The early days

[Jones, Nikka]

...Would some of the more experienced sub fems in this great forum be willing to post about their initial experiences of R/L 24/7 so that i can bring her here in a while and see what you have had to say ,with a view to her joining in the forum and maybe even experiencing the feelings of sisterhood that many of you obviously feel, might be an interesting experience for her to feel that she has some female support/someone to discuss things with, she would not be able to discuss this with her local friends, and i truly want her to accept this lifestyle, as i adore the woman for all that i am worth, but that makes me want this all the more...

First of all, loonytunes, I believe the best idea would be for your wife to join the forums and for both of you to explore our discussions and learn that there is no such thing as an ideal or standard 24/7 rtelationship.

I can not recall my first 24/7 experience with my boyfriend because we never decided to "go 24/7". To this day I still do not even consider myself to be a "true" bdsm lifestyler (whatever that means). Yet I have learned that the type of play my boyfriend and I engage in is way more intense than the average in this forum. To give you an idea of how everyone has different:

Officially we are occasional players, but in fact I am available to him 24/7.
I submit to a flogging at the very least once a week, but neither he nor we decided it must be so.
Other than a three-level safeword system, we do not follow any rituals or protocols during scenes (at least not consistently).
During "play" I have given the right to speak to him but he has never demanded that I do not.
As much as I have been broken, used, humilliated and degraded, he would never come close to making me believe that I am not his equal.
I am a true painslut so when he needs to punish me he DOES NOT beat me.
My boyfriend does not even call me slave, he calls me Lady Nikka.

You two are going to create your ideal 24/7 relationship based on what you need, want and are able to give. And if you and her are open minded and trust each other, you are going to spend the next few years learning to become whatever you are to become and being extremely happy doing so.

Welcome to the forums!

Nikka

[MrJerseyGuy]

I think my friends here have given you great advice loony. There have been other threads that addressed the 24/7 lifestyle. Not to speak for the rest of the gang, but personally I think the limited response may be due to a lack of experience with it. I think we all fantasize about 24/7, but in reality it's not very practical and I doubt that there are many here who can offer opinion based on their own experience. I think you have your work cut out for you finding true 100% lifestylers.

Nevertheless, I for one would love to keep hearing about the progression of your relationship. I particularly liked the part where you gave her something to hold until the flogging got to be too much. I said in a thread a long time ago...I love hurting her, but only as much as she loves being hurt. I expect a lot of Doms in this type of relationship don't go as far as their partner would like for fear of hurting her past the limit. For my part, in the past 1 1/2 years everytime I have pushed further she has loved it...and told me so afterward. I may have to try your idea this weekend. Perhaps have her hold her new giant dildoe until she can't take the whip anymore...with the understanding that once she drops it, she gets it!

Definately gave me something to think about!

[tehya]

Well I certainly don't have any experience in 24/7, but I believe all subs go through struggles, and not just in the beginning. I think it is all a part of the learning process and continued growth.

I would make a suggestion: Remember this is all about you and your partner. There is no text book to say how exactly you must live your BDSM lives. There are all sorts of gray areas here.

Create the lifestyle that works for the two of you, and by all means take baby steps in some areas if necessary. I mean what is the hurry anyway? If you work hard together and communicate well, you will find your balance.

Oh yeah, and don't forget, there will be some things that just won't work for the two of you! It is not a failure, simply not meant to be. Move on, and discover other things that really send those sparks flying!

And I can't wait to meet her. I adore real people sharing and learning together!

Master's tehya

[loonytunes]

Hi folks and thanks for your replies, yes the 24/7 thing can sometimes prove to be very difficult and i can well understand that it may not be for some. Because we have a 13 year old daughter it would be sometimes difficult to
keep the dynamic going so i gave her a couple of simple rules to stick to day to day so that she demonstrates and is aware of "her role" in this relationship even when people are around, or heavier play is out of the question, and simple things like presenting herself to me before bed, and many nights she wears a chain collar around her neck that is fixed to the bed,(its done in a way thats very safe) this keeps the 24/7 feeling going, but in reality the bdsm side of things works out very much along the lines of jones,nikkas its just not possible or even desirable to be heavy scening every night, after all we both have work to get up for etc..And i think too much would be too soon, if you get my meaning, at this stage anyway....MrJerseyGuy, that thing with her having something to drop seemed like a good idea at the time, in the past i have been very wary of going too far with the beatings and always backed off very quickly, but in this case i thought i would find out just how far she could go by putting her in control of when it stops, she would never think of herself as a painslut, but you could have fooled me that night, and in fact it was me that had to back off in the end as she went as far as i would possibly want to take it at this stage...Anyway thanks for all your support, i will have to see if i can get her in here to say howdy!!!

[Dslave]

I have had 24/7 experience. I used to live with my Master as his slave. I no longer live with him, due to both business and personal reasons. Neither of which have to do with our relationship. We are both very much Master and slave. We were not married, so I will not be able to offer any advice on that, but we were together and there was no "time outs" when I was with him 24/7. I am not sure I will be able to answer your questions but you are definately free to email me or message me and ask them.

[spirit]

loonytoons....

my husband/Master have also recently decided to go 24/7. It has been difficult for us as well, but we seem to be making it work for us. i would love to hear how things are going for you and share ideas. We also have a teenage daughter as well as two other children. It does make it hard, but i believe it is doable.

[loonytunes]

Hi spirit, yes indeed it seems it can be done, we have had lots of talking over the last few weeks, lots of difficult moments too, but she has come through everytime, around kids there are a lot of things that in this relationship i would like to be able to do but cant, i cant keep her naked or in cuffs as i would like, but we have workarounds, she dosnt sit on the sofa when we watch tv (rarely do anyway) but on a pile of cushions, our daughter just thinks mum likes to sit where she can have her hair played with, if only she knew My sub sleeps chained most nights but we have a lock on our bedroom door, we both get up for work at the same time so i let her go and the doors unlocked and its business as usual...so it can be done even with kiddies around as im sure you are finding or will find
Congratulations on your choice, its working for us so far and i hope it does for you too