselves and your case in the most mature way possible (i.e., state how you're feeling but refrain from getting combative when your parents don't happen to agree or accept). If your mother asked about you having sex, and you (even if only for a moment) felt at least comfortable enough to answer her, perhaps there is room to develop conversation there. Let her know this is something you would like her insight on, even if you may not see eye to eye. Perhaps ask her to to talk to you more about her religious views on the subject, flesh them out so to speak. Show her you're interested and that you're at least considering what she and your dad have to say before making your decisions on sex etc.. It's harder for anyone to judge and point fingers when they know the person they are trying to lay guilt on has actually considered their point of view and is still chossing to engage thier life in the way they choose. If you engage her on the topic conversationally, the tension may lessen and you may have an opportunity to ask quesions and show her where you are coming from as well. I find when people (anyone, not just parents) lecture, it is because they also feel they are not being understood and thus go straight for the "I'll tell you what to do because I can and it's easier than trying to explain" tactic.

As for your boyfriend, whether he wants to "face" them or not, I think it's a good idea that he do it. Your parents are right to suspect there is something he is ashamed of if this guy is shying away from contact with them. Being as the driving situation seems complicated, perhaps instead of picking you up to take to his house, he can drive over and spend some time just at your house. I know that'll suck the fun right out of an evening of sex, or it may even cut the evening short if he has to go home early and get to bed, but doing that once every couple of weeks won't hurt anyone and will do a world of good in building respect between the boyfriend and the parents.

thank you everyone for these words of wisdom, i feel comfort by them and i won't do anything rash, really you have no idea how good it feels to be able to talk to someone and i can be completely blunt, i feel safe here.

^ Right on Amber! You continue to impress me!

Amber is right, until you can support yourself, you cannot expect to be in charge of yourself. Then again, someone will always have authority over you--whether it be your boss, the law, God, etc.

One thing does strkes me oddly, though. How can your man be your Dom, yet he is uneasy around your parents? A person who claims to be a Dom/Domme should not feel uneasy or uncertain in any situation. It sounds as though you're both very young and inexperienced. I don't mean to sound condescending. I also was very young once and had little experience (in fact, at your age, I knew nothing about BDSM). I am not suggesting that your Dom should stand up and proclaim his status to your 'rents, but he should at least do his best to ensure that he is not complicating your life while you are under their control.

Even though I am 32 years old, out of respect for my 'rents, I would most certainly not "come out" regarding Our BDSM relationship. However, they've seen her collar and the way she has suddenly started dressing for me, and I am certain that they are not ignorant to the subject. But, while I'm certain that they know "what we're up to", they also see that we're living well and love each other very much (in fact, I think they might be envious of Us (they're recently divorced)).


I guess I should get to the point here and summarize what I think about the subject!

But I need to know more about you before I can advise you. How long have you been dating? How long have you been into BDSM? How long has he been into BDSM? How soon do you intend to be out from underneath the control of your 'rents? What are your future plans for your own life and how much do your future plans involve your Dom?

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Originally Posted by Mr.FixIt

One thing does strkes me oddly, though. How can your man be your Dom, yet he is uneasy around your parents? A person who claims to be a Dom/Domme should not feel uneasy or uncertain in any situation. It sounds as though you're both very young and inexperienced.

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Huh? I don't want to be rude but this statement is a bit too much for me. A Dom(me) is only human too with his/her insecurities. Parents in law are a big thing, and whether your a Dom or not, it's never easy to meet them, especially when they are known to be difficult about a relationship. I would rather see my Dom's insecurities than him owning/claiming every situation. Better yet the ones I did go out with (including my ex husband) who were "in control" were selfcentric bastards and didn't give a sh*t about the world. No I would rather have a Dom that has his insecurities, that makes him human to me. Domming the world and Domming me is a total different thing.

I agree. The sense I get is that this Dom is new to all this and so may not yet have found the confidence he needs to be the Dom you think he should be. He may also be staying away out of a desire to not make the situation worse than it already is (even if that is apparently causing a problem) by avoiding the possibly inevitable and explosive confrontation that will result if he spends too long with the parents. Its possibly a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. A confrontation may air all the problems and clear the air a little but it is also likely to lead to a lot more trouble for the OP in the long run and may even precipitate a situation where she is forced to leave home.

