Gambling on a story

I feel like I'm gambling and in a real crap shoot, and I'm asking for help.
My 1st. story was a disaster, and I think my 2nd. story was a winner. (Not many responses, so it's a guess.) So my history points up and down. Now I'd going to try something completely different. I started a 3rd. story, fell in love with a character and just followed where she lead. I don't know if I pulled it off or ground it into the dust. I don't have the history or the experience to point me in the right direction.
Feed back would be much appreciated. Just 1-2 words would do me: Post, Rework, Start over. I'd settle for Yes or No.

I've got a femdom and it's long, so if anybody wants to bail, now's the time to do it.

2 chapters for set up. Good stuff starts chapter 3. Last 2 are sketched out.

If anyone wants to give it a shot, it's both below and in an attachment.

So.....Thanks to anyone who wants to take a look at it.
Much appreciated.

TG (Thomas_g50)




Tales of Rome 2: Salidia and Lydia
by
TG





Chapter 1

Laying in Supplies



Salidia was bored, but was taking the opportunity to just sit back and relax. Salidia, her men, and the slaves she had just bought, were on a Phoenician galley on the return trip from a port town up the coast from her villa in Abbalo. She had gone up the coast to buy slaves, where she had gotten 20, as well as an exquisitely soft wool gown for herself, and a tunic for Selenius made of the same luxurious wool.
She and the men with her were lounging on boxes, on the deck, leaning on the rail, etc., just lolling the time away until the journey was over. All but the mercenaries with her. She idly noted that everyone with her took the opportunity to relax, but her mercenaries began to fidget. She thought, "Those guys have always got ants in their pants. They can't just sit down and relax." Then, she noted, even they too had settled back down again
She stopped breathing and her stomach knotted up. One of the mercenaries was trying to signal Talig with his eyes! Taking her cue from the mercenary, she maintained her casual position. Finally the mercenary caught Talig's attention. Then he flashed his eyes toward the Phoenicians who were gathered at the front of the ship. Talig face went angry, but he didn't shift position. He started to try to covertly attract the attention of the other ex gladiators. Last to be warned were the veterans. None of the men outwardly acted alarmed, but all had casually shifted position to be with reach of their weapons. Talig causally sauntered over to the ship's rail a few feet from Salidia and gazed out at the sea, and a minute later Caius, Talig's best friend and 2nd. fastest of the gladiators went to piss off the side of the boat on the other side of Salidia.
The Phoenicians started to drift back toward them in 2's and 3's. They out numbered Salidia's men 3 to 1. But their advantage was more apparent than real. Her men were all battle hardened, several of them the best of the best at what they did. She had 4 ex-gladiators, all who had earned the rudis, the wood sword symbolizing freedom after surviving years in the arena. Talig had been the best Solaritare in anybodies memory. Five of her other men were mercenaries, and the last 3 were veterans of the Legions. All had been hand picked by Talig.
As the last group of Phoenicians were causally working their way behind Salidia's men, the calm scene sprung into a blur of moving men. The Phoenicians had been pretending to coil rope, shift cargo boxes, fix rigging, etc, while they waited for the last group of their men to get in position behind Salidia's men. But before the last group of Phoenicians were in place, Salidia's men struck first, springing on the Phoenicians with their weapons in their hands while the Phoenicians still had coils of rope or freight boxes, etc., in their hands. Caius who had just taken a leak off the side of the boat moved to stand in front of Salidia and stood there the whole time of the fight, initially delaying a group of 3 until a Legionaire charged them from the back. Talig was the most amazing, He killed the group of 3 Phoenicians nearest him before the 3rd had the time to take 1 step, and then sprung at the backs of the group which had surrounded the veteran who had just interputed their assault on Salidia. There Talig killed 2, stabbing one in the back before he knew Talig was behind him and the second in the side as he wheeled too late to face the gladiator, while the veteran killed the 3rd. Then Talig turned again and started for 2 Phoenicians in the front who were also heading in the direction of Salidia. Seeing him coming, they stopped in their tracks, and dropped their weapons. It was the same blinding speed that Salidia had seen time and again in the Colosseum. The first time Talig had appeared in the arena, the crowd hadn't cheered. The whole Colosseum went dead silent. Then it erupted in thunderous roars. He was the fastest man anybody ever remembered seeing. He was Rome's equivalent of a gun fighter from our Old West. He had incomparable speed.
In less then half a minute, more than half the Phoenicians were dead and the others had dropped their weapons. The Phoenicians had planned on surprising Salidia's men, but her men had turned the tables on them, surprising the Phoenicians first and catching them while they were still engaged in their diversionary, fake tasks.
Salidia walked up to the Phoenician captain and stood inches from his face. In a low voice she snarled, "You're going to pay for that." "Put him in with the slaves."
She looked across the deck of the ship, the dead bodies of the sailors laying where they fell, and she felt 10' tall. Like any winner of a fight before her or since her, her ego was puffed up and she felt invincible and master of all she surveyed. Her feeling at the victory were the same feeling of all victors down through history. Salidia stood on the deck with her eyes ablaze, feeling all powerful.
She wasn't the same women who just 3 months ago fled Rome to escape the psychopath Caligula. Events had changed her, and each event had left her with a hunger different from the women she use to be. She had never killed a man in Rome. When Caligula killed 50 of her friends and relatives, she had fled Rome with a seething rage against him. At a private gladiatorial match she had commissioned in Aballo, (Avalon, France), she had walked into the area herself, and plunged a dagger into the throat of the losing gladiator. All her rage over what had happened to her and her friends and family were directed at that gladiator, and once she killed him, she knew wanted to do it again: Kill with her own hand. She replicated the gladiatorial training school where she had killed the man in her own backyard so she could do at her villa what she had done at the school; slake that desire to kill.
Just the happenstance of being in a small town prevented her from buying the strong, good looking slaves like the one she had killed at the gladiatorial school. She had wanted to kill again, but the small town didn't have the men she wanted, and she settled for a young 16 y.o. boy, the best Aballo had to offer, until she could get the slaves she wanted. Unfortunately for the boy, she tortured him as a substitute for the men she couldn't get. And that accidental use of a boy for torture instead of murder changed her: she was intoxicated with the feeling of power and control she felt with boy, and she wanted more of that. It was the reason she traveled up the coast to buy slaves: to fill the ludus (training school) she had built at her villa with slaves for torture. She was returning now with (now) 21 slaves who would be tortured at her ludus. The women who left Rome now enjoyed killing and torturing with her own hands.
Now this battle at sea would change her again; she was left with a thirst to feel that ego boost she felt after dominating those who opposed her. To win at a contest for control.
When they reached the port leading to Aballo, they pulled into the next cove, and grounded the ship on shore. They herded the Phoenicians to the back of the ship, and ransacked the galley. They found enough gold to pay for the trip 4 times over. Apparently, her Phoenician trader was a busy little pirate on the side, and must have murdered several passengers before Salidia. Salidia kept half the money, gave her men 1 part of 4 of it, and would use 1 part of 4 to build the men better quarters. Then they set the front of the galley ablaze. It didn't kill the Phoenicians, but Salidia and her men sat on the beach laughing as they watched the Phoenicians jumping off the stern of the boat and splashing around in the water. Two of the crew couldn't swim and they ran back and forth across the stern not knowing what to do as the fire approached them.
They took the captain with them.




