I'm sorry you're hurting, Seri. I was feeling particularly miserable about my sub life just a couple of days ago when I got a PM out of the blue from a wonderful sister sub on here telling me nice things and wishing me well. It was the unexpected kindness of it that really touched me and it was just the lifeline I needed. I wrote back to her and vented all my woes. I had hardly got to the end of it when I definitely started to feel better. Just to share, to allow others who offer to kindly share your burden, to respond to the friendship that can be found on here. Let your friends help you through this if you can. I sincerely hope you find your heart and courage and happiness again soon.