As an aside, I feel this thread has highlighted a major difference between the UK and the USA. By 19 I had already moved out of my parent's house and considered that they had no say on what I did or who with. They had the right to comment and I would listen to their advice but not the right to outright forbid. But, by 18 in this country you are considered to be legally responsible for your own actions. Is this not the case in USA or is it the later age of 21?

mysc and FixIt: I see both your points. You're right mysc, I'd rather see the real person than the persona, and Doms are *gasp* people too. I also think, however, that part of evolving into a good and experienced Dom is to be willing to deal with these insecurities to both grow as a person and to help with the difficulties your sub is going through.

Also a good point, fetishdj, that the Dom in question may not know what to do in this situation. He may not even be aware his absense IS a situation. Since we have the poster here and not her Dom, I would suggest that HisandHisOnly make it very clear what she would like her Dom to do to help her. I'm not saying command him or pressure him, certainly not, but communication is essential in any relationship and if her parents are putting pressure on her for something he could help with, I would hope she would share that with him. If it's a concern enough to post, it's a concern enough to lay out for your Dom. Then, it's up to him to respond or not. EVen if the parents don't relax, both Dom and sub will have the satisfaction of knowing they communicated and tried to help each other out.

And 18 is legal age here as well, fetishdj. Quite a few kids are out of the house by then and on thier own, but there are many who do choose to stay so mom and dad can help with money etc during college. Personal preference between individuals.

Ah, that makes sense. Thanks. Actually, I suspect this is happening more and more in this country as well as it is more expensive to go to university and we no longer get the free student grants (loans all the way now...) so more and more are choosing to go to a local university and stay at home. In my day (back when dinosaurs walked the earth and there was this new thing called a c-ompu-ter which every one was raving about) every student's main desire was to get as far away from thier parents as possible and live in a scrotty little room for three years living off pizza and beer. Now I think most want the home comforts :)

Amber, most of what I posted about the OP's situation above already assumed that he was aware of the situation and her feelings about it. I may have been mistaken in making that assumption so your points about communication are well made. Though I am not sure it is a situation of 'him needing to do something' (like, I dunno, ride in on a white horse and sort everything out) but rather him being aware of what is going on, being suitably (and if required quietly) supportive and presenting the best possible image of both him and thier relationship to the parents so that they are comfortable with what is going on. As I said above, I think direct action would risk precipitating a major incident which could make things a lot worse.

Hmm... I can see another thread spinning of this one... off to post it now...

"I agree. The sense I get is that this Dom is new to all this and so may not yet have found the confidence he needs to be the Dom you think he should be. He may also be staying away out of a desire to not make the situation worse than it already is (even if that is apparently causing a problem) by avoiding the possibly inevitable and explosive confrontation that will result if he spends too long with the parents. Its possibly a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. A confrontation may air all the problems and clear the air a little but it is also likely to lead to a lot more trouble for the OP in the long run and may even precipitate a situation where she is forced to leave home.

As an aside, I feel this thread has highlighted a major difference between the UK and the USA. By 19 I had already moved out of my parent's house and considered that they had no say on what I did or who with. They had the right to comment and I would listen to their advice but not the right to outright forbid. But, by 18 in this country you are considered to be legally responsible for your own actions. Is this not the case in USA or is it the later age of 21?"

fetishdj in the USA most people when they turn 18 in the USA they will move out but not all the time. I have not moved out because My mom and I guess I don't feel ready for me to be out on my own. I'm not mature enough. Mr Fix It you need to meet my parents to understand why my dom can't meet then, lolz. They can be scary at times, also the fact he knows how they don't like him.So myscis right, it's hard to meet parents. We have known each other since freshman in high school(I'm 19 and he is 20) been dating for 8 months on May 5th, and we have been into BDSM for 2 or 3 months now. We are kinda new at this. I am going to see if he can post his opinion on here, i asked him if he could come take a look at this cause you all give such wonderful advice.