Chapter 2

Give, and You Shall Receive



The next day the order of business was talking her present to Selenius, and the Phoenician captain was a task she wanted to knock off so she get underway on her trip.
The slaves were herded into the fenced enclosure of the training area to watch, and the captain was placed against the post used for punishments, his arms tied around the post behind him. Salidia asked her men if any of them wanted to whip the captain for what he had done, thinking they would be angry at him. Frankly, they didn't give a damn about him. To them, it was just another day at the office, and they didn't want to get all hot and bothered over some guy who was going to be killed anyway. All declined the whip. They would have been happy to just cut his throat and gotten on to the other things they had to do that day.
Salidia was angry at him. They might not have been angry, but she sure was. She took a knife and flayed off wide filets of flesh from his shoulders to his elbow, being angry at the man who had raised his hand against her.
"There, my good captain. You promised to get me home, safe and sound. And Look! I'm safe and sound and so are all my men. And you said I would enjoy the voyeage, and I did enjoy it!"
Holding the knife before his face, she said, "As a token of my appreciation for all you've done for us, I want you to keep this knife.
Consider it a tip for the good service you gave us."
Holding the knife in both hands, she place the tip against his lower abdomin, and leaned her own stomack against the knife handle; using her own weight to drive the knife into to him. The tilt of her body against the knife left her face an inch from his. To ease the knifes penetration, she moved the knife up and down a little with her hands. When the knife had penetrated about 6", she straightened up, relieving the pressure against the knife. She kept her hands wrapped around the knife.
She felt the knife handle quiver in her hand as the stomach muscles of the man quivered from the pain. "Why Captain, you've brought my knife to life again! It twists and turns and quivers in my hand once more. Thank you! It does need a drink of blood to waken from it's sleep." His whole body from legs to face shook in the same small waves of spasms, like 1 small leaf on a tree fluttering in a breeze. He said nothing, except small audible exhalations.
She started sawing the knife upwards for about 1'. The scene was somewhat quiet. He had his eyes clenched tight, his mouth opened in a large "O", and he rolled his head from side to side and up and down, uttering one long, low "oohhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooo oh"
which could hardly be heard.
She was done with that part. Thoughtfully, she put the knife to rest by quickly shoving it in hilt deep further up the abdomen, where it would be easy to find upon her return later. Later, when she came back, she would walk by the body and pull the knife out and have it cleaned.
With both hands free, she stuck her right into the incision, and snagged a coil of intestine, and bracing herself with the left, she pulled out several feet of the light pink tube. His mouth went into a small "o"; his eyes wide; his body in slow, deep, convulsions, and he
utter a low "ooooooooooooooohhhhaaaooooooooooooooooohhhaaaaooo ooooooooo"
She let the intestines drop, where they swung below his knees.
"Thank you, Captain, for all you've done for me. I think it was more than you expected, huh?" She patted him on the cheek, and walked away.
She left him there to bleed to death, and started on her journey. They were underway by 10 o'clock, and at the Roman camp a little after 11.
She sat with Selenius, and gave him the tunic. Salidia and Selenius had been friends since childhood. Selenius and his legion had been posted to this province of Gaul, and when Salidia had fled Rome, it was here she came. Selenius had found the villa for her to use when she came to Gaul.
"Do you like it? I got it for under your amour in winter. Long shelves and thick enough for any snow."
"This is wool? It's softer than the best Egyptian cotton."
"A Sumerian told me he gets it from the Kashmir mountains to the north. They pull it from under the throat and chest of goats rather than shear it from sheep. I had him sew on the leather across the shoulders so your amour wouldn't wear through it in a week."
"It's the softest garment I've ever seen anywhere. I can't take this. It must have cost you a fortune. The Emperor doesn't have anything this fine. Nobody has anything like this. I'll be in your debt for a year and you'll have me running little errands for you until next summer to pay you back. Let me give you something back."
"Huh, Huh, Huh," she chuckled. "I have an idea of something I might like and it won't cost you anything or take any of your time. I noticed the stockade when I arrived. Who are the men you have there?"
"Hold outs from a valley up north. Stubbon, independent. It took us over a month to clean out the valley. For the whole valley, we only got 640 men. The rest fought to the death. I'm sending them down to the Colosseum, and selling the women. Caligula is always bothering us for more prisoners to use in his games."
He continued, "You don't want them. They wouldn't make good slaves. They're only good for the lions. Too independent and rebellious. Take some of the women."
"I wouldn't mind a challenge. I told you how exciting it felt to defeat that Phoenician on the galley. The idea of a challenge excites me. I understandd now how you must feel after a good campaign. And what's the worst that can happen? I have to kill them? Not going to cost me anything. Send the bastard an even 600 and let me have the rest. .... AND I was giving you the tunic anyway............Without asking you to run errands for me for a year.......But if you want to give me 40 new slaves, I can't stop you if you insist......Seleeenieeeeeee........"
"Besides, with the money I got from the Phoenician, the whole trip didn't cost me anything, including the tunic. Consider it a gift from the Phoenician captain. His parting wish for you."
"She went through the stockade picking out the most attractive of the men, thinking, "The lions can eat the ugly ones!" Selenius lent her some centurions to get the slaves home.
She now had 40 more slaves that she had originally planned.





Chapter 3

Making New Friends
and
Diana Come to Earth


The rush of victory was still fresh in her mind when she returned to her villa, and she ignored the 20 slaves she had bought up the coast to concentrate on the 40 Selenius had given her. She wanted to dominate them. Bend the rebels to her will. She would kill the ones who wouldn't bend and use the ones she broke to farm the land of her new villa.
She was softening up the 40 by giving them each a session in the torture room, one by one, and intended to revisit each one after giving them all their initiation. One in the morning and one in the afternoon until all were done.
About the 8th. day into this, she stopped in the kitchen for something to eat as Talig was pulling one of the men into the torture room. She noticed one of the young new scullery maids had interupted her work and stood transfixed with a down turned lips, starring at the scene outside, while the other maids worked. Caught starring, the maid gave Salidia a furtive glance, then turned her head down and went back to work cleaning pots. Salidia said, "Would you like a new job?" The maids eyes widen in surprise. She asked, "In the torture room?"
"Come here. Sit down. What is your name?"
"Lydia."
"Pretty. Do you know what happens in that room?"
"You torture and punish the Goth men."
"Why were you starring so hard?"
"When the Goths came to my valley, they killed my family and the whole village, and took the land for themselves. They sold me and the rest of us that were still alive into slavery. I want to see you torture and kill every one of them!"
The world was full of women who resented how men treat them, and Salidia thought she had just found another to add to the long list. Most were too timid to complain. This one was unusually vehement. What wasn't being said was how deep the anger was that Lydia held against the Goths who had killed her parents, and ripped her from a happy life to a life of slavery. After she had been sold as a slave, she was repeatedly raped by every man, from slave to owner, on the farm where she lived. And she was brutalized by every man there, from slave to owner, every day. Lydia had a grudge against men in general, and Goths in particular.
Also, that 5 nights ago as twilight was falling and the domestic servants was preparing to go to bed, Lydia had said she was going out to go to the outhouse. Instead she went to the torture room and walked through the empty building, looking at the things there. Some things she didn't understand. Some things simply looked cruel and dangerous. When she got to the lattice, she saw the straps attached to it, and from the straps she knew the Goths were tied there. She saw the heavy bull whip, and knew that kind of whip wasn't used on horses or cows. It was only used to whip slaves.
Lydia imagined her Mistress in that place whipping Goths, and she was in awe of Salidia as if she were a Goddess on earth. She knew Salidia wasn't really a Goddess but the emotion she felt about Salidia was the same as if Diana had come down to earth. In her whole life she had never seen a household ruled by a women. From the first moment Lydia had seen Salidia, every man had bowed to her, even the powerful and dangerous man Talig,who was the leader of soldiers. They said he was a ferocious gladiator who had killed 5 men all by himself when they went to get the new slaves, and he obeyed Salidia! Most, the Roman soldiers did her bidding, something that was inconceivable to her. To her, the Romans were implacable killing machines, yet they obeyed Salidia. Where Salidia was the world as Lydia knew it was turned on it's head: a women ruled and the men obeyed.
The torture room was like a palace of justice ordained from Mount Olympus by the Furies. Here men were punished for how they treated women, and the Goths would be tortured to death. This god like women punished men and gave them what they deserved. She made them hurt for what they had done. To Lydia, Salidia was the most powerful women on earth and she was in awe of her. When Lydia walked through the torture room she longed to see this powerful women punishing the Goths. She never imagined that she could be a part of it. Only Salidia was that powerful. But she longed to be able to just see it. When Salidia mentioned a new job, Lydia hoped the job might be in the torture room where she might catch a glimpse of Salidia punishing a Goth. She imagined some menial task which was her wont in life: sweeping, cleaning, some dreary task. But she might catch a glimpse of the powerful women reeking vengeance on the Goths, something her heart cried for.
"Would you like to help me in the torture room?"
Lydia's eyes went round, and she simply nodded, "Yes," without saying anything.
"You would be helping me torturing the men. Could you do that?" Lydia was stunned. She stopped breathing. "...help torture men." She couldn't imagine that. She thought sweeping, cleaning, something like that. Not actually being a part of it. She didn't ever think she could part of it. She wasn't powerful like Salidia was. She just hoped to be in the torture room where she might watch Salidia punish a Goths. But her? "Me?"
"Yes."
"Help you do it?"
"Yes."
"I could be right there with you? See it happen, right next to you?"
"Yes."
"Every day?"
"Yes."
"Yes, Mistress."
"Are you sure you can do this? I like to make them hurt and suffer. It can be mean and cruel. Can you do that?"
"Yes, Mistress!" The girl was so emphatic, it made Salidia smile.
"I'm making you my maid. You are no longer a scullery maid. Take Miridia's room next to mine. Since I've come here I've gotten into the habit of doing much for myself; simply because no one here is capable of doing what I want. I will show you what I want. Pay attention. I don't like repeating myself. Make sure you're clean. Tell Miridia she is to get you 2 new dresses, and decent sandals. From now on you will be with me."
"Yes, Mistress."
In one fell swoop, Lydia had been changed from one of the lowest status slaves to one of the highest.
"Come." She walked outside, Lydia trailing behind. She stopped at Talig. "I've made this girl my maid. She will be with me in the torture room." "Yes, M'Lady." They walked into the torture you, and the Goth Lydia had seen in the morning was tied to the lattice. When Lydia woke up that morning and had started her tasks in the kitchen, she never imagined she would ever be standing at the side of this powerful women in the torture room. Her day had started with the hope of catching a glimpse of a Goth being pulled into the torture room. Now she was actually there in the room and there was a Goth tied up before her.
"Lydia, do you think this man should be punished?"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Good girl."





