Submissives & Slaves: Who am I? How did I get here?

[shayna{L_D}]

So im stepping in late, as always. But for me i can tell you excatly when it happened and how it happened. The story isnt as awe-inspiring as some of the others on this thread but here it goes anyway.

I always knew i was submissive, i just didnt know there was a word for it. A lot of people called me a doormat in the vanilla sense. If there was room full of people, id always ask if anyone needed anything, or if i could refil glasses or make food. Anything to make anyone comfortable. I would also go out of my way for anyone, even if i didnt know them. I would drive them places, give them food/money/advice, thing of that nature. Never expecting anything in return, not even a thank you, and believe me a lot of needed thank you's were left unsaid.

When I was living with a few friends in a house we were leasing, people would come over and the first thing out of my friend's mouth would be. "if you need anything ask, shayna, she will gladly get it for you." It was like my job, in a way, i liked it. Making other people happy, servicing them, knowing that i am the reason why they are happy, most of the time, or in that moment. I was used by a lot of people that way and it almost left a bad taste in my mouth. Until i just stopped one day, put my foot down to those who used me, made of fun me for my submission to others, and to those who called me a doormat. I knew i liked to service people, and make them happy i just needed to find the right person to do it to, someone that accepted it, accepted me, and didnt take me for granted or use me. (in a bad way )

I moved out of that house and was living back with my parents, i had just turned 21, and was doing a out-of-the-way favor for a friend. This favor lead to my journey into submission. I met the first and only girl i will ever love. She was kinky, wild, free, confident, charming, and sadly a player. People warned me about her, but she had this power over me already that no matter what anyone said i still went back for more, like a bee to honey.

We were together for two years. Although the relationship never went D/s persay, it did have an undercurrent of someone having power over someone else. Outside the bedroom it was me who had the power. I didnt ever abuse it, just used it when i needed to. Everyone would always say "we know who wears the pants in this relationship", oh what little did they know.

The bondage aspect of it happened when we were 'exploring' each other. Since i had never been with a girl, period. It was new, scary, intimidating, exciting, all rolled into one. I have this slight problem cumming, i have never been able to (still havent and thats a whole other tread all together), and she naturally wanted to help. I dont want to get into details, for those details are for my thoughts only. But i will say that it ened up with me tied, blindfolded, and begging. I loved it, i wanted more, i needed more. She let out a side of me, that i had never known. I wanted to know what the hell this all was, or if there was even a name for it. Low and behold there was.

Thats when i found the library, there was actually words, for what i was feeling, wanting, expierenceing. I was overjoyed with all this new found news. She on the other hand wasnt. She liked the idea of me, bound and gagged but thats as far as she would go. She wasnt into everything that i was. So what do you do with these new found sexual urges? I supressed them, brought out my submissive side a little more, turned over the power to her outside the bedroom, and inside the bedroom (as much as she'd let me).

Our relationship went down hill after a few months into it, but we stayed together becuase at the time we thought we loved each other. Which little did i know she was just out being a slut with other girls...*clams down and gets back to topic* I let go of all the bdsm thoughts and didnt dig them up until i got away from her. It was almost like she made me feel ashamed for liking what i like. Weird, almost that i could be into something so 'wrong' in her eyes. Once i was away from her, (moved away, far away) i accepted what i liked and who i was going to become, i didnt want to have to hide it, for myself, or anyone else.