HisandHisOnly you are in a very typical situation here for the age you are at. As fetihj stated, no parent wants to think of their little girl having sex, that’s just natural. Being the age of consent does not mean the age of maturity and lack of maturity is simply lack of experience. So both of you have the chance to learn and grow here. I have to agree with DowntownAmber, try to let your parents get to know him, people are easier to like and harder to demonize when we know them. ..Good luck.

"One thing does strkes me oddly, though. How can your man be your Dom, yet he is uneasy around your parents? A person who claims to be a Dom/Domme should not feel uneasy or uncertain in any situation. It sounds as though you're both very young and inexperienced. I don't mean to sound condescending. I also was very young once and had little experience (in fact, at your age, I knew nothing about BDSM). I am not suggesting that your Dom should stand up and proclaim his status to your 'rents, but he should at least do his best to ensure that he is not complicating your life while you are under their control."

When you keep it all in context, it's easier to understand what Mr.FixIt is saying here. He's not expecting a Dom/me to be nonhuman...he's saying that this one sounds like he's not mature as a Dom. He has to be a MAN first, and that means doing things that he may not like to do...such as not hiding himself from her parents. Hiding himself (staying out of their way) is not going to help HisandHisOnly's parents trust either of them. If some guy came by and picked up my daughter without saying "hello," i would have to wonder why...and what they're up to. This complicates her situation because the less her parents trust her, the more confrontational they will become, asking more questions and showing more disapproval. Some of our insecurities have to be dealt with, no matter who we are.


HisandHisOnly,

ALL parents are scary. Master and i scare every child that comes around. We're probably just as strict as your parents. From one strict parent to one child of strict parents, i am here to tell you that this way is dishonest. Period. When your parents see you being dishonest in this way, they wonder what else you're being dishonest about. Then you feel the need to stretch the truth. The situation is then perpetuated. That's no way to start out in any relationship.

A boyfriend is already distrusted before the parents even meet him. He has to earn their trust (here's a good one for the trust thread lol), and that's a daunting task!

Maybe it's not right, but that's simply the way it is. You raise a beautiful daughter, teach her, mold her, help her be a lady, teach her about woman things, doctor her owies and support her in all she does, and then she (how dare her!) starts seeing boys. Doesn't matter what boy, he's not ever good enough for your baby girl. Never will be. We want you to grow up, get a great job, get married and have us grandbabies (in THAT order), but that guy will not make the grade...not even after 10 years of marriage! However, he'll be closer than he is now...unless you're dishonest.

I hated being the one who heard the parents: "That boy is only after one thing. He's using you...etc"

I also had the pleasure of hearing him griping about my parents all the time...it became the main topic of nearly every conversation that he and i had.

So, then i was the the one in the middle, and every moment of my day was spent with this issue on my mind.

i think you should get this all out on the table, if you're planning any type of long-term relationship. I'm not saying to spill everything, but you need to talk it out with all involved. Find out what might help your parents loosen up...ask them what you can do to help them feel more comfortable with your boyfriend...and ask what he can do as well. Not that you have to do what they say, but you could try and compromise a bit with them about it. Don't expect much, but it shows that you're trying.

If you let it all just keep going as it stands, the situation will deteriorate. It will drive a wedge between you and your parents, as well as you and your boyfriend.

Good luck!

-stripey

This is a tough question, depending on your state law and most state law at 18 you are a legal Adult on thr oher hand you live withyour parents
i lived with mine til my early 20's and one thing they instilled in me, was that no matter what they loved me, but they also said, do as you wish, go where you wish be with you you wish but if you get into trouble, busted ect, DO NOT CALL US to bail you out, either fromjsil or the trouble itself
I leanred to be carefull with what i did, who i was with andi was brough up in what i would term a liberal family
There was little as an adutl i was not allowed to do ib or out of the house
but my dad always reminded me "I do not care if you are 15, 18 or 25, if you remain in the house with your mom and me livinghere, there are rules to be followed, you do not have to like therules but you have to follow them"
I leanred over theyears as an adult even at 18, that some thing i did that wee legal, fun ect my parents did not like, but they also respected thefact that aside from living with them, that i was an adult