Chapter 4

Surveying New Territory
And Loosing Sight of Old




Without actually thinking about it, Salidia felt as if she had a comrade who shared her purpose in Lydia. Before beginning with the Goth, she said to Lydia, "Get me some wine. Get a cup for yourself, too."
Twenty minutes ago Lydia had been in the kitchen starring at a pot, and facing the prospect of spending another of her endless days starring at more pots. Her one aspiration was to catch a glimpse of one of her enemies being singled out for torture by, from Lydia's point of view, the most powerful women in the world. Now she was about to share wine with the women she considered a demigod, while her enemy was tied 20' away, awaiting torture by this powerful goddess and HER. Her stomach was doing flip flops, and her pulse raced. As Lydia ran to get the wine and cups, she repeated time after time, "Pay attention to everything she saids and does." In years to come, Lydia would be able to recall this day moment by moment.
When the girl returned with the wine, Salidia noted the adoration in the girls eyes, and the way she hung on every word that she spoke. Salidia began to feel warmly toward the girl, and was glad she had made her her maid. She began to take the girl into her confidence and began to talk to the girl, something she missed since leaving Rome months ago.
"These men are destine to be field workers. They're all proud and independent, and will rebel, and be useless to me. I'm going to break their spirit with torture. Some will break and be useful slaves. Some will not, and they will killed in this room. It doesn't matter to me since I didn't pay anything for them, and any few I make into good slaves will be pure profit to me."
"It's simple. We just torture them. And then we do it again and again until they either break or die. If some of the them look too strong to break, we'll kill them and waste no more time on them. The ones we break go to the fields to help the steward."
Well, it sounded like a simple plan to Lydia. Lydia simply wanted to torture and kill the bastards, and Salidia's plan got straight to what Lydia wanted to do. And Lydia could live with seeing a few of these arrogant bastards bent over and dirty working in the fields as slaves for the rest of their miserable lives, their spirits broken and humbled.
"Have you ever been this close to a man tied up for torture?"
"No, Mistress."
"Let me tell you some things. We're here to torture and break these men. They must always be afraid of you. In this room or before these men any place else, you are no longer Lydia, the scullery maid. You must act like me, Mistress of all you survey, with the power to kill whenever you wish. You must make them afraid of you. Can you do that, Lydia?"
With a big beaming smile on her face, "Yes, Mistress!", Lydia said emphatically. Salidia laughed. The girl was so animated and emotional. From that moment, the bond between the two women was cemented.
"Come on." Salidia got up, grabbed a stool from against the wall, and went over to the man, throwing the stool between the man's legs. She took out the dagger from her waist.
"That reminds me, when we're done here, go to Talig and tell him to give you a dagger like this one. Always wear it whenever you're around these men. Better yet, always wear it."
"If any of the men start to escape from the straps, kill him immediately. There are weapons in this room, and he might hurt one of Talig's men if they have to come in here to catch him. Unlikely, but I don't want to gamble with the men's lives."
Salidia put her finger against the man's carotid artery. "Feel that. Feel it's position and how deep it runs. It's his life's blood. Cut it, and he's stop moving in a few heart beats, and be dead moments later. Talig, showed me this. You don't have to aim to hit it exactly. You might miss it." With her hand she indicated a wide swath from cervical to jaw. "This is more certain. Aim to just slice your dagger any where across here. It's a big target. You only have to get an inch deep into the throat near the top, deeper as you go down, and your blade will be sure to catch the artery. Just slash the throat like this." She made a swinging motion, but didn't put her blade to skin. "As soon as we decide to kill one, I want you to practice it for me so I can see that you can do it. Can you do that?"
"Yes, Mistress. Without hesitation," the girl said seriously. Salidia thought, "Good. The girl understands. She's not a feather head when it comes to important things."
"Talig can do it so fast the men don't have time to block him. But we're not Talig. If the man has his arm free, do not try the throat. He might block you and grab your arm. If the man has an arm loose, call Talig's men immediately. DO NOT try to get the heart. You're angle might not be true, and the blade might travel to the side.
And you might hit a rib which can stop the blade. The men can drive through the ribs without problem. You don't gamble."
"Slash the throat if the man is starting to get free. If he has an arm free, call the men. Do you understand, Lydia?"
"Yes, Mistress. Move fast to kill him, but don't take changes."
"Good Girl, Lydia!"
She pushed her dagger between the man's legs, hooked it behind the man's ball, and plopped them onto the stool. She poked the cock and balls with the dagger. "This is the most sensitive part. It's easiest to hurt him here, and it won't damage him for field work. Avoid things that ruin him for work."
Using the dagger, she pushed the cock to the side. Indicating the balls, she said. "If we cut these off, he'll immediately become easier to handle, just like gelding a horse. But I'm not doing that immediately. It's too valuable to have the balls to torture. I want to use the balls for torture first before they're finally cut off."
"The same goes for the cock. Sensitive. It's easy to hurt him there, and it doesn't hurt his value as a worker if it's cut off. Don't cut it off yet. I still want it for torture first."
"An eye or a finger or a toe can go and he'll still be a good worker. But not the big toe or thumb and not a bunch of toes and fingers. Do you understand?"
"We're looking for ways to hurt them the most, but we want to keep them fit for the fields."
"My good little scullery maid!" The two women beamed at each other.
Salidia went to the man and grabbed his jaw, twisting his head to face her. "We're going to torture you, until you pass out. It may kill you, You may care about that, but I don't. I expect to kill a few of you in this room. And when we finish, you'll be sent back to the stable to heal. And when you're healed, we going to bring you back in this room and tortures all over again. And that is your future. To come here and be tortured by us time after time after time. Hour after hour of torture, and then waiting in the stable for it to begin all over again." With that Salidia raised the dagger, and stabbed it down into the man's penis, pinning it to the stool. She looked into the man's eyes, and asked, "Do you understand?" And then she began......
Later that night when Lydia went to bed, she couldn't sleep. She lay shaking at all that had happened that day, from being made Salidia's maid, to losing her temper, to people being nice to her. What had happened to her was wilder than anything she had ever dreamed. Once she dreamed she was Mercury and could fly. Now she lay in her OWN room, and she was not Mercury, but Mars, the taker of men's lives, with a weapon of her own, which lay under her pillow now, ready for her to grab if any man came into her room during the night. She would always have a weapon at her side to protect herself if some man tried to hurt her. She had stood next to this powerful women, and tortured a Goth, murderer of her family and her village, who had sent her into slavery and rape. She had lost her temper when Goth started to shake off the torture as if it were unimportant, and she was ashamed of that, but Salidia said it was all right. And soon when one of the brave Goths came into the torture room, one who couldn't be broken, she would kill him with her own hands.
When she finally felt strong enough to leave the torture room after having lost her temper, she went up to Talig, with her heart pounding, and said, "Please, Sir, Mistress said I was to get one of the small, thin daggers." (She couldn't believe she actually said that particular sentence to anybody.) All the men stopped to stare at her, and that made her feel very uncomfortable. Talig turned and looked at her for a long time with a grave look on his face, and then turned and went into to villa. Maybe he had found out she lost her temper. She feared the look meant he disapproved of her. She didn't know if she should follow him. When he left, did that mean he refused her request and was ignoring her? She didn't know what to do. She just stood there because she didn't know what else to do. In 10 minutes he returned with belt, sheath, and dagger, and saying, "Here," he gave it her, and he continued to stare at her. Terrified he disapproved of her, she scurried away.
Within 5' he called, "Wait." Her heart sunk. "He's going to take it away from me! He knows I don't deserve it; he knows I'm just a scullery maid. He decided I should not have it." She turned, with fear and disappointment flooding her face. With tears starting to brim in her eyes, she handed it to him. He took the dagger from her. And then he opened it and ran his thumb along the blade. Her mind said, "He's not going to take it from me!", but her heart still pounded in fear and tears still threatened her eyes. He turned to one on the men and said, "Andeocene, sharpen this for the girl." He looked at her again and then returned to his men. Not knowing what to do, she stood in the same spot without moving for a half hour until the man returned with the blade. Talig winked (!!!!!!!!) at her, nodded his head in the affirmative, smiled, and pleasantly said, "Now it's good for you!" He turned and went to his men. Stunned, she turned and slowly walked away, in shock, to find Salidia. Later that night when the shock had worn off, she though, "I talked to Talig, and he answered me! And I asked him for something, and he actually got it for me!! And HE WAS NICE TO ME!" Reinterpreting his stare in light of his niceness, she now thought, "He paid attention to me." She hadn't had any sort of pleasant reciprocal relationship with a man since she was a little girl with her family.
In months to come, Talig would show the girl tricks to using the knife, like never doing the same thing twice unless it's a trap; or how to spring forward and to the side while she struck for the throat, and then position her arm to stab the back of the leg as she landed behind the man, so all the parts came together as one quick leap and turn to the front. And variations: spring and turn for the leg if she missed the throat, or spring forward and continue on to the next target if she was certain she got the throat. And he showed her ways to become faster like practicing with a heavy weight in her hand. She had to practice time after time 2 fast strikes to use when two men were standing close to each other. But most of all, she had to train, over and over again, how to whip out the dagger fast and catch a man by surprise.
And finally, when her arm had become stronger from the heavy weights, Talig showed her the 3 main way to train the body to move faster, which he never taught anyone else but Salidia. He made both women promise never to show anyone else what he taught them, and he made them practice in the villa with no one in the adjoining rooms so no one else could see. Lydia practiced for 6 months and didn't get much better. And then one day, ONCE while she practiced her arm flashed out in a strike. It took her 3 more weeks of practice and then it happened once again: her arm flew out at blinding speed. And then it happened more and more frequently, until every time Lydia stuck, her arm flashed forward with blinding speed. Then she understood why Talig had her train to strike 2 men standing close together. Now she was fast enough to strike 2 men before either could move to block her. And she remembered the story of Talig on the Phoenician galley, killing 3 before the third took 1 step and she understood how he did it. Taliq had used that technique in a real fight with men, and he won; and Taliq had taught her the same technique so she could be in a real fight with men and win.
Salidia and Lydia never became as fast as Talig, but they became faster than Caius, the other fast "small shield" gladiator. Talig never showed another man how he trained his body to become fast, because then they might become as fast as Talig and might kill him in a fight. Talig never taught another man, but he taught the 2 women. When Talig was finally killed at 42 in a senseless fight in the village with 2 fast young men, the 2 women went alone into the village to find the men. The first young men was fast enough to avoid Talig's first strike, and while Talig move to strike again, the second young man stabbed him the back. The women found the men and killed them. After they killed the men, they fell on their knees and cried for Talig. The two women tended Talig's body, with his men standing around. They only let his men touch the body. But that was all many long years in the future.
Talig also had the men practice with girls so they could become faster at dodging and blocking, and sharpen their reflexes. The men loved practicing with the spunky, spirited young girl. They loved her for her courage. When she fell or was hit by one of the wood training sword, she would get right back up and start training again. And when she was hurt, she would still practice the next day, even if she was limping or had pain when she moved her arm. For all the training, the laughing and smiling that went on made it seem more like children playing together. A couple of days a week both women would practice with the men, and it was the high point of the men's week, to practice and laugh with the women. And the man strictly enforced a rule to rotate who would train with the women, so each man would have his turn. Lydia noticed this and talked of it with Salidia. and it would come to pay the men back for all they did.
In a few months of laughing and joking with the women on the training ground any of the men would have died to protect them.
And in less than a year, when Lydia walked in among the slaves, she could kill any one of them in a blink of the eye, and she knew it.
And when she stood with the slaves, she always stood with her right hand resting on the hilt of her dagger. She had become Mars, the taker of men's lives. And her eyes spoke that to the slaves she talked to.



