Printable View
hello there for those that have read my intro im new to this scene. my partner is a submissive, i have read through a lot of the threads here and the main bit of advice seems to be talk to your partner, unfortunatly my partner is very non commital and simply say's whatever i want to do i can.
this leaves me feeling very stuipid as i seem to lack an imagination for ideas and things we can do. also leaves me wondering if im a suitable partner for her sexually?. hope this makes sense to someone.
...nice avi, btw...
I would be concerned about a noncommunicative partner- in any relationship... perhaps other venues than speaking may be easier for her? Writing in a journal, writing you a letter, writing a story, posting here, even maybe chatting with others might bring her feelings and desires out.
I would not doubt myself so quickly if I were you. If you are simply looking for play ideas, there are many stories in the library that may spark something (just remember where the line between fantasy and reality is- some things must be left in stories). And there are many websites and books as well.
I don’t know the personality of your partner but it might help to explain why you need her to communicate with you about this. Usually it’s because you want to understand what her feelings are etc but I suggest you instead give the reason why you personally want to communicate about this. It makes it more relevant if it comes from you.
Another thing to do is when she says “Whatever you want” tell her directly that what you want is to communicate about this. I consider that to be a fun way of saying you want to talk about it while still in the D/s “character” so to speak and still being serious about it.
I would personally try the second first than if she still resists go with the more direct method.
First thing you should do is fill out the questionaire here, and have her fill out hers to:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9385
Then talk about it. If this does not get you started talking, nothing will.
For someone new, and doesn't feel comfortable or is reluctant to communicate desires, try a checklist. It directly asks all kinds of situations available, and then you can evaluate and ask questions based on her response. Helps you start a conversation.
As far as ideas for activities to try
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm_scenarios.html
Good idea ID. That's always a good starting point.
Also...have her join the forum.
Give her a task, to review Sir Russell's thread of erotic pictures. Her task is to give you, let's say seven, pictures that she finds stimulating/interesting.
That will give you some ideas of things to do to her and the confidence she'll find it pleasing.
Another suggestion is have her read stories here and tell you which ones she gets turned on by the most, and then talk about it. I think that is pretty fail safe.
thank you all for your good suggestions, think going to be a struggle but if it was all easy wouldn't be any fun would it :).