Quote Originally Posted by Mysc View Post
Again thanks for all the insight you guys have on this!

@Tom.. it's okay, I understand you better now.

And Beswitch... you exactly described the whole thing!!! WOW!! I wasn't able to when I wrote my first post because of all the emotions. It's indeed also a matter of fear, and the feeling you don't want to be a burden.
Thanks again.. just one question; could you send some of these exercises to me?

As for the whole spin off discussion.. I have to reread all the posts to see who's point is which.. it's confusing lol

I would be very happy to tell you what I know. It all starts with gaining control of your breathing. Most people in the west breathe incorrectly, shallow and with little power. Yoga taught me how to breathe.

Yoga is good, good, good, in its many forms. I started with Hatha, which concentrates on stretching and holding poses, (asanas I think they are called) I started with a book from the public library in 1993. A class is a much better way to progress, but even some simple stretches on your own, with a book or video for instruction, is good.
I have taken a few Jivamukti Yoga classes, learnt a little Ashtanga Yoga technique (there are a bunch of Ashtanga clips on you tube), and my favorite all time yoga book is called "the 8 Human Talents" by Gurmukh, that is a Kundalini Book, the exercises look deceptively simple, and now that I have seen Gurmukh's dvd, I realised I was moving too slow...

Classes with a good instructor are best.

This will help your body process all the secretions your glands are dumping when you get scared or nervous, when the crush crushes in.

Meditation is super easy once you get the hang of it, but next to impossible to understand before you do. It is a deliberate relaxing of the brain and thought process. I could go into explaining it, but I bet folks already think I am off topic. I would be happy to chat or email if you want more. I even wrote one of my favorite relaxation techniques into a story for the writers' block (writing class) here, it not only describes the technique but how it feels when it is done well. I can send you that if you like, but i think it is too long for a private message. PM me with an email address if you like.

I am lucky, my lover does yoga as well, and it seems to help him control his own emotions and insecurities and he is in great shape.

It is by no means a cure all for anything, emotional discontent will still rear it's ugly head...I used to freak out more...now I still freak out but I am able to detach from it, relax as much as possible and let it pass. All emotion passes, unless you mentally focus on the feeling and sustain it. When I am unhappy, I acknowlege it, and I feel it, and then I decide to let it pass, not to feed the unhappy or scared feeling with negative thoughts.

Interestingly, lately, I have chosen to let the super happy moments pass the same way, cultivating a detachment to being overly happy as well... I like the mid point, the balance where I am not so happy I will crash hard if things change...never so sad or anxious that I feel it will drown me...

Yes women like to talk and talk about the emotions and feelings...frankly, I am a woman, and personally, I find too much of this dull. Many men find it dull too, so they say. Not that our feelings are unimportant, but if you are simply repeating a cycle based on past things, insecurities, it is not a real feeling; it is a lack of self control, like playing a part in a play over and over without thought.

Gaining control of this compulsion to feed the emotions (by talking endlessly and generally freaking out) is liberating. Stopping to process internally by getting quiet mind...my life may sound boring, but it is far from it.

For me, it was not until I had this control and discipline of myself that I could really fully appreciate the depth of good bdsm dynamic.

I know a hundred tricks for calming one's mind. PM me your email address and I will send some good ones.

Cheers!

Beswitchingly