Chapter 5

A Day at the Office


That first day with Salidia in the torture room, Lydia tried to be so good. She waited to do anything Salidia might ask of her, and she paid attention to everything Salidia said and did.
"You're a big, bad Goth warrior, aren't you. No little women is going to scare you, are they?"
"Well, my big tough man, when you leave here, you're going to a bit less of a man. Every time you come here, you're going to be a little bit smaller, until you're no longer a man."
"And when you go back to the stable, when you look at your comrades, they are going to remind you of what the little lady did to make you a little bit smaller man."
She put her knife in his nostril, and pulled up, slitting the nostril open. "Oh, you're so tough! You didn't show any pain. If I do it again, will you still be so tough?" She put the knife in the other nostril, and sliced that one open also. "Oh, still so tough!"
"Well, I don't want you worrying about scars on your nose that will make you look ugly. No one will see anything on that nose of yours. You see, I have this little trick to remember how many times you've been in this room. Every time you come here, I'm going to make a little mark so I know if you've been here 1,2,3,4....times."
"Now the first time your here, I take your nose, the next time an ear, then the other ear, then eyebrows and it keeps going. I'll have some of your fingers and toes. And when I'm finished with you, your cock and balls too. I let rats do that. They'll eat your cock and ball while you watch."
As she said this, she began to slice off the tip of his nose.
"When you go back to the stable, you can look at your companions, and they will remind you what I did because they won't have any noses either. When you see them, I want you to remember you're just like them: without a nose. And each time you or your friends come here, you're going to be a little less of the man than the man who walked in here. And in the end you won't even be a man because you won't have a cock or balls anymore. You'll just be a thing without a face or sex. And when you're back in the stable and you and your friends look at each other, you can remind each other of what is done here."
As she said that, she started to take off another slice of nose, starting at the bridge of the nose and going down.
"Of course, your nose isn't the end of your visit here. We're going to do more things for you today. After the nose we have something else for you. And after that, something else again.
At this point she was cutting the nose off flush with the cheeks.
Salidia stopped, and said, "Lydia, see that brazier over there. Bring it over here and light it. Be careful, there are needles in it. Don't spill the needles out." Salidia leaned back against a table to rest and sipped some wine, expecting the brazier to take a little time to get hot and the needles to glow red in the fire. That's not what happened to Lydia.
Lydia and Salidia were two different women. Salidia enjoyed the power and control she exercised over the men, which she could coolly plot and planned to achieve. That's not what Lydia was like: Lydia was filled with rage and could be explosive.
As Lydia watched the Goth being tortured for the first time, it didn't satisfying her and let her rage subside in satisfaction. Each time the Goth grimaced in pain she was provoked more; it reminder her of a wish she had 10 yrs. ago, a wish she had 9 yrs. ago, a wish her shad 8 yrs. ago, 7yrs., 6 yrs,.........she had 16 years worth of rage stored in her, each year filled with hundreds of wishes to see the Goths suffer for each of the hundreds of crimes they had committed against her. As she watched the Goth, more and more wishes to punish them, and anger against them, filled her. As she watched the Goth, she became more enraged at him.
As Salidia tortured him, the Goth sort of rocked back and forth, his body shaking as the tried to control the pain, making an inarticulate sound as he struggled to control his screams.. When Salidia stopped, he slumped forward, exhausted from his tense and struggling body. As time passed as they waited for the brazier to heat, he began to recover, and raised his head up and looked angerily at the women.
When Lydia saw him recovering and the angry look in his face, she flew into a rage. She rushed at him, put her hands on his shoulder. and started kneeing him in the balls, shouting, "You bastard, You bastard, You bastard......." The attack was so ferocious, blood started to fly about as his balls and cock were crushed between her knee and the bones of his pelvis. The Goth started to moan under this attack.
Salidia was in shock. First, it was so different from her that she had trouble identifying with it, but mainly by the sheer athleticism of the event. She was amazed Lydia didn't fall to the floor in exhaustion. Wide eyed and opened mouthed, she thought, "How long can she do this????" Lydia just continued on and on in a frenzy, kicking and kicking. Finally she stopped in exhaustion, bent over, her hands resting on her knees, her body heaving, trying to catch her breathe.
Lydia noticed the brazier beside her, screamed "Ahhhaa", and grabbed the Goth's balls near the body, pulling the balls out toward her with her left hand. With her right hand she grabbed one of the foot long needles and started to stabbing the balls in another frenzy. The Goth was screaming. This didn't last as long, she was already exhausted when she started. Soon she dropped the needle and stood bent over again, gasping for air. The Goth slumped over, uttering low moans.
As Lydia slowly caught her breath, she noticed the bull whip hanging on the wall. Again, she screamed "AAAhhhhaaa," and ran to the wall to grab the bull whip. She raced back and started to flail at the Goth, not with the end, but with the handle, uttering grunts with every swing. The Goth was going, "Ohhhahh," with every impact. Eventually, the handle crashed into his head, and he slumped forward unconscious. When he passed out, Lydia's shoulders slumped forward and her head sagged to her chest. She stood there heaving for breathe.
The Mistress became the maid and Salidia attended the girl. She pulled a chair up behind that girl, and guided the girl back into it. Salidia stroked the girl forehead, pulling hair from the girls face.
"There, girl. It's all right. It's all over. Just relax and rest"
"Talig!"
Five men rushed into the room, swords drawn, eyes flashing around the room for danger. They saw Salidia with the girl slumped in a chair, with her head forward against her chest, half unconscious from exhaustion; and they feared for the little (compared to them) girl. They looked at Salidia with anxious eyes, wanting instructions.
"Get him out of here. Get me water and some towels."
Two men pulled the Goth down and dragged him out. Not very nicely. Two raced for water and towels. Talig stood there, in case he was needed, anxious for the young girl, and not knowing what else to do. When all 4 men returned they put the water and towels by Salidia and stood behind Talig. The rest of the men had gathered around the door. Talig motioned them all out. He backed up to the door, and hovered there until he saw the girl was alright. Knowing he was superfluous, he backed out the door and left. The men were all gathered out side, and Talig said, "She's alright." The tension left the group, and they all went back to what they were doing. He left 1 man stationed at the door way to listen for any summons. Later, when the girl came out and approached the men, they all stopped what they were doing and watched her to make sure she was alright.
There is a camaraderie among people who face the same danger, and the girl had been swept under it's mantle when the she entered the room with the Goth. When she was a scullery maid they didn't pay much attention to her. But when she was in the room with the Goth, they all closed ranks around her. From that day forward all the men felt protective of her.
Salidia wiped the girl's face with a wet towel.
"I'm so sorry, Mistress, I don't know what came over me. I feel so ashamed. Don't send me away, Please, don't send me away. I'm so sorry."
"It alright, girl. They can't hurt you any more. I've been to the north with the soldiers. The soldiers killed all the Goths from your valley. They can't hurt you anymore. The few alive were sent to the Colosseum in Rome last week, and they will all be dead by now. These here are the last of the men from your village and valley. They are all chained up, and Talig and his men are standing guard over them. You can kill every one of them with your own hand if you wish.
The girl broke down crying. Salidia held her. Lydia kept saying she was sorry and ashamed, but instead of her actions alienating her from the others, what happened opened the heart of all to the girl.
No matter what happened outside or inside the villa, the people who lived in the villa were a tight knit group loyal to each other.





Chapter 6

Their Souls to Keep




One the 12th. day they got a Goth who cursed them from the beginning to the end of the session in the torture room. When he returned the second time, they cut off his ear, and he pulled at his straps and wrenched his body about the lattice, shouting "You fucking cunts, I'll kill you when I get loose." Very seriously, without any agitation, Salidia nodded to Lydia for the first time. Lydia stood in front of the Goth very calmly and seriously starring at him. Very calmly she said, "This is for my mother," and as fast as she could for that time in her life, she slashed her knife across his throat.
It appeared as if he tried to grab his throat from the way his wrist and fingers bent in and pointed toward his throat, and from the way he tried to pull his arms in toward himself. His eyes went wide in shock, and then fear as he realized he couldn't grab his throat. He tried to pull his arms in more vigorously, and then his body started to spasm. His eyes visibly dimmed and gazed over, and then his head slumped to his chest and his whole body relaxed. He wet himself. Lydia would later learn that no matter who they were or what they were doing, they always stopped fighting and grabbed for their throat the moment the throat was cut.
When Lydia cut the carotid, the blood surged out, spraying more that 4'. Lydia didn't try to dodge it or more away. She just stood there, letting it wash over her as she watched the Goth very seriously. Except for Taliq's murderer who she would kill years from now, it was the most important man she ever killed. Behind him, as he died, she could see her village and her parents.
There were 16 who were killed between the first and second round of torture, most grouped toward the end. It seems they were the ones who fought the Roman guards the hardest when they were chained up at the Roman camp so they were the last to be put in irons, and they were the last to be put into the stable, filling up it's back. Lydia killed them all. How she killed them was always basically the same, except for the names of the people she mentioned when she killed them. That became Lydia's style when she was sure she was faster than the person she faced. It was exactly how she killed Talig's murderer. Except then she walked over to Salidia and knelt down beside her, and the two women hugged each other and wept.
Lydia was Mars. Lydia was one of the Furies.





