hurt me,

I agree with much of what's been posted here, but wanted to add a few more suggestions. Master514 is right about the reading. Find some good non-fiction (there's lots of it out there if you're persistent about looking for it) and really consider what you learn compared to what you may want at this point. Also, the knowledge base in these forums has useful info too so look around.

Concerning Submissive Tasks, you should be willing to attempt tasks if you sign up but there's a huge variety to choose from and the Doms are very understanding about scheduling concerns. It might be a good middle ground for you to explore as it's somewhere in between doing what you want when you want and being in a D/s relationship in which obedience on the part of the sub is an essential element.

eb

p.s.--Thanks, sl, for addressing the respect issue above. I completely agree that terms like "pathetic" have no place in discussions with equals trying to learn/help.