i wouls try if you can to sit down with your parents and be honest, tell them you know how they feel you respect that, you may not agree but you respect that, that alone is worh thetalk, be honest and tell them how you fell and find out exaclty why they feel like they do, then if you can take it 1 step further and asked how they did things when they were your age, did they do things their parents thought were sinful and if so what did they do
give it time, repsct trheir feelings, but even as a 19 year old adult, youstil live undr their room, they feed you give you place to sleep at night, so you also need to respectthat
i hope this bit of advice helps you a little and good luck
Remember bakc when they were teens not knowing how old they were they may have loved Frank Sinatra as a singer, their parents may not have, in thr 50's thesame thing with Elvis some kids loved him their parents did not, as time goes on and has gone on gnenerations like different things and they need to also remember that 2008 is different then say 1960 or 1970 to 2 different gnenerations, 2 different set of belifs and likes an dislikes when ou get married and have kids time will be that they will do what you are not happy with, just like yourt parents are now

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Originally Posted by HisandHisOnly

"I agree. The sense I get is that this Dom is new to all this and so may not yet have found the confidence he needs to be the Dom you think he should be. He may also be staying away out of a desire to not make the situation worse than it already is (even if that is apparently causing a problem) by avoiding the possibly inevitable and explosive confrontation that will result if he spends too long with the parents. Its possibly a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. A confrontation may air all the problems and clear the air a little but it is also likely to lead to a lot more trouble for the OP in the long run and may even precipitate a situation where she is forced to leave home.

As an aside, I feel this thread has highlighted a major difference between the UK and the USA. By 19 I had already moved out of my parent's house and considered that they had no say on what I did or who with. They had the right to comment and I would listen to their advice but not the right to outright forbid. But, by 18 in this country you are considered to be legally responsible for your own actions. Is this not the case in USA or is it the later age of 21?"

fetishdj in the USA most people when they turn 18 in the USA they will move out but not all the time. I have not moved out because My mom and I guess I don't feel ready for me to be out on my own. I'm not mature enough. Mr Fix It you need to meet my parents to understand why my dom can't meet then, lolz. They can be scary at times, also the fact he knows how they don't like him.So myscis right, it's hard to meet parents. We have known each other since freshman in high school(I'm 19 and he is 20) been dating for 8 months on May 5th, and we have been into BDSM for 2 or 3 months now. We are kinda new at this. I am going to see if he can post his opinion on here, i asked him if he could come take a look at this cause you all give such wonderful advice.

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Ok wait a minute here - am I the only one seeing this??

She wants her parents to support her, pay for her car, her insurance, her rent, her food and all in all, her well being, but doesn't think they should have a say in her life?

Sorry to say it......but, suck it up hunnie, life's full of trade off's, if you continue to Use their support, you continue to live by their rules simply.....you know that age old saying: "As long as you live in my house........" Still stands today.

Second goes to the above bolded point - you're not mature enough to move out and be an adult, but you're mature enough to be having sex?? and more BDSM sex? *shakes head*

Hard but simple: Grow up or Grow out - You'd be far more hard pressed were you my daughter ;)

p.s.: I'm neither Christian nor Religious and don't believe this should be shouldered by the Religious sect

gem, you're a gem! She hit it on the head, y'all. I remember my Dad saying, "whatever you do in your own home when you move out is your business, and I'll have nothing at all to say about it. But while you're living in my house, eating my food, wearing the clothes that I bought you, you'll do what I tell you to do!"

When i moved out, and had my own place, he never once said a word about how i conducted myself...unless i was visiting at his house.

Guess what? I tell my teenager the same thing.

We've all been trying to be the adult advisors helping out a youngster, and while i've seen some damn good advice, no one has put it all to the point quite like gem here.

Take a deep breath, HisandHisOnly, hold your chin up, and realize that you've got it easy right now.