Chapter 7

Diana and her Cat




Lydia began to changed after her first kill, little by little with each man she killed. First it was the look in her face and how she watched what went on around her. Then around 6 months into her training with Talig, when she first started to get fast, how she positioned herself around people changed. As her training increased, she became stronger, more lithe, more agile, more nimble. By the 9th. month how she moved around a room or people was noticeably different than the girl Salidia first met, or other people in general for that matter. Before the first year was out she had developed a style which would mark her for the rest of her life.
Not with Salidia or Talig or the men. With them she became warmer, more affectionate, more demonstrative, more playful. With her little group she would run from one to the other, hugging, touching, giving kisses on the cheek. The men all grumbled, and they all loved her because of it. She became a glue that pulled the whole group closer together, uniting parts that would not have come together without her. They became the family she missed, mother, father, uncles, and when the men finally brought their families up from Rome, aunts and nieces and nephews.
A very good analogy would be a lioness playing with cubs in the pride, but stealth incarnate stalking prey outside the pride. But a lioness only describes her eyes, not her body. The eyes looked like she was stalking prey. She moved with a lightness on her feet that no lion ever had. She always seemed to be on the balls of her feet, her legs centered underneath her, as if she were prepared to spring forward; lunge. When she focused on someone not in her group, she would orient her body toward them as if prepared to strike. When Salidia or Talig talked to someone not in the group, Lydia tended to circle from left to right around Salidia or Talig and then back again, over and over, always oriented toward whoever Salidia or Talig talked to. For lack of a better term, like a cat stalking prey, but no cat was as light on it's feet. She always seemed to be on the balls of her feet.
To Lydia, the world was always a dangerous place filled with people who would hurt you, like the Goths, and the only safe place was with her little group who loved her, and who she loved.
How Lydia moved around didn't apply to when she decided to strike, like in killing one of the Goths. When she decided to strike she would pause first. She had a tell. To those who didn't know her, she seemed like a lithe young women, and later a lithe women, who couldn't stay still and who always starred at people straight in their eye. To the men who trained with her and saw her speed develop, Lydia seem always dangerous when she moved, and deadly when she paused. At a year, Lydia was faster than any of the men except Talig, and they knew she would have been dangerous to them in other circumstances.
When Lydia was in the torture room, Salidia would tend to stand in front of the slave, and Lydia would circle from left to right around Salidia, and that characterized the two women wherever they went: Salidia standing and talking, Lydia circling in the background. Salidia always thought of the first time in the torture room with Lydia. Salidia tortured the Goth and Lydia stood on the side watching, but she flew in a rage at the Goth when he seemed to recover (Escape-avoid-recover from punishment in Lydia's mind. She wanted him punished, not to walk away from the punishment recovered.) Salidia saw the same girl she had seen that first day, still than striking, only today the affects of training were added on top of still then strike: agility, nimbleness and Talig's emphasis on springing forward to strike. Lydia was the same girl, but now she added on the physical prowess to kill, and her actions reflected these physical skills.
Typical of how the 2 women were with each other was something that happened around 13 months after Lydia started training. On a nice spring day, Salidia needed oil, and she wanted clothe from the market. Because of the weather, she decided to walk, and headed to town with 3 of the men and 2 pack horses (And Lydia, of course because she always went wherever Salidia was.) Coming from the other direction was a local chieftain, mounted, his son who was a young man of 18, and 4 retainers.
When they drew abreast, the chieftain continued straight down the middle of the road (expecting all to yield to his exaulted high Magesty!), forcing Salidia and Lydia to the side. As the chieftain pulled across from Salidia he said, "Roman slut, let a Chieftan pass." The moment Lydia heard that she moved in front of the young man and stopped. And the moment Lydia stopped in front of the young man, everybody with Lydia knew what was going to happen next. Lydia struck from a standing position without bothering to spring, and then turned to face the chieftain. The retainers behind saw the young women, who didn't seem frightening to them, step in front of the young man, the young man blocked their view of the girl for a moment, and then the young man fell, revealing the young women's back as she now faced forward toward the chieftain. There was a moment of puzzlement on their part as they tried to understand what had just happened. Salidia's men used that moment to their advantage. The chieftain notice the young women step on to the road, and he watched her move in front of his son. He saw the blood gush out of his son throat and the woman calmly turn to him. He bellowed a roar, and swung off the horse to charge her. He was 40, and looked like he hadn't fought in the last 10 yrs., and Lydia didn't even think of him as a challenge as he lumbered heavily toward her. Her first choice move was always the strike to the throat and then spinning off to the side and back. She withheld the strike, just spun off to the side and back. She did strike the back of his leg as she pivoted around, and he was so slow she had time to jerk up on the knife after it was in him, leaving a 4" long gash in the back of his leg. When the men saw she didn't do her typical strike, they knew she was playing with him. He was now crippled, facing someone faster than him, and that meant he was a dead man. He knew he was a dead man, too. Lydia walked backwards until she to the side and behind Salidia. And the picture then was the picture that would typify Salidia and Lydia for the rest of their lives. The man on one side, Salidia facing him, and Lydia to the side and behind Salidia. Whenever the men thought of the 2 women, that's how they pictured them. Salidia in front, Lydia to her side, and back. Lydia was Salidia's attack dog. To the men who trained with Lydia and knew her speed, they knew she was more dangerous than any mastiff.
Salidia finished the man off. The strike and slide to the side was Salidia's favorite too. (It was Lydia's favorite, and it was Salidia's favorite ----because it was Talig's favorite and he taught them.) Salidia was faster than the man and she could have simply struck without him being fast enough to block her, and then pivoted to the back. His left leg was crippled and she could have done "ballet pirouettes" to the his left and been safe. But it's just "nice", comfortable, to know where the sword is.
(When very fast people train, they develop "set" pieces of 3-4 steps coordinated into one flowing whole, which they practice over and over again to become even faster, which they can execute without thinking. When they initiate one of the moves, they don't want a left or right arm of their opponent to unexpectedly appear in their path of travel because their momentum will carry them into it. So they like their opponent to indicate whether they'll strike with their left or right arm; then the fast person moves to the other side. It was the technique used by Bruce Lee, and it is known as "Defensive Counter-punching." They are "counter-punchers", a skill reserved for the very fast. They wait for the other person to move first, and then counter with a strike to the open side, and because of their speed they beat their opponent to the punch.)
Salidia walked straight at him, with her arm at her side, which was meant to provoke him into making a move. When she got close, he raised the sword up, intending to strike down at her. With the swords line of travel established, she struck up to the throat before he could completely raise it, and pivoted to her right behind him. In one flash, the women was behind him, and he stood with the sword raised in the air and a hole in his throat. The 2 women stood one in front of him and one behind him; he clutched his throat a few moments, and fell.
It was an execution, not a fight.
They left the men and their possessions in the road, and went on. The 6 men would be found in the road with no witnesses as to what happened.


Chapter 8

Cleaning House



Sixteen Goths were killed in the first 2 torture sessions because they weren't breakable. Salidia let Lydia do all the killing.
Everything fell in to patterns, with only one exception.
The men were all pretty much the same. "You filthy cunts," "You fucking cunt," "you lousy cunts," "I'll kill you when I get loose," "I'll strangle you when I get loose," "I'll cut you open." They were all brave men, or strong men, or stubborn men, Or just stupid. They would have fought the Romans to the death but for whatever reason the Romans had managed to captured them alive.
It fell in to the pattern of Salidia doing the torture, and Lydia just watching. That's because Salidia tried very hard to catered to Lydia's wishes, after that scene in the first torture session with Lydia. Lydia seemed to want to watch and not participate much, so Salidia kept it that way. She just seemed to want to watch until it was time to kill them, and then she would step up to do the killing.
There was a starting style, and a ending style.
The first 5 Lydia just stood in front of for a long time and just looked in their faces, doing nothing. The men would curse, some stared back at Lydia, 1 spat at her. It didn't matter. Lydia just starred at them. Then, "This is for my mother," "This is for my father," then 3 names nobody knew. She struck with as much force as she could muster.
For all 16 she never tried to get out of the way of the blood. She would just stand there watching them die, and stood there a long time after they were dead, and then just quietly walk away.
When the 6 came up, he was the one exception. She stood before him like all the others, mentioned a name nobody knew, and this time she slowly extended the dagger up to his ear, and slowly drew in down, pushing hard into his throat. Then she stood for the dying and a long time after.
Then the pattern changed. The first 6 weren't in pain when they died. She looked at them; they looked at her; and then she struck. But after the 6th. Goth, she wanted them in pain when they died. Not torture when they wouldn't die like Salidia with her noses and ears. Lydia wanted their last minutes to be in pain.
The first one, the 7th. Goth, she walked up to and stared, same as usual. Then she took her dagger and placed it against his abdomen and pushed in slowly, and then sawed it down, going in and out. She went down about 8" until the intestines spilled out. She watched the agony in his face for a few minutes, and then slashed the throat. Not hard like the first 5, but just enough to get the job done, like someone blowing out an oil lamp a little distance away. Enough to get the job done.
There were variations in how she caused the pain. She cut across the abdomen, she cut up the abdomen. One she put the dagger between his legs behind the balls, and pulled up so the dagger cut up into the abdomen. One she drove the dagger in to the inner thigh and sawed down, on both sides. Three she pulled out the balls, and cut them off, then pulled the cock out and cut it off. Then she dug the dagger in to the wound for a while as she watched him. One she pulled a stool up and put the penis on it, and cut the penis in halt lengthwise. The last she pulled the cock out and made small cuts on the left and right sides until she cut it through.
Nobody knew why the first group was different from the second group. Everybody assumed the first group was for her family, and the second group was for friends and relatives, or for times she was beaten or raped. Salidia or any of the men would have been happy to talk to her if she wanted, but she just went off by herself after it was over.
Everybody just respected her wished. Nobody ever found out why she did what she did.

