i have long new i was a submissive... since my first sexual experiences... i loved anytime a guy would push my head down on his cock till it was hard to breath, or being spanked, or anyway they tried to demean me, it would just make me wet... watching tv shows or reading anything with rape or forced sex... just turned me on (never would i actually wish for that) ... i found myself jumping from guy after guy trying to find something to fulfill my needs... i began to get a reputation and it was sumwhat fulfilling b/c i got the disrespect and humiliation i was after... i was no longer a human being to them but an object... however it was a SAD existence and life... it was not only emotionally draining but physically as well... since i was just an object there was no stopping them they had no care what they did to me... my current Master actually was appauled with what had happened to me in my one experience... which caused temporary physical trauma... more then a bruised buttocks or welted tit... i knew i really wanted a loving caring relationship where my sexual needs of pain and humiliation were fulfilled but by someone who did it out of love and compassion.. who forced me to submit to his will and serve him but loved me at the same time... a guy that made me want to kneel before him and give my body to him in anyway he deemed fit... i know my nilla sexual experiences weren't cutting this and would only lead me down a further darker path... i finally got the courage to join this online group.. i had been an avid reader of the stories for months before... during my first visit to the online chat room i met my now Master... i took a few commands and exchanged emails... secretly i never expected to write or hear from him again.. then another and another... i soon found myself taking online commands, routines... training sessions.. i was blatantly honest to him.. despite risking punishment.. i tried several times to run or purposely mess up our relationship.. i never thought i deserved anything good in my life... let alone him... he would write me back and somehow seemed to know exactly what i was thinking or trying to do... he knew my history and knew what was instore for me if i fell back down that path... he loved and cared for me...gave me the moral support i needed when i had no self esteem... lol often my tasks or punishments (b/c he knew i HATED them) were exercises to help my self esteem like saying "i am pretty" outload so many times... or forcing myself to smile or look for happiness in things and having me write him back on my results... he obviously did not only satisfy me emotionally but physically as well having long online sessions.. instructing me on ways to cum/ witholding my ability to cum and pain and pleasure play... he gave me a reason to want to be happy... in a way he gave me myself back again... granted he owns me haha ... but i am sure you know what i mean... alas though it has only been online so far... and while i LOVE every minute of it i long for the day i am able to see/ touch him in person... i have never been happier and it is all thanks to this wonderful sight and welcoming community ... lol lil corny i know