You're taking for granted that your parents are investing A LOT of time, effort and dinero IN YOU! What a blessing that is! I cannot afford to send my kiddo to college. Your parents aparently can afford it (or are sacrificing A LOT to afford it), and are choosing to do this for you. What do they get in return? When your career is going well are you gonna start paying their way thru life like they've done for you for the last 19 years?? NO, and they wouldn't want that...so it must all be just for you!

Have you ever wondered how much money they've shelled out for you over the years? Ever been to the dentist? Did ya get braces? $4-6 grand right there. Ever break a bone? $1 grand, plus follow-ups. Did you buy your own car?? Did you graduate High School? Go to prom? Senior pix? Senior trip? All of these things cost your parents time, money, and sometimes their sanity.

Maybe you should be more appreciative of what they've done for you, and what they're still doing for you, because they're not doing it for anyone's benefit but yours!

and at 19 this have NO legal obligation to do anything for you, this does not mean there is no love there, what it means is it is stillthere house ,their rules whether you are 19 or 29 or 39 i had to move back home years ago, i was 35, they again said "Our House, Our Rules" i had no "restictions on me per say being 30, but i still had to abide by their rules, and no i did not like it abit, but then irealized, i has a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, food to eat and a place to wash my clothes, could be worse you could be homelss, i have been there it is NO fun

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Originally Posted by stripedangel

I hated being the one who heard the parents: "That boy is only after one thing. He's using you...etc"

I also had the pleasure of hearing him griping about my parents all the time...it became the main topic of nearly every conversation that he and i had.

So, then i was the the one in the middle, and every moment of my day was spent with this issue on my mind.

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Ahem...just to let you know...this one was an ex husband, not Mr.FixIt...and my parents were right!

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Originally Posted by mastersgem

Ok wait a minute here - am I the only one seeing this??

She wants her parents to support her, pay for her car, her insurance, her rent, her food and all in all, her well being, but doesn't think they should have a say in her life?

Sorry to say it......but, suck it up hunnie, life's full of trade off's, if you continue to Use their support, you continue to live by their rules simply.....you know that age old saying: "As long as you live in my house........" Still stands today.

Second goes to the above bolded point - you're not mature enough to move out and be an adult, but you're mature enough to be having sex?? and more BDSM sex? *shakes head*

Hard but simple: Grow up or Grow out - You'd be far more hard pressed were you my daughter ;)

p.s.: I'm neither Christian nor Religious and don't believe this should be shouldered by the Religious sect

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I agree with you there, gem. I remember when I brought my first fiance home the first time (my ex-husband). I was almost 26 and had been sleeping with him for almost a year and they still made us sleep in separate rooms. And then the shit hit the fan when my father caught us making out. In my family sex was never discussed and it was implied that I would remain a virgin until I got married. OOPS! Of course, my brother was another story, since he and his girlfriends could make out for hours in his room with the door closed. Don't you love double standards? And yes, I know it was because my parents felt that was protecting me since I was the one who get pregnant. However, that wasn't the way I saw it at the time. I just felt that it was unfair to have such a double standard.

I also agree with you in that when you live under your parents' roof you abide by their rules. You want to be treated like a mature adult, then you act like a mature adult. It's the only way to earn their respect and for them to start relaxing their rules. If you don't, then they are going to keep you on an even tighter leash, because they will feel that they can't trust you yet to make mature decisions in your life. You continue to act like a child and they will continue to treat you like a child.

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Originally Posted by mysc

Huh? I don't want to be rude but this statement is a bit too much for me. A Dom(me) is only human too with his/her insecurities. Parents in law are a big thing, and whether your a Dom or not, it's never easy to meet them, especially when they are known to be difficult about a relationship. I would rather see my Dom's insecurities than him owning/claiming every situation. Better yet the ones I did go out with (including my ex husband) who were "in control" were selfcentric bastards and didn't give a sh*t about the world. No I would rather have a Dom that has his insecurities, that makes him human to me. Domming the world and Domming me is a total different thing.

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I am just plain dying to defend myself here, but my defense will most certainly distract the focus from the original post. Therefore, please refer to the new thread "Dominance in Life vs. Dominance in Relationships" for my response.