Furies: Three goddesses who pursued unpunished criminals and exacted vengeance.

After the straight killings were over, Lydia went back to the way she usually was.






Chapter 9

A Cat Comes of Age





Salidia and Lydia were having lunch, near the end of the Goths, when Lydia asked, out of the blue, "Would you mind if I tried one of the boys?" Surprised, Salidia said, "Pick anyone you want. Do whatever you want with him." When hen Salidia did the boy months ago, there was a sexual nature to it. She had climaxed with the boy by holding his shaking and quivering hips against her cunt. So Salidia decided to give Lydia some privacy in the torture room. But she was dying of curiosity to find out about this new turn of events. "Take the afternoon, and I'll take the opportunity to go over the latest missive from the Tuscany. The steward always send me stuff filled with facts and figures, and I keep putting it off," Salidia lied to be accommodating.
Lydia got up, gave Salidia a kiss, "Thank you," and left.
Presphene was on duty in the stable and he got up when she came, prepared to go with her down for a Goth. She shook her head. "No, don't bother I want to look over the boys." He had no worries about her with the boys, and he sat back down.
Although she had walked through the boys section twice out of idle curiosity, she had turned and left after a prefunctory glace without really exaimining them. The boys were terrified when she came down and stopped to look at the first of them. When she did that with the Goths, they came back maimed or not all.
"Stand at the front of the beds," she ordered them.
She walked down the isle and stopped at one she was mildly interested in. "Do you know who I am?"
"You're Lydia. You kill the Goths."
She stopped at another who was mildly interesting. "Do you know who I am?"
"You're the killer. You're Lydia."
"Pressie, could you please bring me the keys and some shackles?"
When he got there, she nodded toward the boy. Presphene put the shackles on, and unlocked the leg irons. When he was done, she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."
"Want me to go with you."
"No. He's smaller than you and I can take you."
"No, you can't, Lady," he laughed.
"I'm faster than Titus. I'm going to take you this week."
"No, you're not. Maybe....., sometime,.....years from now... but not this week." He tousled her hair and smiled at her. It was always fun to banter with Lydia. And she was adorabily spunky as she tried to get better and better with the men.
She left with the boy, but after she was outside, she stuck her head back in the door again. "Pressie, I'm going to take you this week." And then she ducked back out before he could answer.
She got him to the torture room. A new system was used since the Goths. A shackle on a rope was threaded through the lattice. It was long enough to reach the shackles on a slave, and tied off on the other side. Placed on the wrist of the slave before the transportation shackles were remove, a slave could break free, but he couldn't get far.
Once attached, the rope could be pulled, drawing the arms up into position, and secured. Lydia could pull one arm up at a time up, and secure it, without danger of the slave breaking free.
The Goths were poison to her. She only wanted to kill them. Considering what she did every day, it's no surprise that when she felt sexual, it was sadomasochistic. And, of course, Lydia's role model with men was Salidia. With Talig and the men, she had a perpetual childlike relationship, like she was always a little 4 y.o. girl with her family back in her valley.
Lydia grabbed his jaw and first dug her nails in to his skin, and twisted his face to look at her. Salidia had told her the boys were selected to be breakable, unlike the Goths she killed, but not cowards. "Brave, but not too brave," was the way Salidia described it. The boy looked back at her defiantly. She looked into his eyes and thought, "Are you like the Goths and unbreakable, or will you break?"
"How do you know of me, boy?"
"We hear the Goths talking, and sometimes the guards talk."
"And what do they say, boy?"
"The Goths say that Salidia tortures them, cuts off their noses, ears, but you just walk around the room looking at them. But they're more afraid of you."
"Why is that?"
"They hear the guards talk, too."
"And what do the guards say?"
"They say you do the killing. When Salidia is done with the Goths, you kill them. The guards say you're dangerous. I heard Cetus tell the big man, Gadius, that you were good enough to kill the blonde man, Atus. That Talig has shown you secret, magic things to make you faster than a man. The Goths know you do the killing."
"Do you think I know secret magic?"
"It's not right that a women should be able to kill a man. You're not like a women in othr places. Neither is Salidia."
"Are you afraid of me, boy" He shook his head, "No", but she saw the tremors in his body.
"I'm not going to kill you, boy; and I'm not going to maim you. Unlike the Goths, you won't look like a freak next week, you'll look like you did this morning." She ran her hands over his shoulders, chest, hips, cock and balls, thighs. Then she went over to the brazier on the side.
She took out one of the 1' long needles Salidia had pounded out of cloak pins, felt the sharpness of it's point, and put it aside. Placing two others next to it, she left the other 3 in the brazier. She brought the brazier next to the boy, and lit it. There she threaded ropes through the lattice, securing his thighs, hip, chest and arms. Then she got a whetstone and leaned against a table bringing two of the needles to a fine point. Then, starring at the boy, she sipped some wine, which was now sent to the torture room on a regular basis every morning. She got up, grabbed 2 stools from the wall, and went over to the boy.
She grabbed his jaw again and twisted his face to look in to hers again, and starred into his eyes. She dragged her fingernails across this cheek, leaving 4 bleeding cuts across his face, then did the same across his chest, and finally up his stomach, watching his eyes the whole time. She did that not to hurt the boy, but to feel her own power and enjoy it. And to know the boy was her possession to do with as she wanted. It was a cat streching out it's claws over prey it knew was it's to take and have.
She had never done this with a boy before, and hadn't thought out what would happen or what her goals were. But her instincts were leading her on to a signal in the boys face acknowledging her power over him. Unpremeditated, but lead by unconscious instincts, she was waiting for the boys face to tell her, "You control me." Little by little that day she increased the pain for the boy, watching the boys face to tell her she had found what she searched for. Someone once said that fulfilling an instinct for the first time is "To see the unknown, and when you see it, to realize you have known it all along." Her 2 hrs. with the boy today would be one long moment of discovery, a moment that stretched from the second she started until she saw in the boys the thing which would satisfy her. Each moment spun into another moment that left her breathing tense the whole time. And starring into the boys eyes showed her the road she was going to take by what the boys eyes said to her.
Not having planned this, she picked up one of the sharpened needles, and only knew she wanted to hurt him a little bit at a time, and watch his eyes. After all the talk of murder and what the men thought of her, she felt very sadistic and wanted his eyes to tell her she was Mistress and that he was helpless before her. It felt right to start with the nipples, and she place the needle against the edge of the areola, and slowly pushed the needle under the skin and across the nipple until it emerged on the other side of the areola. She watched his eyes. The edges of his eyes drew down, the muscles of his jaw set and trembled, and his body quiver slightly. She could see the pain there, but he stared back in her eyes. "You're fighting me, boy, but the trembling around your eyes tells me not for long. You're having trouble just hanging on," she thought to herself, and smiled. She knew the inevitability of what would happen. She wanted to play with him along the way, and watch the trembling in his face.
Smiling because she knew the inevitable was hers to take anytime she choose, she start on the other nipple, wanting to see the pain in the eyes rise and fall at her command. She pushed 1/2 under the nipple, while the trembling in his face stayed the same. She planned to bring up the pain at this point. She pulled up on the needle so the skin formed a /\, and turned the handle of the pin left, and right, so the skin twisted under the torque. She knew that in the flesh underneath the skin, the tip was tearing flesh across it's path, as flesh reached the limits of it's elasticity and gave way to rip apart from the force of the cruel tip pressing against it. The edges of his eyes scrunched up in pain and effort as he tried to fight the pain. His lip drew straight across in a line, and his jaw shook in visible shudders. His chest and arms quivered. She maintained that for a while by turning the needle down and digging down into the flesh beneath the nipple, digging left and right, and then down deeper yet again. Whimpers started escaping his mouth. She thought, "So close to losing it, aren't you, boy! But you are still willing to defy me, aren't you. I know it's inevitable. It think it is time to show you why." She slid the needles out from beneath his skin.
She brought the two stools over, placing one between his legs and placing his cock on it, and set the other off to the left, settling down on it. Holding the cock steady with her left hand and starting at it's tip of the penis, she started to push the needle through the cock lengthwise, on the left side.
The boy started to scream, and she stopped and stood up.
"Don't scream. It annoyes me. You can whimper and moan, but don't scream. If you scream I will make this twice as hard on you and twice as long. And I will add a whipping to the cock torture that will leave your flesh ripped and bleeding. Do you understand?"
He nodded, "Yes," obviously deeply afraid of her. He tried to control himself, in fear of her and fear of provoking her anger.
She sat down and continued to push the needle down lenghtwise on the life side. He was wimpering, but she concentrated on the needle. She wanted to watch his face, but she knew the dick would be too floppy to control the path of needle unless she held it steady against the pressure of the needle. When she got the needle 1/2 down the length of the cock, she thought it was well started, and she was now free to shift her attention to the boy.
She stood up and cupped the cock in her left hand to steady it against the pressure of the needle pressing down, and with her right hand she pushed the needle deeper down in to the cock. From this position she could watch the boy's face without watching what her hands were doing. The pressure the needle exerted on her left hand told her of it's progress. She could feel the boys cock press against her hand where the tip of the needle pressed against the flesh of the penis. The boy's lips were drawn back in a gramice, his mouth open, moans (!) came from his lips, and his eyes were almost squeezed closed in pain. "Please, Mistress, stop. Please!" She wasn't satisfied.
"It's good you understand your fate is my hands, but bad you asked me to stop. Do you think you can influence me? Do you think you are important like Salidia or Talig, who I would listen to? What you have to show me is that you know you a helpless and in my hand, and that there is nothing you can do to save yourself."
She withdrew the needle, and repeated it on the right side. Three quarters of the way down on the right side, he looked at her in sheer terror. And she stopped and was satisfied. The man looked at her in hopeless, defenseless terror to be in her hands. She was done. That was what she had searched for. When someone looked at her in hopeless, defenseless terror to be in her hands
Lydia was many things. Now she was a lioness, whose prey was helpless and terror striken beneath her claws.
From now on she would visit the boys often. She enjoyed the helpless, terror stricken look in their eyes.




