I think these two don't belong in this relationship because there is not enough trust to sustain it. I think a lot of people have a deep need to be truly owned and not just "play." Which doesn't mean I think there is anything wrong with "just playing" but for some of us, "just playing" is incredibly frustrating.

Imagine if you struggled over and over to achieve orgasm and you came right to the edge but never actually reached completion? To those of us who NEED to be really and truly OWNED by another human being, that is what fantasy play with limits and safewords is.

At the same time though, in order to live in a power exchange without those things takes a lot of time, and it's hard to get to that point. For both parties.

I don't necessarily agree that the submissive omg should have done what the dominant said no matter personal feelings on the issue. Though I do think enough trust needs to exist in the relationship so that if he/she does act out he/she accepts his/her punishment.

When I act out it isn't because I don't respect the control over me, it's because I'm expressing that I don't feel I'm being heard, and the issue is important enough to me to submit to a caning.

If this relationship is not a compatible match for these people, if the submissive hasn't reached the mental point of no return, then I would suggest either asking for release or "escaping."

And if the submissive is using a safeword as an information sharing exercise as opposed to "to try to control the relationship" and isn't abusing it but is truly unable to take anymore of what is being done, the dominant has crossed a line into abuse when he doesn't listen to that.

Sure the submissive belongs to that dominant, and sure it is his/her "right" to exert that control in a TPE. But having power and having the "right" to use it is not the same as it being wise to use it. And to damage one's sub/slave/pet in such a way, is not honorable. And I would seriously question the dominant if he/she engaged in such a behavior and said he cared about/loved his pet/slave/sub.