However, HisandHisOnly, I agree woth Mastersgem and Stripey on all levels of their advice to you. Give it time, and you and your boyfriend might do well together, if you make the right decisions. Just take your time. I still call myself "fairly new" to the scene, but I have been in to it for a couple of years--not a couple of months. 'Nuff said!

Mastergem well when you put it that way, yeah I must must follow parents rules when they are supporting me, I'm sure i sounded like a spoiled brat above. Things have gotten a little better. My mom and I had a huge fight Saturday but things have gotten better.It's funny though she saids things can work out between my boyfriend and myself but sounds like she wants me to take him to church.......oh dear this isn't going to be good.

Good luck with all this, I hope it works out for you. I don't know what your Master is like but I can certainly imagine what it would be like if some family tried to take me to church... though I tend to get into trouble for discussing theology with the minister/priest... A catholic school education (complete with compulsory GCSE in RE in which I scored higher than all the rest of the class) can be a wonderful thing :)

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Originally Posted by HisandHisOnly

Mastergem well when you put it that way, yeah I must must follow parents rules when they are supporting me, I'm sure i sounded like a spoiled brat above. Things have gotten a little better. My mom and I had a huge fight Saturday but things have gotten better.It's funny though she saids things can work out between my boyfriend and myself but sounds like she wants me to take him to church.......oh dear this isn't going to be good.

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*hugs hunnie* you're young with immeasurable time ahead and going slow and maybe even trying to see where your mother is coming from might be a good start - how about stop fighting and talk to her like an adult - put your petty 'highschool' crap away and make her a cup of tea and talk it through - you might be surprised by how much she has learned since you were 16 ;)

You're in a very difficult situation. I don't think I have any particular advice that could help you out, all I can think of is, if living with your parents has become so uncomfortable as to not be able to cope with it, you should get a job and start saving money so you can move out. It's a very difficult decision to make, not very easy to do, but I don't see any other way out. As I said, the other choice is to put up with it until you can become truly independent.

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Originally Posted by fetishdj

And I would not suggest introducing the idea of BDSM yet, either... if at all, ever. Definitely agree with you on that one :)

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Totally agree!!

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Originally Posted by fetishdj

Though you may be surprised, one friend of mine 'came out' to her parents only to have her parents 'come out' to her as well at the same time in a 'Oh, you too?' sort of way. However, I think this was a rare one off thing :)

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That's really impressive!!! I think that could be one in a million... or maybe the ONLY time such thing has occurred.

Certainly the only time I have heard it happen... though I do wonder if some of the attitudes required for this lifestyle may be inheritable :)

My mother is the exact same, Christian parents can be far to controlling and strict, and there's not really much you can do when you're living with them, because they can really see your every move and know exactly what you're doing.

It's a horrible situation to be in, but just don't tell them anything else, I've refused to admit any kind of sexual behavior to this day... it all depends on what your mother is like though, because I know if I sat down and talked to mine about things she'd just be even angrier lol

Like a lot of other people have said, the best thing to do is probably just to move out.
Start saving up and leave home asap, that way things can sort themselves out... otherwise you're relationship with your parents will just get worse and worse, whereas if you're not there the entire time things should even out a little bit - and you can live your own life more ;)

Hi. I have actually experienced something VERY VERY similar, except from the other side. My guy's parents are conservative christians (so are mine, but they realize that at 21, I get to make my OWN decisions). They lecture both of us all the time about how "Jesus is watching" and such...

My advice is just to ignore it. They are not trying to be mean or controlling, they're just trying to avoid you growing up. Be as understanding as you can be, but, this is a big one, move out as soon as you can. Part of the reason your mom probably feels you are not mature enough to be on your own is because you don't stand up for yourself and say you will. I realize that moving out on your own is hard (both Me and the guy had to do that), but it is well worth it.

Also, I agree that coming out about the BDSM nature of your relationship is not a very good idea. I have come clean with my parents, but I also have a very close relationship with them... and at this point, it would probably conjure up images of you being abused, which would definitely not help the situation. Don't LIE to them, but just don't talk about it.