Chapter 10

Plot wrap up using torture of Goths who would break under torture

Point: The girls defeat the Goths: the girls defeat anyone who oppose
them. They bend he goths to their will, killing those who
oppose their will.
they control their world and the men in it.
Salidia lethal. Lydia lethal.



Chapter 11 Conclusion


Women stand on knoll overlooking the villa, with the male slaves working field below. Salidia controled her world in tuscany as she had as a Patrician in Rome. Whatever happened and changed in Salidia world, she would rise up to control it. When Caligula had threatened to make her lose control of her world in Rome, Salidia had carved out of the world another realm she controlled. As she had found this girl and made her into her wonderful tool Knowing when to instruct her and point her in the right direction, or when to let her develop on her own once she was pointed in right direction.
And Salidia's world in Aballo would become a heaven and ideal of women throught the world, and be known as Avalon.

ending sentence.

Like janus the god with 2 faces which hung on every roman door for good luck, the door to Lydia heart has a janus, the god with two faces. One side facing outward was the fericous killer who used speed to strike before other could defend themself. Other side looked inward to those she loved. And this fericous killer who would defend her world and those she loved against all who treathen it would be the women who made Avalon a reality.



Tales of Rome 3: The Beginning of Avalon




Chapter 1
Debts to be Paid



Talig and Lydia and 4 of the men were in town, and Lydia was looking at clothe to buy for winter cloaks.
Lydia dropped the clothe, ran into the middle of the market, and started screaming at a man. Talig didn't know what happened. "What is she doing?" The men followed her, confused.
"Do you know me!"
The man in the middle of the market looked at her like she was a crazy women, slightly alarmed by this women who came out of nowhere to shout at him. He pushed her out the way, and continued on.
She recovered, and leaped back in front of him, "Do You Know Me!"
He went to push her aside again, but she was more collected now, and deflected the arm a little upward, while slipping under it. "DO YOU KNOW ME!"
"No, I don't know you, you crazy bitch!"
"You went to the Goths. You bought slaves there. I am one of the slaves you bought!"
Talig and the men collectively thought, "Oh Gods, she's going to do it."
She did a straight strike directly to the carotid instead of a slash, and instead of pulling out and spinning away, she stayed there with her arm extended and the blade held in place. He did the usual grab for the throat and managed to get the dagger out. In a few heart beats he was on the ground dead and she was standing over him, glaring down in hatred at him.
The 2 groups of men stood staring at each other. It wasn't cowardice. It was more like a man with a coping saw in his hand looking at a 2X4 he had to cut, and thinking, "I have to get a bigger saw." The Visagoths men wanted to wipe these crazy people who had just killed their Cheiftain's son off the face of the earth, but they weren't sure if they had enoough to get the job done and get the Chieftans son back to the Chieftain. They gathered up the dead man, and backed away. Talig grabbed the girl and shoved her behind the men - not too gentley - reflecting his anger at the girl. And they backed out of the market.
Talig bust into the Atrium. Salidia was with the steward. "She did it again! And this time EVERYBODY SAW IT!"
"You can write," he said, pointing to a table in the corner. "You make a message to Selenius and tell him to get his ass down here, or we're all dead men."
Ever since Salidia had hired Talig, he had been respectful to her. Now he burst in here giving her orders.........and she DID EXACTLY WHAT HE TOLD HER TO DO! Talig had always been respectful to Salidia, but with everybodies life on the line, he wasn't going to be stickler for protocul.
"You tell him to send his equistrians down here first, or we'll all be crossing Styx by the time he gets here. And tell him those equistrians better draging the mastiffs behind them because we're going to need all the help we can get till the centurions get here."
Jabbing the paper with his finger, he said, "You make the marks here telling him it was the Visagoths from the south of the village so he knows what happened if we're all dead by the time he gets here."
His men had all crowded in to the room by then. He turned to them, "Who can ride?" All of them could bounce along on the back of a farm horse, but only a few were trained to sit a wheeling horse and effectively weild a sword. The 5 mercenaries all raised their hands.
Talig waved his arm at a group near the door. "Get the horses ready."
"Cetus, as soon as she gets that message done, you get it to Selenius, and tell him to move his ass. Take the horse you think is fastest. And Cetus, if he's off in the countryside chasing barbarians, than find a temple and pray for us because we'll all be on the shores of Hades by then." "Atus, as soon as she's finished making the message, get her to Selenius camp." "Pesphene, get her (pointing to Lydia) to Selenius now." Lydia shouted, "Talig, I must stand by Salidia." Talig stopped a moment. That was a true thing she said. Lydia was obligated to defend her Mistress to the death. "Atus, Pesphene, wait to the message is done and take them both to Selenius."
"Well, that takes care of all the horses. Anyone who wants to try to ride out of here on the back of a cow is welcome. Titus, lucius, get the slaves out of the stables (The original stables had be converted into slave quarters when Salidia first bought the villa) and drive them north down the road. Tell them they are free. I want to get them out of here. I don't want join up with the Visagoths when they get here.
Make sure you drive them away. If any of them hang around, kill them."
Putting his arm around the man, he said, "Caius, old friend, we'll make our stand in the stable. It has the thickest walls, the windows are barred, it's long and narrow, and the roof has been reinforced to keep the slaves from breaking out and escaping. We'll make them crowd into that narrow room and fight us back for every inch of it. Get the women and small children to the back. Put the boys big enough to weild a sword in front. When we go down, they can defend their mothers and sisters as best they can. Set up what barracades you can. I'd like to fight them one man at a time if I could. Take Aerilius and Rufus and set the place up as best you can."
"I wish some of you had the good sense to become archers instead of swordsman. Didn't I see somebody out hunting rabbits?" Gadius half heartedly raised his hand. "Ah, Gadius, you can shoot one of those things without accidently shooting me in the ass? O.K. Set up a platform as high as you can in the back of the stables. Shoot over our heads into the Visagoths. Do the best you can on arrows." (Winking at the man he said, "And Gadius, try not to shoot any of us in the ass."
"I know, some of you have got pretty big asses."
"Not many of us left. Marcus you going to have to run to the houses and tell the women to get themselves and their children to the stable. Tell them to bring any weapons in the house to the stables with them. Some bread and water would be nice. But this isn't a picnic. I'm guessing 2 to 3 hours till they get here, but I want everybody inside within an hour, so it's what they and their children can gather up in their arm and that's it's. No back and forth for 2 trips. Don't miss anybody. Check the outhouses in case somebody had plopped their asses down and is taking all day about it."
"Andeocene, I guess you've seen everybodies' weapons by now, and know where they all are. (Andeocene had the steadiest hand, and a lot of the men asked him to put the finishing touch on their weapons when they were sharpened.) See what weapons you can find in the villa, the torture room, the tack room. Check any place you can. Bring them to Caius in the stable. I want everyone in there in an hour. Don't get caught out here alone."
"My son. Today you will join the men and be a boy no longer. Bring my things back to Caius in the stables. Find yourself grieves and arm guards that fit the best you can. I'm going to the front wall to watch for the Visagoths. I'll be back when they're in sight." He leaned down to kiss the boy on the forhead. "Love you. Bring some water with you."
Three quarters of the way to soldier's camp, Salidia and the other 3 saw Selenius and his equestrians pound down the road toward them. Cetus was way in the back bring up the rear on a spent horse. Selenius pulled up next to her. She pointed back down the road. Crying, she said, "Save them, Selenius." On fresh mounts, Selenius and his men galloped down the road. Salidia and the others followed behind him on their exhausted horses.
When Selenius got to the villia, the Visagoth Cheiftain and 4 sub Cheifs were on a knoll overlooking the villa, watching their men below. Their mounts were fresher than Selenius's and they escaped. About 340 of the Visagoths vessels were in the villa. They were crowded around a long narrow building trying to fight their way in through a single doorway, so most were milling around outside. Some had a large table they were trying to use as a battering ram to break in the back wall. Selenius had gotten there just in time to prevent them from breaking through the roof. His men had no problem cutting the Visagoths down.
` The next day he marched 4 cohorts south of the village and razed their land, killing all he could find. Some were mounted and had a long head start, so they esceped. These included the Cheiftans.
The matter of justice was simple for Selenius. The world consisted of Romans and barbarians. These people had attacked a Roman citizen. Worse, they had attacked a Patrician, and that decided the issue. But the issue was never in doubt: Salidia was his friend. He awarded Salidia their forfeit land. He told Talig the defense was excellent and congradulated him on it.
In the stable, Gadius lay dead in the back with 2 arrows in him. He was killed fairly early on when the Visagoths at the door shouted that there was an archer shooting them from the back from the back of the building. 2 Visagoths with bows were able to stand at the doorway and shoot him over the heads of their men. They stayed at the edges of the doorway and rained arrows into the back for the whole fight. 2 women, 4 children, 7 older boys were dead back there, another 3 of the older boys were wounded. The older boys had tried to protect their mothers and sisters from the arrows with shields, and many were mowed down as the stood in front of their families. One Visagoth would shoot at a family member to the side of the boy, and the second Visagoth would shoot the boy when he reached over to try to protect his mother or sister or younger brother.
When Salidia and Lydia arrived at the villa they found Andeocene outside. He had made it back in time, but was the last man in, and he turned to stand in front of the doorway, next to Caius. They were the first men the Visagoths found, and these two men had stood longest at the center of the fight, filling the doorway with dead Visagoths before the Visagoths got a foothold inside. When he was wounded, one of the Visagoths managed to grab is arm guard and they pulled him out.
When Salidia entered the building, she found Talig sitting on the floor with Caius cardled in his lap. Caius had stood at the center of the defenses he had erected inside the building, with Andeocene at his side. Aerilius lay dead nearby. When Caius was wounded, Aerilius had bend down to try to pull his friend to safety. It was a dangerous move to bend down like that, and he didn't make it.
Salidia knelt down beside him. Caius was dead but Talig talked to him, "Who will I agrue with now, old friend? Who will I talk with at night about the old times?" Caius had been Salidia's favorite of the men. He was the second fastest man there and he spend long, patient hours practicing with Salidia aand Lydia. When the Phoenicians had attacked them on the galley 2 yrs. ago, it had been Caius who stood over her and protected her during the fight. She put her hand on Talig's arm. "I'll take care of him for you." Talig got up, bent over and put his hand on the man's shoulder. "Good bye, for now, my friend."
Talig walked to the back and stooped down to Gadius. "I gave you bad advice, my friend. I sent you to your death and I didn't mean that to happen. I sorry for that, Gadius. I hope you can forgive me. But you did good. You killed 6 of them, and left a slew of others with only 1 arm to use. Pretty good for a rabbit hunter. You killed the man who killed Caius, and then the one that bent over to get Aerilius and I am forever in your debt for that." He brushed the hair from Gadius face and closed his eyes.
On the way back, he stopped and knelt by Aerilius. He stroked the man's cheeck. "Such a loyal and true friend. He was my friend too. Thank you for what you did."
When he walked outside, he saw Lydia at the sitting at the bottom of door by the wall. Andeocene hung with his arms over the back of the door. The Visagoths had hoisted him up on the door, and stabbed him hundreds of times. Lydia sat at the bottom with door, with Andeocene's foot held to her face, crying. Her first day with these men, it was Andeocene who had sharpened her knife for her. He always sharpened her knife for her. He was got her the things she needed. She always felt he was the one who took care of her. When they would all gather at night to talk, next to Talig, she would most often sit down on the ground beside him and lay head against his leg and she listened to the men talk. Caius was her second favorite. Fast Caius, he was so patient with her, spending hour and hour practicing with her. Instead of complaining, he would offer jokes and things to make her laugh.
He walked over to her.
"Oh, Talig, it's all my fault."
"No one blames you, girl. We all love you. You made a mistake of youth, being brash and impulsive. It will be a decade before wisdom replaces your youth. I don't blame child for being being childish, and I don't blame you for being young. When I was young I killed a man for knocking over my cup of wine, and another for splasing mud on my clock. You killed a man for selling a child into slavery. How badly do you think I can judge you."
"We love you for the open, warm heart you brought to us all. You have been the one who brought us all together. We love you for your heart, and no one blames you that that heart is young."
He cupped her chin in his hand and looked her in the eyes, "You'll live, and you'll cry for this. And tomorrow you'll look at all of us and see us all differently, and you'll think of the men who wrong you differently, and you'll have a different heart tomorrow than the one you had when you killed that man. And that's how the Gods decreed we should learn about life. Tomorrow you will less young, and wiser." He kissed her on the forehead.
"Go inside; they need you there. Caius, Aerilius and Gadius are dead and they need your help. When she heard Caius's name, she fell to the ground sobbing. He leaned over and touched her shoulder. "Help me with Andeocene. Go in the back and cut his arms free, and I'll hold him here. I'll bring him into the villa. Then go to the stable. There are people wounded, there are the dead who need our attention. Go help them."
Salidia and Talig sat in the villa later that night. They both knew there were debts to be paid. The wounded were owed care. The dead, honor, respect and love. The survivors, love and compassion. And the men who did this owed a debt too that they wanted paid.
Lydia came in and looked at Talig. "Selenius killed all their men today, and tomorrow he will take all their land and possessions to give to Salidia. They will have nothing left. They're coming back, aren't they, Talig?"
He nodded his head, "Yes, for revenge."



