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Conversation Between Desze and Valshar

2 Visitor Messages

  1. Desze,

    Thank you for sharing and for reaching out to me to offer your words of comfort.

    It means a lot to me, but more importantly, you offer me perspective to remember my Sunshine and remind me that she is completely gone.

    I am going to backpack the 220 mile John Muir Trail this August and I am going to take the farewell letters we wrote each other at the end and I will leave them at the top of Mt. Whitney.

    Maybe closer to heaven and to her.

    But I tell myself that her home is in my heart and that she will be with me each step of the way.

    I try to take comfort in that, but the fact is that I miss her voice and to see her words on my computer screen.

    Most of all, I so much wanted to hold her in my arms....to give her comfort and to fulfill all of our dark fantasies.

    I cry less, I talk to her when I have lunch by myself, I do what I can to not be sad, but so much was left undone.

    -Tony
  2. My grandmother and grandfather are the two finest people who ever walked this earth.
    My grandmother died 17 years ago. It was not sudden nor was it drawn out. We were prepared but didn't have to wait through a lingering death.
    Even with that preparation I was crushed, shattered, empty, terrified. Pick an adjective.

    On the day of her funeral, standing by her grave site, barely able to breath, I heard her voice in my head. She said "Be happy for what you have". Exactly the sort of thing she said in life. I really mean exactly, I was a greedy little cuss.
    Now here's the thing. That wasn't my grandmother talking to me. I wasn't having a religious or spiritual experience. That was me talking to myself. That was when I realized, Grandma wasn't gone. She is in me, part of me. I can talk to her anytime I want. I can still hear her voice. I can see her. Can I go to her house and eat her sandpaper dry turkey, overcooked broccoli (we were always amazed that the broccoli didn't break down into sub-atomic particles) and that fantastic chocolate cake with mocha icing? Nope, can't do that. Is she gone? No. Do i miss her? No, why should I? She's right here with me. Grandpa too. Never cried at a funeral again.

    Next time you talk to Sunshine say Hi from Desze.
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