Chapter 2

Concil of War
or
Shootin Da Breeze Over a
Late Night Cup of Coffee

Well, you’re brave that’s for sure. It’s always so hard to write stories written in a different time and place to what we’re familiar with. And, of course, although I’m not one of them, there’ll always be that pain in the ass history buff who insists of telling you exactly where the facts aren’t in fact facts with some pissy little bit of insignificant information. (That reminds me, are you sure the Phoenicians were still around when Caligula came to rule over Rome?)

So, this is obviously a big project and you’re obviously putting a lot of effort into it. I think it’s good, but it needs a little a tidying up before it’s great.

Here’s what I noted:

I felt there were many good and interesting passages that had been flattened by passive phrasing—the “were” and “was” words. “Salidia was bored, but was taking the opportunity to just sit back and relax. ... is passive. ”Salidia felt bored and so decided to take the opportunity to ”... is active.

Avoid being verbose. Those who know a whole lot more about it than me say: Write your story then cull out all the ‘extra’ words. What do I mean? This is what I mean: “She had gone up the coast to buy slaves, where she had gotten 20, as well as an exquisitely soft wool gown for herself, and a tunic for Selenius made of the same luxurious wool.” Should be: “She had gone up the coast and bought twenty slaves, as well as an exquisitely soft wool gown for herself, and a tunic for Selenius made of the same luxurious wool.” Your story is good and interesting, but I noted many places where it’s cluttered with extra words.

Oh, and unless it’s a really high number with lots of digits, like say 125, 651, type the word. It's not a big deal but it's just slightly jarring for your reader to find a numeral in amongst the words.

And, while I’m in a pit picky mood, avoid using ‘etc’, unless it’s in dialog. I have a vivid imagination, but I still can't visualise what "etc" is, ever.

Remember, also, you’re writing for the www, people outside of the USA use metric measurements, so imperial will often be confusing for them. Avoid using exact measurements of either type, really, descriptions are always more interesting. E.g. “Salidia walked up to the Phoenician captain and stood inches from his face.”, or Salidia walked up and stood so close to the Phoenician captain that she could feel his moist warm breath on her cheeks/smell the stale wine on his breath/ or whatever.

Always keep the vernacular true to the period of time that you’re writing. "Those guys have always got ants in their pants “, doesn’t really sound realistic for ancient Phoenicians’ time, does it? Besides didn’t they wear skirts or togas, or something like that?

Look, I’m no expert, so please take or leave what you want from this. You asked for ‘help’ so I hope this is helpful.

I wish you well with your future writing,

Alex :)

Aye, I agree with Alex on the verbosity. Another for instance:

Quote:

---

The Phoenicians had planned on surprising Salidia's men, but her men had turned the tables on them, surprising the Phoenicians first and catching them while they were still engaged in their diversionary, fake tasks.

---

Avoid summarizing the plot that just happened...it breaks the flow of the story. And it's unnecessary -- we just read about all this, right? If you think the reader won't understand what's going on when it happens, look to adjust your descriptions, not sum it up.

I would also suggest you use the first paragraph or two to introduce the plot; at the end of the first chapter I still don't feel I have a grasp of what the conflict is, and the only element that seems to be carried on is a nameless captured Phoenician captain. Also, personally, I'm a bit put off by a story that starts out with lots of people lounging in boredom -- it just doesn't inspire me to keep reading; but that's me.

Another warning sign to me is your own intro: 2 chapters out of 5 to "set up" communicates to me that alot could be weaned out. It may simply fall under "good for the author to know, great to get to know one's characters, but not helpful to the plot" -- and thus, not really part of the story.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EB

...I'm a bit put off by a story that starts out with lots of people lounging in boredom -- it just doesn't inspire me to keep reading; but that's me.

---

Yea, well, yes and no. While I agree those bored folk might be a little uninteresting just lounging around, what about if say Salidia were, instead of ...'taking the opporunity to lounge back..." took the opportunity to have one of her big muscular slaves rub oil all over her naked body? Or, what if she chose to use one of them as a foot stool wihile another massaged her toes (for all those perverters out there with a foot fetish)? The possibilities for making it more interesting and erotic are endless. :)

Oh, very true -- the lounging isn't what raises my hackles, just the bored :P

I want to give feedback, but I think Bragi and Badger have hit on the main points already. Generally, when I go back and revise, I delete a lot of excess verbiage, such as eliminating unnecessary adverbs. Also, even something like lounging around will be more interesting if written in the active voice, as Bragi mentioned.

Hi TG,
as I wrote before , I love this theme!Roman Times and cruel mistresses etc...

Please give us more; especially some scenes with workingslaves and female overseers (mills , galleys etc).That would be great!Keep up your good work and thank you in advance!

best regards
Chrisitan (shoeps)

Hi TG,
Not to be picking on you, but you did ask. Along the lines of sticking to an appropriate vernacular, avoid modern metaphors unless you are trying to be humorous. What exactly would "Just another day at the office" mean back in the first century?
Yours
Mad Lews